Oh. Shit, yeah, I knew that, just slipped my mind . . . there's no way she's really listening, right? Isn't she not even your Servant? It's not like you have a mental connection with her?
[And yet, in this moment, it feels like both of them could spontaneously open one with her out of the sheer force of black comedy.]
[ But frankly, she's also concerned about this possibility. What if they turn a corner and she's right there?! That would be--well, honestly, that would be hilarious, but only in the aftermath. Right now, it would be horrifying. ]
[HE JUMPED RIGHT AHEAD TO THAT. His mind is off the rails and going here and there without his input at this point. But he has a point, doesn't he? Saber or otherwise, what if someone they know sees them go in together?!]
Are we? Are we being normal? I don't feel it, do you?
[ What even counts as normal, in a situation like this? Her steps slow as they approach the shop, and she has to look upon it and faintly despair. Oh no. Oh no, there's no way to be discreet about going into a place like this, is there... ]
I said it in the future tense for a reason. We're gonna be normal about this starting . . . now.
[Now. Right now is the moment they're normal! Kadoc looks up at the shop. It looks huge. Intimidating. This baby can fit so many sex toys in it, and they're about to step into that world, and it's cool. Because they're normal. They can be chill about it.
[ She takes a deep, considering breath, and then--shakes her head, her shoulders slumping. For now, she's mostly keeping her eyes on the floor, though she does keep glancing up and around in quick flashes before staring at their feet again. ]
Shit. Okay. Then we're gonna have to be abnormal about this.
Wanna be invisible?
[It only just now occurred to him that he could do this. And it's probably not a great idea! It's suspicious as hell! Who goes into a store invisible? Shoplifters, that's who. They probably have alarms or something that alert security to invisible shoppers, because in this world, who wouldn't try it if they had Light magic and criminal inclinations?
[ She spends entirely too long weighing this. The fact that there are probably safeguards to prevent invisible shoplifting crimes, and if they do it, they're going to be flagged as suspicious, and get kicked out... getting kicked out of a sex shop is probably more embarrassing than getting kicked out of a dollar store? Probably?! But also--but then--but--
She clears her throat, inching closer to him. ]
Maybe not... invisible, but could you just make it so like. No one looks at us?
That'd be Cognitive magic, I'm pretty sure. Wait, isn't that you? Can't you do something like that? Just brainwash everyone or whatever.
[Their time is running out. The clock is counting down, but he has to snipe at her over this first. He simply has no choice. Ritsuka, learn brainwashing already! What kind of mage are you! (He knows the answer to that.)
But even bickering, when she shifts close, he finds himself shifting closer, and he tells himself it's just so he can throw up an invisibility cloak at a moment's notice.]
It's not like I'm good at it! I usually just... ask people and they'll do things without any effort, because they're nice. "Please" and "thank you" work just as well!
[ She ducks closer to him automatically when she senses him moving, her voice a low hiss. They probably don't need to stand this closely together, but here they are. ]
Look, let's just--do a quick look around and make no eye contact, and we should be fine.
If people start staring, you brainwash them and I'll blind them with a flash of light. That's teamwork.
[But okay. Okay! They've got this! They're just . . . going to walk in super casually, standing very close together and looking completely bewildered and skittish, and that's definitely going to work out for them just fine, no questions asked.
Ritsuka does not actually latch onto Kadoc's arm, though she considers it. It would probably help with the illusion, right? Like they're some nervous couple venturing into a sex shop for the first time--
No, wait, wait, back up! Not a couple! Not a couple!!
But she does stick close, looking around and doing her best to avoid making any eye contact. That doesn't stop an employee from zeroing in on them, but look. They're trying. ]
It's too late. They're a young pair walking into a sex shop standing very close together and looking nervous, and the employee circles subtly once before approaching them. She's at least very, very gentle and soothing about this. She probably deals with it at least once a day.
"Welcome in. Is it your first time? Don't worry. I help nervous couples like you all the time."
She's all smiles about it.
Couples like them?!
Kadoc makes an indescribable choked sound, straightening up and looking helplessly over at Ritsuka.]
[ Unfortunately, she is equally frozen at the comment. On some level, she does recognize the lady is only trying to be friendly and helpful, but also: couples like them?! Ahhhhhhhhh?!
Her lips move, to deny the way she wants, but all she manages is a high-pitched squeak before her hand darts out, grabbing Kadoc's sleeve and shakes it. He's the smart one! Surely he can think of something as a cover story, right??
This is probably not helping, because the employee's smile only goes wider.
