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[fujimaru]

Ritsuka Fujimaru | 藤丸 立香
19(?) / F / Who knows!!

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Comments

[impostorsyndrome]

I wouldn't say it's wrong so much as telling. But you're talking to a guy who's never been considered cute in his life, so I'm not the authority here. Even an alien race would know better, looking at me.

[fujimaru]

[ She blinks slowly at the comment. It's one of those things where--she knows about his utter lack of self-esteem (it'd take someone completely blind to miss it, and Ritsuka can be oblivious, but that's a whole different level), but it still surprises her, the tiniest bit, when he comes out with that. Huh. ]

I dunno. I think you could be cute if you took better care of yourself.

[impostorsyndrome]

...That wasn't supposed to be fishing for compliments, sorry. Don't feel like you've gotta be nice about it. Anyway, I don't actually care. It is what it is. My looks have never really had an impact on my life anyway.

[He's self-conscious sometimes, sure, more than he'd like to admit to considering what he just said. But it's not really a lie either. What would being hot have changed about anything in his life?]

[fujimaru]

I'm not just trying to be nice. I mean it.

[ She's maybe about halfway done with her drink at this point, but she pauses on it, leaning a little more into his space to peer up at his face. The light isn't the best anymore, but she knows what he looks like at this point. ]

Trust me, I've spent the past three and a half years surrounded by really attractive people. I know it when I see it.

[impostorsyndrome]

Come on, I'm being serious. You don't have to say anything at all, much less something that overblown.

[REALLY ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE?! RITSUKA! His ears are pink even if that's not how she meant it! Kadoc leans back, but only a little, embarrassed.]

Just forget it! I don't care how I look. Which I know is the point. I could take better care of myself, I get it.

[fujimaru]

I'm also being serious.

[ She dicks around sometimes, but right now she's being sincere!! When he leans back, she doesn't follow, but she does stay leaning towards him. ]

You should definitely take better care of yourself in general, but I bet once you do, you'll clean up really well. I'm an expert by now.

[impostorsyndrome]

How are you an expert on this? Now I'm gonna feel weird about it. Like if I put some effort in, you'll think I'm trying to seduce you away from Kurusu. I'm not!

[fujimaru]

Don't worry, I know you're not interested.

[ Not like that!! It's one thing for them to be friends, but he definitely hadn't liked kissing her, and in her own memory, it feels like he'd disliked it more than just the bad timing of their circumstances might allow for. ]

But I told you, I've known plenty of people who turned out to be really hot once they actually tried. That's not even my point, though--you should take better care of yourself either way. Anything else will just be a bonus.

[impostorsyndrome]

For who . . . nevermind. It doesn't really matter, like I said. I'm not out looking for anyone.

[I know you're not interested feels weird. Why? Maybe because it puts the decision there on him, when she's the one dating someone, and has never expressed any interest in Kadoc, and never would, right? That'd be insane. She has a boyfriend. A hot boyfriend, even Kadoc has to admit. They fuck! They're all lovey-dovey and it's obnoxious but also kinda cute! So it's weird that the first thing she'd come out with is that Kadoc isn't interested, right?

Even though he's not, of course. More to the point, he can't let himself dwell on whether he ever could be, for those reasons. What if he decided he was? That could only ever be masochism.]

[fujimaru]

Yeah, but--

[ But what? This is the sort of thing that Ritsuka understands more on an instinctive level than an intellectual one; she knows how it feels to her, but she's not entirely confident in her ability to put it into words. ]

Sometimes it's just... nice, to feel like you look good. It's not like you've gotta be drop-dead gorgeous or anything, but just--feeling good about yourself. Maybe it's not much, but it's something.

[ Not that Ritsuka usually feels beautiful or anything like that--but she is confident that she can clean up cute, and Akira has always been very kind about her insecurities there. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

[You always look good, though, is his first thought, because well. She does! He's not blind. She's pretty and that's not really dependent on her looking her best . . . he can't say that, though. It really does get into weird territory.]

. . . Can't relate. Not that I'm trying to brush you off. I believe you, I just can't imagine it. But sure, maybe someday.

[fujimaru]

At least try it before you decide that.

