SIDEREAL INBOX

[fujimaru]

Ritsuka Fujimaru | 藤丸 立香
19(?) / F / Who knows!!

°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° We're doing our best here

<span style="font-family:century gothic,helvetica,arial,sans-serif;"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/ScI5Hsw.png" style="height:20px;margin:0 5px -4px 0;"><b style="color:#e75480;">YOUR NAME</b> matched with you!</span> MATCH

<lj-raw><span style="font-family:century gothic,helvetica,arial,sans-serif;"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/P3gZl1b.png" style="height:20px;margin:0 5px -4px 0;"> <b style="color:#e75480;">YOUR NAME</b> sent you a message! <blockquote style="border-left:5px solid #ddd;padding:0 0 0 10px;"> Message_content </blockquote></span></lj-raw> MESSAGE

<span style="font-family:century gothic,helvetica,arial,sans-serif;"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/w2B4FYG.png" style="height:20px;margin:0 5px -4px 0;"><b style="color:#e75480;">YOUR NAME</b> sent you a flirt!</span> FLIRT

CODE BY

Comments

[impostorsyndrome]

I think I'll live.

You and he would make a terrible couple. You're good with Kurusu, stick to that.

[There is just something not right about the thought of Akechi and Ritsuka! Whatever it is, he's sure of that.]

[fujimaru]

[ A surprised laugh escapes her, this time brighter and more involuntary. ]

I'd like to at least get along with him! If nothing else, it'd make things easier. But all I'm interested in is being his friend.

[ "So don't worry," but he isn't really. Right? ]

[impostorsyndrome]

Yeah, you seem like the kinda person who'll drag him into friendship kicking and screaming.

[Like she did to him! But he smiles at this. If anything, it's probably easier with Akechi, despite the shared boyfriend thing. They don't have a History.]

[fujimaru]

I mean, I'd rather not the kicking and screaming, but I'm not going to give up on being friends with the guy.

...But I still think I'd pick hanging out with you over him.

[impostorsyndrome]

. . . I like him and all, and I like Kurusu too, so don't tell them I said this. But even I might hang out with me over him. And that's saying a lot.

[fujimaru]

I think, in this really convoluted setup, the question is whether you'd rather hang out with me or Akira-kun.

[impostorsyndrome]

How did that get into it . . .

I like you both. I'm not even good at hanging out, so no need to fight it out over my bad company.

[fujimaru]

I'm not talking about it as a fight, I'm talking about what your choice would be. It's okay if you'd rather pick him. It won't hurt my feelings.

[impostorsyndrome]

I was kidding. See, this is why I'm no fun to hang out with. But I don't get why you'd want me to choose something like that anyway, even as a joke. I'm not saying that to spare your feelings.

[fujimaru]

'Cause it's a thought exercise kind of thing. Just a game. You know, "would you rather" or whatever it's called.

[ She swings her feet again, idle, looking down at her empty cup. ]

I guess I was just curious. Never mind.

[impostorsyndrome]

Yeah, but that game is usually really out there shit like "would you rather only be able to drink out of the toilet or only be able to eat food you stole?" Not picking a friend.

...You're just jealous I called him hot.

[HE IS TRYING...TO JOKE AGAIN...and nudges her. See, it's okay,]

[fujimaru]

[ It's okay! It's okay, she just feels a little weird for reasons she cannot identify, and she can laugh it off. ]

Why would I be jealous? It's true, he is.

[impostorsyndrome]

I'm just messing around. . . . Look, obviously, this is still weird and all, but I'm closer to you than I am to him, so I'd pick you. But I'd even hang out with you guys together if you promised not to be weird about it.

[Just don't like make out in front of him and it's all good, okay!]

[fujimaru]

I don't even know what your baseline for weird would even be. I don't know what mine is anymore, to be honest.

[ Kadoc, please, she's only brave enough to do anything super flirtatious when it's only the two of them, there's no way that would happen. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

Playing "would you rather" about your friends is weird. . . . Time and space travel? Totally normal.

[SHE'LL GET IT.]

[fujimaru]

Thanks, that helps.

[ She's mostly deadpan, but there's the beginning of a little smile on her lips again. ]

Like I said, it was just me being curious. If you didn't want to, it's a good thing you told me to cut it out.

[impostorsyndrome]

I guess I just don't know why you're curious. Does it matter? It's just me.

. . . If you think hanging out with you bothers me, it doesn't. I can swallow my pride and be honest about that. I'm doing it because I wanna do it.

[fujimaru]

I guess it's a little on my mind.

[ It's something she's been mulling over, off and on, for a couple of days. Even if she doesn't begrudge it, it's still a bit of a weird feeling, to have been left twice in the same day by people ostensibly trying to take care of her. Just because she doesn't blame either of them doesn't mean she can't feel a way about it.

But Kadoc isn't trying to help her, is he? He's just--here. No matter how much he disparages that, it means something. ]

I'm just me, too. And it matters to me. You're--...

[ She sighs, squeezing the cup in her hands. ]

Out of everyone here, there's only two people who know what it's like. And Bedivere isn't--he doesn't remember much of anything that happened, after Camelot. I've told him, but it's not the same as living it, you know? Or being there.

[impostorsyndrome]

[He finds himself watching her hands, unsure why, just that it's something to look at. There's just something so human about it. That's her whole thing, sure, and it's his too, but he still notices in these small ways, and feels something about it. He wishes he had his Viy doll to hand her to squeeze.]

. . . I wasn't there. But yeah. I know what you mean. Obviously, I saw it, and I was around later, and I get that even if that only caused you pain, it's still something. I feel the same way.

[fujimaru]

Yeah.

[ She'd expected him to, but it still is a relief to hear him confirm it. Her shoulders relax slightly, though she's still fiddling with the cup. ]

So maybe you can make that "it's just me" argument when you're talking to anyone else here. But not to me.

[impostorsyndrome]

So I'm special to you.

[He tries to say that flippantly, but instantly his ears are burning, and he has to look away, and it's all really embarrassingly obvious and his voice only just barely didn't crack, and dammit?! He's a loser! It was supposed to be teasing!]

[fujimaru]

[ Oh no. Oh no, that's cute? ]

Yeah. Is it really that weird?

[impostorsyndrome]

Of course it's weird! I'm as bored of me bringing up that I tried to kill you as you probably are, but I can't help but point it out, yet again.

[He peeks over at her through his bangs. Embarrassing!!]

...I'm not complaining. I don't really wanna chase you off at this point. I'm just still accepting this situation.

[fujimaru]

That's also a way of being connected to someone.

[ There's a long pause as she considers. She hasn't told anyone about what happened at the end of things, at the ruined Temple when it had only been her and one other being left in the whole world.

What would she do, if that man appeared before her again? She doesn't know. She likes to think she'd be able to find a way to connect with him, too.

Finally, though, she bumps her shoulder against Kadoc's, another light beat of pressure. ]

You're the first one who remembers trying.

...It's nice, not being the only one.

[impostorsyndrome]

That's— . . . you are a little twisted after all.

[But, slowly, he returns that pressure, leaning back on her a little. It feels right. That's also a way of being connected to someone. It feels strange to sit here and talk about these things and not, who knows, be holding hands or hugging or something, and that's stupid; he doesn't like either of those things. He wouldn't know how to offer them or follow through on them. But still . . .

They're both a little twisted. He smiles, just a bit.]