He didn't stay. In the end, he's loyal to Kirschtaria.
[ And him, specially. Ritsuka doesn't think it's anything about the Foreign God in particular, and it's certainly not to prove anything, the way it had been for Kadoc. His choice had been a personal loyalty. ]
But I did like him. I can see why he'd be fun to gossip with.
[Kadoc nods, leaning on the counter, staring down at the kettle. That's the way Pepe is. All of the Crypters have their own reasons, and Pepe's hadn't been anything so self-centered as Kadoc's. He isn't that type of person.]
. . . He's always wanted to be a big sister to us. Maybe just to me, I dunno. His own words, though. If I was ever struggling and he could tell, he'd pull me aside for tea.
[ There'd been something else there, too. A darker edge, a bitterness that she recognized very well from her Servants. A person like that thrives with a cause to follow, a person they can declare "good" by their own standards, and in Pepe's case, he'd chosen Kirschtaria. Her wistfulness is simply that. ]
Who knows. Maybe your ex-boss and I can come to some kind of agreement, whenever I get to his Lostbelt.
[Kadoc's quiet for a moment, still staring at the kettle, before he lifts a hand to rest lightly on her arm. The truth is . . . ]
He's not exactly my boss, even ex. But I've got no idea what to think is gonna happen anymore. At this rate, nothing would surprise me. Maybe that's because everything's already gotten so out of hand that there's no sane option left.
[Is there any normal, expected, easy way forward for literally anyone involved anymore? No. There's nothing like that in store for any of them.]
[ But she's thoughtful rather than upset, leaning into his touch. A beat later, she even tips her head to let it rest briefly against his shoulder. The angle is bad to hold it for long, but she still likes that little content. ]
I think maybe I'm a little crazy at this point. But I don't plan on giving up. And if it's possible, I'd like to do it without destroying everything in my path.
Yeah. I think you are. . . . But you're still human. That's more than you can say for us mages. A little crazy, but still human.
[He thinks he loves that about her. To think, someone this human is looking to him for comfort. Taking warmth and strength in his presence. He leans his head against hers, wrapping an arm around her and feeling his heart thump heavily in his chest.]
[ Forget the tea. When he leans into her, she just gives up entirely on her prep work for the moment, turning to lean more into him and taking a deep breath. It feels cleansing, in a way: to reach out to someone that she likes, and have that contact accepted and reciprocated. It feels good. ]
For a lot of things. But specifically this, right now.
[Tentatively, he lifts his other arm, wrapping around her for a light hug. It's not that he really wants it to be light. He wants to squeeze her firmly, tell her everything will be okay . . . but there's still a shyness holding him back. Just holding her is enough for this moment. Maybe once he gets his nerve up. Comforting anyone is still so new to him. That's her skill—she can make even a mage like him feel human, too.]
[ Like it's an invitation, as soon as his arm settles around her, Ritsuka turns more into it, letting her body lean more against his. Even a light hug feels good. It helps to ground her further, anchoring her into this moment, with this person, and the whole tangle of emotions that exist between them. She likes this. She likes him, so much. A beat later, she winds her own arms around his waist, equally light, but clingy in its own way. ]
[But this is good. He doesn't have to say the exact words in return, maybe. His tone is light and uncomplaining, and there's no sense of tension or urgency in the way he lets his body fold around hers and just hold on. It's like no touch he's ever had before in his life. It feels like it might be a touch he wasn't ever meant to have, as a mage. There are things Ritsuka understands by now and things she maybe never will, and that's one of the latter.]
. . . Thanks. I dunno if I should thank you for this, but I am anyway.
[ There is a smile in her voice, even if he can't see her face, with the way she has her head on his shoulder. She does still want the tea; she'll get back to preparing it once this is over... but she meant what she'd said. This is important. Sometimes, you just want human connection above anything else. Ritsuka might not understand in the same way Kadoc feels it, but she knows that desire very well.
It's been a long time since she's had it. ]
I'd say you're welcome, but instead, I'll say thank you, too. This is good for me, too.
I guess I always figured someone like you could get something like this from anyone you wanted.
[Maybe he'd never wanted to think deeply enough on it to determine how likely it was. That's a very real possibility. But the very first vibe he'd gotten off her, meeting her in person in Russia, had given him an impression he'd never shaken: a woman who could form bonds with anyone, and those bonds worked to her advantage, despite her never openly aiming to form them for that reason. More likely because she never formed them for that reason.
It's outright insane how many Servants she manages to wrangle and maintain positive relations with. And yet here she is, thanking him for his.]
[ But he's both right and wrong about the comment. She tips her head a little against his shoulder, quietly thoughtful. ]
I guess it's more like--it's easy enough for me to make friends with people. People are really great. There's so many stories out there, and I'm happy to learn them. But there's always going to be a little bit of a gap, you know? A distance.