[ She hasn't been drinking, distracted by gently elbowing him in the side again. ]

If even I can get dolled up, you definitely can. You've got a nice face, under all of the "I haven't slept in a week" problems.

[impostorsyndrome]

If anyone else said that to me I'd think they were negging me. . . . Just drink your tea.

[He can at least encourage her in a way that sounds normal-complainy about things because he's This Way. It's not suspicious!]

If we get into it about why the hell you think I'm working with a better canvas than you are here, you'll go on forever, and I still won't be convinced.

[fujimaru]

Yeah, yeah.

[ Fineeeeeee, she takes another sip, making deliberate eye contact as she does. Are you happy now, Kadoc? ]

Anyway, it wouldn't be a forever thing. And you don't have to believe it for me to be right.

[impostorsyndrome]

[He does actually smile, not just because he's glad to see her drinking, but because it's kinda funny. Briefly!]

At this point, I don't even know what you're suggesting I do.

[fujimaru]

Sleep more, eat more than one meal a day, maybe sit outside more if you're gonna read.

[ That's easy! She takes another absentminded sip of her drink, leaning away again so she can look him over more critically. ]

You've actually got really nice features? You could definitely rock the whole "delicate young master" look if you wanted, but right now, you kind of look like you need a sandwich or ten first.

[impostorsyndrome]

You don't have to keep talking about my face.

[HE'S . . SO EMBARRASSED NOW . . . even in the dimness of the evening, his ears are visibly red. She keeps saying it?! Why!]

What the hell is a delicate young master look anyway?

[fujimaru]

[ Why are you embarrassed, Kadoc!! ]

You know, that sort of--kind of thin features, on the pale side, has better lashes than most women? Play some more dating games, you'll see what I mean.

[ is this really helpful, ]

[impostorsyndrome]

I'm gonna pass on that one. . . . You play those?

[Why is he surprised . . . it's such a normal girl thing to do, and she's such a normal girl! But still he didn't expect it. And he's still embarrassed, leaning away and blushing.]

[fujimaru]

Yeah? I wasn't a connoisseur or anything, but I played some. They were fun.

[ They were the closest she got to actual dates while in school, mostly because she was exactly that sort of easygoing unfocused teen, even when it came to connecting with others back then. ]

Most of them were kind of trashy, but some of them were actually good.

[impostorsyndrome]

You know those characters are totally idealized, obviously. Physically, and in every other way. A drawing can look hot even if he's pale and scrawny, but once you get into reality, all that doesn't mean shit.

[Did she go for the pale scrawny ones in games . . . who did she go for . . . not that it has anything to do with reality, at all! It doesn't! That's the point of those games.]

[fujimaru]

[ She went for harem ends whenever possible, because of course she did. ]

I know that. They do that in romance stories all the time? The heroine always talks about how she's plain and stuff, but then all these cool dashing guys think she's super hot. Isn't that the point, pretending you could be someone like that?

[ Her legs swing again, idle. The drink is almost gone by now. ]

My point, though, is that you could be like that for real if you took care of the whole scrawny thing.

[impostorsyndrome]

And my point is that I don't give a shit! I'm not out there looking for anyone, especially not someone who cares that much about how scrawny I am.

[SHE'S DESCRIBING HERSELF . . . SHE'S A ROMANCE HEROINE . . . WHO TALKS ABOUT HOW SHE'S PLAIN BUT COOL DASHING GUYS AND GIRLS THINK SHE'S SUPER HOT . . . RITSUKA . . . PLEASE . . . ]

[fujimaru]

I'm not even talking about if you're looking for someone! You should do it for your own health! And you might feel better about yourself if you did?!

[ She's not a romance protagonist, okay, she's no Emiya Shirou with multiple dating routes. There is ONE person who thinks she's hot and has said so to her face without dancing around the issue or leaving it to innuendo and implication, and so there is ONE person that Ritsuka (mostly) accepts that from.

But she does poof up a little, the drink forgotten again. At least it's mostly gone by now. ]

I just want you to take care of yourself, so you can feel better about yourself?!

[impostorsyndrome]

. . . Trust me, my problems with that go way deeper than my looks.

[But he deflates some. That's at least a logic that makes sense, even if he doesn't agree with it!]