[ It's something she's been mulling over, off and on, for a couple of days. Even if she doesn't begrudge it, it's still a bit of a weird feeling, to have been left twice in the same day by people ostensibly trying to take care of her. Just because she doesn't blame either of them doesn't mean she can't feel a way about it.
But Kadoc isn't trying to help her, is he? He's just--here. No matter how much he disparages that, it means something. ]
I'm just me, too. And it matters to me. You're--...
[ She sighs, squeezing the cup in her hands. ]
Out of everyone here, there's only two people who know what it's like. And Bedivere isn't--he doesn't remember much of anything that happened, after Camelot. I've told him, but it's not the same as living it, you know? Or being there.
[He finds himself watching her hands, unsure why, just that it's something to look at. There's just something so human about it. That's her whole thing, sure, and it's his too, but he still notices in these small ways, and feels something about it. He wishes he had his Viy doll to hand her to squeeze.]
. . . I wasn't there. But yeah. I know what you mean. Obviously, I saw it, and I was around later, and I get that even if that only caused you pain, it's still something. I feel the same way.
[He tries to say that flippantly, but instantly his ears are burning, and he has to look away, and it's all really embarrassingly obvious and his voice only just barely didn't crack, and dammit?! He's a loser! It was supposed to be teasing!]
[ There's a long pause as she considers. She hasn't told anyone about what happened at the end of things, at the ruined Temple when it had only been her and one other being left in the whole world.
What would she do, if that man appeared before her again? She doesn't know. She likes to think she'd be able to find a way to connect with him, too.
Finally, though, she bumps her shoulder against Kadoc's, another light beat of pressure. ]
[But, slowly, he returns that pressure, leaning back on her a little. It feels right. That's also a way of being connected to someone. It feels strange to sit here and talk about these things and not, who knows, be holding hands or hugging or something, and that's stupid; he doesn't like either of those things. He wouldn't know how to offer them or follow through on them. But still . . .
They're both a little twisted. He smiles, just a bit.]
[ There's the instinctive desire, at first, to deny it. It's there, bubbling in her throat, but it just as quickly dies. He's not wrong. At this point, she's still an ordinary girl, but she's definitely been twisted at the same time. ]
[He tries to say it sarcastically, but instead he kind of mumbles it, because oh no, he likes it. There's something he likes about it! God! Why is he like this.]
[ She nudges him a little harder with her elbow, beaming. Whatever it is, the conversation feels pretty good? Better than some of the ones they've had, for certain. ]
[He looks over at her and forces himself not to look away, even though it's like trying to force himself to look at a solar eclipse or something, such is the weight of the embarrassment he feels about this. She's so earnest! She's turning that on him, the worst possible person to turn that kind of feeling on! He can't stop overthinking it. He needs to head home and lie in bed and obsessively replay this whole conversation all night and make it even weirder than it already is. That's clearly the only path forward from here, is just making things absolutely fucking awkward.
Sheesh, that smile. Like his ears weren't pink enough.]
You're . . . yeah. I could tell. I mean, shit, you know what I mean, so I'm not even gonna bother trying to say what I mean. You fill it in!
[ They've both survived the end of the world, they can both survive some awkwardness.
Not that she realizes there's anything to feel awkward about about this moment. She's already very deliberately done her best to set aside worrying about the things that have bothered her, those little bits and pieces that have nagged for reasons she hasn't really been able to pin down. Right now, she just feels good, relieved in a way that she doesn't feel is important to examine just yet. ]
If you feel the same, you could just say "me too." That's a pretty quick way of doing it.
[FLATLY. Dryly, with that brand of humor he has, and a little more confidence in his understated amusement. This is fine. This feeling may be awkward, but he doesn't not like it.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Kadoc, please, she's only brave enough to do anything super flirtatious when it's only the two of them, there's no way that would happen. ]
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[SHE'LL GET IT.]