[ If anyone is going to understand what she's trying to articulate, she thinks it will be him. He was a Master too, in an infinitely more grim scenario than the battle royale of a standard Holy Grail War. ]
I don't mind sharing myself with people too, but... it's nice when there's someone who understands where I'm coming from.
. . . I'm not used to being that guy. But I guess that's how it is. That's really something . . . you didn't grow up a mage, so you wouldn't know. But relating to one another is the last thing we're encouraged to do.
[Of course mages understand one another. Of course many of them have been through similar experiences, growing up in mage society. But sympathizing with one another over such things? Those are nothing but passing acknowledgements of a shared history—definitely nothing to linger on or take into account in how they treat one another.
How would they ever justify the process of passing on the family crest to a child if they let those things get in their way?
Kadoc rubs his hand over Ritsuka's arm, sitting with those morose thoughts.]
. . . I guess what I'm saying is I'm not gonna be very good at this right off the bat. But I want to be.
I'm not expecting you to be good at it right away. I know I won't be, either.
[ But saying that, she relaxes further. There's something nice about the touch, the rhythmic repetition of it. How long has it been since she was able to just be close with someone and just be? Just breathe? Not for a long time; even the quiet moments she's shared with her Servants haven't been quite like this.
Those moments are still precious in her memory, but this--this is something new, and fragile, and something she's wanted for so long. ]
[The thought of that fills Kadoc with warmth. What a simple thing. It feels so obvious when she says it. Is this what it's like? To have a normal, healthy relationship with someone? Not even just romantically, but period? Learning together. Being imperfect, but understanding that about one another, and trying their best anyway, and accepting it for the reality it is. He tightens his arms around her in a brief hug, letting his face rest against her hair.]
Me too. I'll give it all I've got. That part I'll swear to you.
[ She makes a small pleased noise at the hug, leaning harder into it for a second--and then she pulls back, untangling herself just enough to hold up a hand, all fingers curled except for the pinky.
It's a childish sort of gesture, but a sincere one. She doesn't need sacred oaths, or whatever contracts that magecraft might create. The rhyme from her childhood is enough. ]
I'll swear, too. You've got me. I'll give you everything of me you want.
[He stares at her upheld pinky for a moment and then laughs, not unkindly, shaking his head; it takes a second to sink in that this is really what she wants, but you know what? Fine. Why not? It feels ridiculous, but what doesn't at this point? Is that so bad?
So Kadoc snags her pinky with his own.]
I thought I was supposed to get you a promise ring or something. If we're gonna be middle school about it. . . . But I swear.
I can think of worse things I'd willingly go through if I hurt you like that.
[He's a mage, after all. Swallowing a thousand needles would be a day in the park compared to the ritual to accept his family's crest, not to mention less than he'd deserve for fucking over a girl like Ritsuka.]
[ But there's laughter in her voice as she says it, looking up at him with a brighter smile than before. There's that kindness of his again, no matter how much he tries to deny it, and it makes her so happy every time she sees or hears it.
And you know what? It's nice having that care turned towards her. She could get used to that. ]
. . . When you look at me like that, there's no lengths I wouldn't go to for you.
[It's unfair, that's what it is. It's an unfair softness in her eyes and around her smiling lips, which feel like they're beckoning to him, and he's allowed to answer. That hasn't sunk in quite yet. Kadoc's allowed to let the magnetic pull of her sway him down towards her so he can press his lips softly to hers, because she's decided to let him. So he does.
[ Whoa. She starts briefly, though whether it's because of the kiss of the words preceding it, she's not sure. Both count pretty strongly as whoa! things in her book. It might not be the exact words I love you, but there's an explicit weight that she understands. It feels right, settled deep in her bones, and she can feel something giddy bubbling up inside of her, bright and helplessly drawn to him, closer than before.
She goes up onto her toes just a little to return the pressure, and then mumbles, without pulling back: ]
You don't have to go anywhere. I'd rather you stay with me.
[He's so nervous the instant he lets that slip. What if she didn't mean it that way! What if now she thinks he's a creep—dammit, he's had this paranoid conversation with himself like five times already tonight. Kadoc's brain would do anything to make him doubt anything good that seems to be happening to him, or convince him he's actively ruining it. He has to take a breath and let it out slowly, feeling the closeness of her against him and holding her there loosely in the circle of his arms.]
Yeah. Tonight, if you want. Any night you feel like it.
