[ She says it quietly, because there is something heavier there--the sort of weight that she can never really shed, and possibly never will. ]
Where I'm going... I'm the one who's chosen it. I know what's probably going to happen, and I've still decided to go through with all of what might happen. But I don't want people to worry, either? I'm not being coerced, and I'm not being tricked. And no one here is going to follow me, so...
[ She shrugs. This is the kind of thing bumping up against a whole huge tangle of emotions that she can't really properly articulate: serenity and resignation and wistfulness and resentment and anger and hope, all of it at once. ]
I should just be glad to have my chances here at all. It feels ungrateful that I don't. And then I just get mad when people try to be nice about it.
no subject
[ She says it quietly, because there is something heavier there--the sort of weight that she can never really shed, and possibly never will. ]
Where I'm going... I'm the one who's chosen it. I know what's probably going to happen, and I've still decided to go through with all of what might happen. But I don't want people to worry, either? I'm not being coerced, and I'm not being tricked. And no one here is going to follow me, so...
[ She shrugs. This is the kind of thing bumping up against a whole huge tangle of emotions that she can't really properly articulate: serenity and resignation and wistfulness and resentment and anger and hope, all of it at once. ]
I should just be glad to have my chances here at all. It feels ungrateful that I don't. And then I just get mad when people try to be nice about it.