"It's fine," she says. "It can be pretty overwhelming when you're not used to it. Why don't you tell me what you're looking for?" ]
[Unfortunately, the cover story here is being a couple. And they don't need a cover story! That's stupid! The actual reason is completely legitimate! Kadoc could literally just say that they're doing the scavenger hunt and need a cat ears headband. That's not even embarrassing. But he's so caught up in the embarrassment he's feeling anyway, and in Ritsuka's equally embarrassed reaction, that his brain is convinced they need to lie their way out of this, and unfortunately the easiest lie to yank out of his head is the worst possible thing.]
—She promised me she'd dress up like a catgirl for me!
[ The employee laughs, a polite tittering giggle behind one hand, which thankfully means she misses the look of sheer overwhelmed embarrassment Ritsuka shoots at Kadoc. That's his idea of a cover story?! For real?! She trusted you, Kadoc!!
But it's too late. He's said it, and she doesn't want them to look suspicious! So after a second, she clears her throat and gently ("gently") smacks his arm with her free hand, because she's still holding onto his wrist. ]
Y, yeah. And she looks super hot in costume. So . . . she's gonna do it for me.
[The part about her looking super hot in a costume . . . he doesn't have to act for that. He remembers the ball where they'd ended up in costumes! She had been hot! Of course he hadn't been about to say that to her, but he hasn't forgotten that, or their awkward kiss.
He moves his hand to hold hers properly, because it's convincing that way and stuff. The employee gives them a warm, supportive smile.
[ She shoots him a startled look when he says that, something genuinely confused and bewildered in her gaze. "Super hot"? What?! Isn't that going a little too far?! She knows she can clean up decently if she puts time and effort into it (or someone does it for her, thanks faerie magic), but even then, that has to be an exaggeration...
At least the employee has already turned to walk away. Ritsuka doesn't know what else to do than follow. Her hand grips Kadoc's tightly in response, because of reasons she is choosing not to think about too deeply. If questioned, she'd say it was for solidarity, because they're both embarrassed and saying stupid shit.
[ . . . He squeezes her hand as they begin to follow.
Who knows? Not him!
The employee leads them back to the clothing racks at the back of the shop, where there are also dressing rooms. To her credit, she doesn't spring one of the really out there outfits on the two of them. She clearly knows better than to go for the stuff that's nothing more than half-inch wide strips of black leather just barely laid over sensitive areas. But she pulls out acouple that look a little more on the level of this shy young couple. They both have cat ear headbands! Mission accomplished! . . . Kadoc has temporarily forgotten the mission!]
[ Ritsuka had been briefly distracted by staring in gentle horror at those more extreme constumes, but the moment she hears Kadoc's voice again, her gaze snaps up to... ah.
What a nice lady, some distant part of her thinks. I wonder if there's a way to give her a tip for not murdering us both on the spot.
She hasn't entirely forgotten the mission, but the thought is drowned out by the terrible(?) awareness that she might actually have to try one of those one. Is the lady going to insist? If they're supposed to be a couple, then that means-- ]
[Ahem. So what if that's the one he likes too? It's also not the one he expected Ritsuka to go for, and that's . . . something to think about later. Isn't this one more revealing? Not that she's actually going to put it on. Obviously. Is she? Is she going to put it on?!
The kind lady, who of course thinks Ritsuka is definitely going to put it on, grabs a couple of likely sizes off the rack.
"That sounds unanimous! Shall we go try these on, dear?"]
[ Of course. Of course. She knew this was going to happen. Do they even have the time for this?! But they can't just back out now, not after this nice lady has helped them so much... ]
O...okay...
[ She can't look at Kadoc when she says it. Her face feels like it's going to catch on fire at any second, but also, isn't this kind of his fault? He was the one who came up with this cover story in the first place, so he's just going to have to deal with waiting for her, and for having to look at her modeling this. (It's so much skin! What was she thinking?!)
"Excellent!" the lady says happily, and gestures. "The changing rooms are this way."
And with that, what else she can do? She can't even look at Kadoc to convey something like take a photo of the costumes while I'm doing this, because she is being swept off to her fate. Oh no. ]
[Luckily, Kadoc is clever enough to realize that he should get a photo to complete the task while he's alone and not being chatted at by overly helpful employees. . . . But it takes him a minute. More than a minute. He spends some time just kind of standing there staring at the nothing in the space where Ritsuka went off with the worker.