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[ She's mostly deadpan, but there's the beginning of a little smile on her lips again. ]
Like I said, it was just me being curious. If you didn't want to, it's a good thing you told me to cut it out.
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. . . If you think hanging out with you bothers me, it doesn't. I can swallow my pride and be honest about that. I'm doing it because I wanna do it.
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[ It's something she's been mulling over, off and on, for a couple of days. Even if she doesn't begrudge it, it's still a bit of a weird feeling, to have been left twice in the same day by people ostensibly trying to take care of her. Just because she doesn't blame either of them doesn't mean she can't feel a way about it.
But Kadoc isn't trying to help her, is he? He's just--here. No matter how much he disparages that, it means something. ]
I'm just me, too. And it matters to me. You're--...
[ She sighs, squeezing the cup in her hands. ]
Out of everyone here, there's only two people who know what it's like. And Bedivere isn't--he doesn't remember much of anything that happened, after Camelot. I've told him, but it's not the same as living it, you know? Or being there.
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. . . I wasn't there. But yeah. I know what you mean. Obviously, I saw it, and I was around later, and I get that even if that only caused you pain, it's still something. I feel the same way.
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[ She'd expected him to, but it still is a relief to hear him confirm it. Her shoulders relax slightly, though she's still fiddling with the cup. ]
So maybe you can make that "it's just me" argument when you're talking to anyone else here. But not to me.
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[He tries to say that flippantly, but instantly his ears are burning, and he has to look away, and it's all really embarrassingly obvious and his voice only just barely didn't crack, and dammit?! He's a loser! It was supposed to be teasing!]
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Yeah. Is it really that weird?
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[He peeks over at her through his bangs. Embarrassing!!]
...I'm not complaining. I don't really wanna chase you off at this point. I'm just still accepting this situation.
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[ There's a long pause as she considers. She hasn't told anyone about what happened at the end of things, at the ruined Temple when it had only been her and one other being left in the whole world.
What would she do, if that man appeared before her again? She doesn't know. She likes to think she'd be able to find a way to connect with him, too.
Finally, though, she bumps her shoulder against Kadoc's, another light beat of pressure. ]
You're the first one who remembers trying.
...It's nice, not being the only one.
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[But, slowly, he returns that pressure, leaning back on her a little. It feels right. That's also a way of being connected to someone. It feels strange to sit here and talk about these things and not, who knows, be holding hands or hugging or something, and that's stupid; he doesn't like either of those things. He wouldn't know how to offer them or follow through on them. But still . . .
They're both a little twisted. He smiles, just a bit.]
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[ There's the instinctive desire, at first, to deny it. It's there, bubbling in her throat, but it just as quickly dies. He's not wrong. At this point, she's still an ordinary girl, but she's definitely been twisted at the same time. ]
Guess that's part of why you're stuck with me.
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[He tries to say it sarcastically, but instead he kind of mumbles it, because oh no, he likes it. There's something he likes about it! God! Why is he like this.]
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[ She nudges him a little harder with her elbow, beaming. Whatever it is, the conversation feels pretty good? Better than some of the ones they've had, for certain. ]
...Hey, Kadoc? I'm glad you're here.
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Sheesh, that smile. Like his ears weren't pink enough.]
You're . . . yeah. I could tell. I mean, shit, you know what I mean, so I'm not even gonna bother trying to say what I mean. You fill it in!
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Not that she realizes there's anything to feel awkward about about this moment. She's already very deliberately done her best to set aside worrying about the things that have bothered her, those little bits and pieces that have nagged for reasons she hasn't really been able to pin down. Right now, she just feels good, relieved in a way that she doesn't feel is important to examine just yet. ]
If you feel the same, you could just say "me too." That's a pretty quick way of doing it.
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[FLATLY. Dryly, with that brand of humor he has, and a little more confidence in his understated amusement. This is fine. This feeling may be awkward, but he doesn't not like it.]
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[ At this point, she can recognize it, and that pleases her. He's playing along! This is what friends do! Nice. ]