[ It's a bold thing to offer. She knows it is. There's a part of her that's amazed at her own audacity, but no part of her is anxious or worried about it. The offer came out so easily, and it feels comfortable despite the depths of possibility within it, and she feels no urge to take it back. There's no fear that he'll recoil, or that he'll run--maybe they're only just at the beginning of a Romantic Relationship, but they know each other by now, don't they? They've spent a year circling this. Maybe more, all things considered. As long as he wants to stay with her, she wants him by her side. ]
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fujimaru
no subject
Date: 2023-11-13 07:57 am (UTC)[ And him, specially. Ritsuka doesn't think it's anything about the Foreign God in particular, and it's certainly not to prove anything, the way it had been for Kadoc. His choice had been a personal loyalty. ]
But I did like him. I can see why he'd be fun to gossip with.
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Date: 2023-11-15 07:24 am (UTC). . . He's always wanted to be a big sister to us. Maybe just to me, I dunno. His own words, though. If I was ever struggling and he could tell, he'd pull me aside for tea.
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Date: 2023-11-15 07:47 pm (UTC)[ There'd been something else there, too. A darker edge, a bitterness that she recognized very well from her Servants. A person like that thrives with a cause to follow, a person they can declare "good" by their own standards, and in Pepe's case, he'd chosen Kirschtaria. Her wistfulness is simply that. ]
Who knows. Maybe your ex-boss and I can come to some kind of agreement, whenever I get to his Lostbelt.
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Date: 2023-11-20 07:42 am (UTC)He's not exactly my boss, even ex. But I've got no idea what to think is gonna happen anymore. At this rate, nothing would surprise me. Maybe that's because everything's already gotten so out of hand that there's no sane option left.
[Is there any normal, expected, easy way forward for literally anyone involved anymore? No. There's nothing like that in store for any of them.]
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Date: 2023-11-20 07:58 am (UTC)[ But she's thoughtful rather than upset, leaning into his touch. A beat later, she even tips her head to let it rest briefly against his shoulder. The angle is bad to hold it for long, but she still likes that little content. ]
I think maybe I'm a little crazy at this point. But I don't plan on giving up. And if it's possible, I'd like to do it without destroying everything in my path.
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Date: 2023-11-23 07:47 am (UTC)[He thinks he loves that about her. To think, someone this human is looking to him for comfort. Taking warmth and strength in his presence. He leans his head against hers, wrapping an arm around her and feeling his heart thump heavily in his chest.]
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Date: 2023-11-23 08:12 am (UTC)[ Forget the tea. When he leans into her, she just gives up entirely on her prep work for the moment, turning to lean more into him and taking a deep breath. It feels cleansing, in a way: to reach out to someone that she likes, and have that contact accepted and reciprocated. It feels good. ]
For a lot of things. But specifically this, right now.
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Date: 2023-11-29 07:34 am (UTC)[Tentatively, he lifts his other arm, wrapping around her for a light hug. It's not that he really wants it to be light. He wants to squeeze her firmly, tell her everything will be okay . . . but there's still a shyness holding him back. Just holding her is enough for this moment. Maybe once he gets his nerve up. Comforting anyone is still so new to him. That's her skill—she can make even a mage like him feel human, too.]
no subject
Date: 2023-11-29 07:47 am (UTC)[ Like it's an invitation, as soon as his arm settles around her, Ritsuka turns more into it, letting her body lean more against his. Even a light hug feels good. It helps to ground her further, anchoring her into this moment, with this person, and the whole tangle of emotions that exist between them. She likes this. She likes him, so much. A beat later, she winds her own arms around his waist, equally light, but clingy in its own way. ]
This is good.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-08 06:27 am (UTC)[But this is good. He doesn't have to say the exact words in return, maybe. His tone is light and uncomplaining, and there's no sense of tension or urgency in the way he lets his body fold around hers and just hold on. It's like no touch he's ever had before in his life. It feels like it might be a touch he wasn't ever meant to have, as a mage. There are things Ritsuka understands by now and things she maybe never will, and that's one of the latter.]
. . . Thanks. I dunno if I should thank you for this, but I am anyway.
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Date: 2023-12-08 06:42 am (UTC)[ There is a smile in her voice, even if he can't see her face, with the way she has her head on his shoulder. She does still want the tea; she'll get back to preparing it once this is over... but she meant what she'd said. This is important. Sometimes, you just want human connection above anything else. Ritsuka might not understand in the same way Kadoc feels it, but she knows that desire very well.
It's been a long time since she's had it. ]
I'd say you're welcome, but instead, I'll say thank you, too. This is good for me, too.
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Date: 2023-12-13 06:56 am (UTC)[Maybe he'd never wanted to think deeply enough on it to determine how likely it was. That's a very real possibility. But the very first vibe he'd gotten off her, meeting her in person in Russia, had given him an impression he'd never shaken: a woman who could form bonds with anyone, and those bonds worked to her advantage, despite her never openly aiming to form them for that reason. More likely because she never formed them for that reason.
It's outright insane how many Servants she manages to wrangle and maintain positive relations with. And yet here she is, thanking him for his.]
I'm just lucky it's me.