Oh man. She's not actually going to come back wearing it. Is she? No way. She'll probably get back there, pretend to chicken out, and come back fully clothed and embarrassed but they'll have gotten their photo and they'll both get out of this intact.
That's what's going to happen. . . . Right?
Finally it does occur to him that he'd better do that so that he's not just standing here stupidly like this when she comes back (FULLY CLOTHED), having wasted the opportunity. Okay! Snapping a pic of the other costume with his phone! They did it! Amazing, good job, now they can go . . . ]
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fujimaru
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 03:37 am (UTC)[And yet, in this moment, it feels like both of them could spontaneously open one with her out of the sheer force of black comedy.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 03:53 am (UTC)[ But frankly, she's also concerned about this possibility. What if they turn a corner and she's right there?! That would be--well, honestly, that would be hilarious, but only in the aftermath. Right now, it would be horrifying. ]
Let's just--if we do see her, pretend we don't...
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Date: 2022-06-26 05:03 am (UTC)[HE JUMPED RIGHT AHEAD TO THAT. His mind is off the rails and going here and there without his input at this point. But he has a point, doesn't he? Saber or otherwise, what if someone they know sees them go in together?!]
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Date: 2022-06-26 05:08 am (UTC)[ Why is that where your mind went, Kadoc?! She stares at him, aghast, still bright red. ]
I just meant, if, if we run into her or something along the way, or if she's nearby, or--whatever! Just like that! Not in the shop!
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 05:53 am (UTC)[They're coming up on the shop, and he does not feel normal about it. It looks like a gaudy palace on the outside, oh no. Oh dear.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 06:01 am (UTC)[ What even counts as normal, in a situation like this? Her steps slow as they approach the shop, and she has to look upon it and faintly despair. Oh no. Oh no, there's no way to be discreet about going into a place like this, is there... ]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-30 04:01 am (UTC)[Now. Right now is the moment they're normal! Kadoc looks up at the shop. It looks huge. Intimidating. This baby can fit so many sex toys in it, and they're about to step into that world, and it's cool. Because they're normal. They can be chill about it.
He looks over at Ritsuka, helplessly.]
You feeling it yet?
no subject
Date: 2022-06-30 04:17 am (UTC)No. Not at all.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-30 05:20 am (UTC)Wanna be invisible?
[It only just now occurred to him that he could do this. And it's probably not a great idea! It's suspicious as hell! Who goes into a store invisible? Shoplifters, that's who. They probably have alarms or something that alert security to invisible shoppers, because in this world, who wouldn't try it if they had Light magic and criminal inclinations?
But, you know. They could.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-30 05:23 am (UTC)She clears her throat, inching closer to him. ]
Maybe not... invisible, but could you just make it so like. No one looks at us?
I LOST THIS
Date: 2022-07-06 04:56 am (UTC)[Their time is running out. The clock is counting down, but he has to snipe at her over this first. He simply has no choice. Ritsuka, learn brainwashing already! What kind of mage are you! (He knows the answer to that.)
But even bickering, when she shifts close, he finds himself shifting closer, and he tells himself it's just so he can throw up an invisibility cloak at a moment's notice.]
(´。＿。｀)
Date: 2022-07-06 05:02 am (UTC)[ She ducks closer to him automatically when she senses him moving, her voice a low hiss. They probably don't need to stand this closely together, but here they are. ]
Look, let's just--do a quick look around and make no eye contact, and we should be fine.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-06 05:51 am (UTC)[But okay. Okay! They've got this! They're just . . . going to walk in super casually, standing very close together and looking completely bewildered and skittish, and that's definitely going to work out for them just fine, no questions asked.
Here they go.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-06 06:02 am (UTC)[ Here they gooooooooooo!
Ritsuka does not actually latch onto Kadoc's arm, though she considers it. It would probably help with the illusion, right? Like they're some nervous couple venturing into a sex shop for the first time--
No, wait, wait, back up! Not a couple! Not a couple!!
But she does stick close, looking around and doing her best to avoid making any eye contact. That doesn't stop an employee from zeroing in on them, but look. They're trying. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-08 04:29 am (UTC)It's too late. They're a young pair walking into a sex shop standing very close together and looking nervous, and the employee circles subtly once before approaching them. She's at least very, very gentle and soothing about this. She probably deals with it at least once a day.
"Welcome in. Is it your first time? Don't worry. I help nervous couples like you all the time."
She's all smiles about it.
Couples like them?!
Kadoc makes an indescribable choked sound, straightening up and looking helplessly over at Ritsuka.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-08 04:36 am (UTC)Her lips move, to deny the way she wants, but all she manages is a high-pitched squeak before her hand darts out, grabbing Kadoc's sleeve and shakes it. He's the smart one! Surely he can think of something as a cover story, right??
This is probably not helping, because the employee's smile only goes wider.
"It's fine," she says. "It can be pretty overwhelming when you're not used to it. Why don't you tell me what you're looking for?" ]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-08 06:02 am (UTC)[Unfortunately, the cover story here is being a couple. And they don't need a cover story! That's stupid! The actual reason is completely legitimate! Kadoc could literally just say that they're doing the scavenger hunt and need a cat ears headband. That's not even embarrassing. But he's so caught up in the embarrassment he's feeling anyway, and in Ritsuka's equally embarrassed reaction, that his brain is convinced they need to lie their way out of this, and unfortunately the easiest lie to yank out of his head is the worst possible thing.]
—She promised me she'd dress up like a catgirl for me!
no subject
Date: 2022-07-08 06:07 am (UTC)But it's too late. He's said it, and she doesn't want them to look suspicious! So after a second, she clears her throat and gently ("gently") smacks his arm with her free hand, because she's still holding onto his wrist. ]
I-it's his birthday soon, so...!!
no subject
Date: 2022-07-09 05:14 am (UTC)[The part about her looking super hot in a costume . . . he doesn't have to act for that. He remembers the ball where they'd ended up in costumes! She had been hot! Of course he hadn't been about to say that to her, but he hasn't forgotten that, or their awkward kiss.
He moves his hand to hold hers properly, because it's convincing that way and stuff. The employee gives them a warm, supportive smile.
"Follow me. I think I have just the thing."]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-09 05:22 am (UTC)At least the employee has already turned to walk away. Ritsuka doesn't know what else to do than follow. Her hand grips Kadoc's tightly in response, because of reasons she is choosing not to think about too deeply. If questioned, she'd say it was for solidarity, because they're both embarrassed and saying stupid shit.
In reality, who knows? Not her! ]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 05:06 am (UTC)Who knows? Not him!
The employee leads them back to the clothing racks at the back of the shop, where there are also dressing rooms. To her credit, she doesn't spring one of the really out there outfits on the two of them. She clearly knows better than to go for the stuff that's nothing more than half-inch wide strips of black leather just barely laid over sensitive areas. But she pulls out a couple that look a little more on the level of this shy young couple. They both have cat ear headbands! Mission accomplished! . . . Kadoc has temporarily forgotten the mission!]
Uh, yeah, those are . . . these are both good.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 05:14 am (UTC)What a nice lady, some distant part of her thinks. I wonder if there's a way to give her a tip for not murdering us both on the spot.
She hasn't entirely forgotten the mission, but the thought is drowned out by the terrible(?) awareness that she might actually have to try one of those one. Is the lady going to insist? If they're supposed to be a couple, then that means-- ]
M... maybe the first one...
no subject
Date: 2022-07-13 04:48 am (UTC)[Ahem. So what if that's the one he likes too? It's also not the one he expected Ritsuka to go for, and that's . . . something to think about later. Isn't this one more revealing? Not that she's actually going to put it on. Obviously. Is she? Is she going to put it on?!
The kind lady, who of course thinks Ritsuka is definitely going to put it on, grabs a couple of likely sizes off the rack.
"That sounds unanimous! Shall we go try these on, dear?"]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-13 04:53 am (UTC)O...okay...
[ She can't look at Kadoc when she says it. Her face feels like it's going to catch on fire at any second, but also, isn't this kind of his fault? He was the one who came up with this cover story in the first place, so he's just going to have to deal with waiting for her, and for having to look at her modeling this. (It's so much skin! What was she thinking?!)
"Excellent!" the lady says happily, and gestures. "The changing rooms are this way."
And with that, what else she can do? She can't even look at Kadoc to convey something like take a photo of the costumes while I'm doing this, because she is being swept off to her fate. Oh no. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-16 04:12 am (UTC)Oh man. She's not actually going to come back wearing it. Is she? No way. She'll probably get back there, pretend to chicken out, and come back fully clothed and embarrassed but they'll have gotten their photo and they'll both get out of this intact.
That's what's going to happen. . . . Right?
Finally it does occur to him that he'd better do that so that he's not just standing here stupidly like this when she comes back (FULLY CLOTHED), having wasted the opportunity. Okay! Snapping a pic of the other costume with his phone! They did it! Amazing, good job, now they can go . . . ]
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