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Date: 2023-12-13 05:23 pm (UTC)[ But he's both right and wrong about the comment. She tips her head a little against his shoulder, quietly thoughtful. ]
I guess it's more like--it's easy enough for me to make friends with people. People are really great. There's so many stories out there, and I'm happy to learn them. But there's always going to be a little bit of a gap, you know? A distance.
[ If anyone is going to understand what she's trying to articulate, she thinks it will be him. He was a Master too, in an infinitely more grim scenario than the battle royale of a standard Holy Grail War. ]
I don't mind sharing myself with people too, but... it's nice when there's someone who understands where I'm coming from.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-26 06:58 am (UTC)[Of course mages understand one another. Of course many of them have been through similar experiences, growing up in mage society. But sympathizing with one another over such things? Those are nothing but passing acknowledgements of a shared history—definitely nothing to linger on or take into account in how they treat one another.
How would they ever justify the process of passing on the family crest to a child if they let those things get in their way?
Kadoc rubs his hand over Ritsuka's arm, sitting with those morose thoughts.]
. . . I guess what I'm saying is I'm not gonna be very good at this right off the bat. But I want to be.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-26 07:14 am (UTC)[ But saying that, she relaxes further. There's something nice about the touch, the rhythmic repetition of it. How long has it been since she was able to just be close with someone and just be? Just breathe? Not for a long time; even the quiet moments she's shared with her Servants haven't been quite like this.
Those moments are still precious in her memory, but this--this is something new, and fragile, and something she's wanted for so long. ]
We can learn together. I'd like that.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-30 07:25 am (UTC)[The thought of that fills Kadoc with warmth. What a simple thing. It feels so obvious when she says it. Is this what it's like? To have a normal, healthy relationship with someone? Not even just romantically, but period? Learning together. Being imperfect, but understanding that about one another, and trying their best anyway, and accepting it for the reality it is. He tightens his arms around her in a brief hug, letting his face rest against her hair.]
Me too. I'll give it all I've got. That part I'll swear to you.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-30 07:50 am (UTC)It's a childish sort of gesture, but a sincere one. She doesn't need sacred oaths, or whatever contracts that magecraft might create. The rhyme from her childhood is enough. ]
I'll swear, too. You've got me. I'll give you everything of me you want.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-01 09:12 am (UTC)So Kadoc snags her pinky with his own.]
I thought I was supposed to get you a promise ring or something. If we're gonna be middle school about it. . . . But I swear.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-01 07:04 pm (UTC)[ She curls her pinky around his, smiling quietly as she does. ]
There's a whole rhyme that goes with it. "If I'm lying, I'll swallow a thousand needles." But I don't think we need to go that far.
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Date: 2024-01-08 07:06 am (UTC)[He's a mage, after all. Swallowing a thousand needles would be a day in the park compared to the ritual to accept his family's crest, not to mention less than he'd deserve for fucking over a girl like Ritsuka.]
no subject
Date: 2024-01-08 07:32 am (UTC)[ But there's laughter in her voice as she says it, looking up at him with a brighter smile than before. There's that kindness of his again, no matter how much he tries to deny it, and it makes her so happy every time she sees or hears it.
And you know what? It's nice having that care turned towards her. She could get used to that. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-01-16 07:06 am (UTC)[It's unfair, that's what it is. It's an unfair softness in her eyes and around her smiling lips, which feel like they're beckoning to him, and he's allowed to answer. That hasn't sunk in quite yet. Kadoc's allowed to let the magnetic pull of her sway him down towards her so he can press his lips softly to hers, because she's decided to let him. So he does.
Whoa.]
no subject
Date: 2024-01-16 07:45 am (UTC)She goes up onto her toes just a little to return the pressure, and then mumbles, without pulling back: ]
You don't have to go anywhere. I'd rather you stay with me.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-24 07:16 am (UTC)[He's so nervous the instant he lets that slip. What if she didn't mean it that way! What if now she thinks he's a creep—dammit, he's had this paranoid conversation with himself like five times already tonight. Kadoc's brain would do anything to make him doubt anything good that seems to be happening to him, or convince him he's actively ruining it. He has to take a breath and let it out slowly, feeling the closeness of her against him and holding her there loosely in the circle of his arms.]
no subject
Date: 2024-01-24 07:36 am (UTC)[ It's a bold thing to offer. She knows it is. There's a part of her that's amazed at her own audacity, but no part of her is anxious or worried about it. The offer came out so easily, and it feels comfortable despite the depths of possibility within it, and she feels no urge to take it back. There's no fear that he'll recoil, or that he'll run--maybe they're only just at the beginning of a Romantic Relationship, but they know each other by now, don't they? They've spent a year circling this. Maybe more, all things considered. As long as he wants to stay with her, she wants him by her side. ]
I'd be really happy to have you.
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