Have you seen what Excalibur can do?! If you're gonna make it a sex toy, it's definitely going to be a vibrator!!
[ She hisses at him, still low, though when she sees him blushing, it occurs to her that it was probably... probably too much information? His blushing triggers the same response in her, and she would call it sympathy embarrassment, but she knows better. It's just the realization catching up to her. Ahhhhhhhhh?! ]
[He has no idea what to say in response to that. She's not wrong, but come on. Come on! He just gapes at her as they walk, which is threatening to break into a run any time now, ostensibly so they can get there faster but realistically so that he can try to outrun his embarrassment. The faster he goes, the more he's breathing hard to keep up and has an excuse not to talk. Ha! Perfect.
But he can't help himself, after a minute. He's cursed. This conversation has cursed him.]
[It's the first person he thinks of, being a Knight of the Round and also a woman, and he has much more experience with her than he does anyone else who fits that description.]
Oh. Shit, yeah, I knew that, just slipped my mind . . . there's no way she's really listening, right? Isn't she not even your Servant? It's not like you have a mental connection with her?
[And yet, in this moment, it feels like both of them could spontaneously open one with her out of the sheer force of black comedy.]
[ But frankly, she's also concerned about this possibility. What if they turn a corner and she's right there?! That would be--well, honestly, that would be hilarious, but only in the aftermath. Right now, it would be horrifying. ]
[HE JUMPED RIGHT AHEAD TO THAT. His mind is off the rails and going here and there without his input at this point. But he has a point, doesn't he? Saber or otherwise, what if someone they know sees them go in together?!]
Are we? Are we being normal? I don't feel it, do you?
[ What even counts as normal, in a situation like this? Her steps slow as they approach the shop, and she has to look upon it and faintly despair. Oh no. Oh no, there's no way to be discreet about going into a place like this, is there... ]
I said it in the future tense for a reason. We're gonna be normal about this starting . . . now.
[Now. Right now is the moment they're normal! Kadoc looks up at the shop. It looks huge. Intimidating. This baby can fit so many sex toys in it, and they're about to step into that world, and it's cool. Because they're normal. They can be chill about it.
[ She takes a deep, considering breath, and then--shakes her head, her shoulders slumping. For now, she's mostly keeping her eyes on the floor, though she does keep glancing up and around in quick flashes before staring at their feet again. ]
Shit. Okay. Then we're gonna have to be abnormal about this.
Wanna be invisible?
[It only just now occurred to him that he could do this. And it's probably not a great idea! It's suspicious as hell! Who goes into a store invisible? Shoplifters, that's who. They probably have alarms or something that alert security to invisible shoppers, because in this world, who wouldn't try it if they had Light magic and criminal inclinations?
[ She spends entirely too long weighing this. The fact that there are probably safeguards to prevent invisible shoplifting crimes, and if they do it, they're going to be flagged as suspicious, and get kicked out... getting kicked out of a sex shop is probably more embarrassing than getting kicked out of a dollar store? Probably?! But also--but then--but--
She clears her throat, inching closer to him. ]
Maybe not... invisible, but could you just make it so like. No one looks at us?
That'd be Cognitive magic, I'm pretty sure. Wait, isn't that you? Can't you do something like that? Just brainwash everyone or whatever.
[Their time is running out. The clock is counting down, but he has to snipe at her over this first. He simply has no choice. Ritsuka, learn brainwashing already! What kind of mage are you! (He knows the answer to that.)
But even bickering, when she shifts close, he finds himself shifting closer, and he tells himself it's just so he can throw up an invisibility cloak at a moment's notice.]
It's not like I'm good at it! I usually just... ask people and they'll do things without any effort, because they're nice. "Please" and "thank you" work just as well!
[ She ducks closer to him automatically when she senses him moving, her voice a low hiss. They probably don't need to stand this closely together, but here they are. ]
Look, let's just--do a quick look around and make no eye contact, and we should be fine.
If people start staring, you brainwash them and I'll blind them with a flash of light. That's teamwork.
[But okay. Okay! They've got this! They're just . . . going to walk in super casually, standing very close together and looking completely bewildered and skittish, and that's definitely going to work out for them just fine, no questions asked.
Ritsuka does not actually latch onto Kadoc's arm, though she considers it. It would probably help with the illusion, right? Like they're some nervous couple venturing into a sex shop for the first time--
No, wait, wait, back up! Not a couple! Not a couple!!
But she does stick close, looking around and doing her best to avoid making any eye contact. That doesn't stop an employee from zeroing in on them, but look. They're trying. ]
It's too late. They're a young pair walking into a sex shop standing very close together and looking nervous, and the employee circles subtly once before approaching them. She's at least very, very gentle and soothing about this. She probably deals with it at least once a day.
"Welcome in. Is it your first time? Don't worry. I help nervous couples like you all the time."
She's all smiles about it.
Couples like them?!
Kadoc makes an indescribable choked sound, straightening up and looking helplessly over at Ritsuka.]
[ Unfortunately, she is equally frozen at the comment. On some level, she does recognize the lady is only trying to be friendly and helpful, but also: couples like them?! Ahhhhhhhhh?!
Her lips move, to deny the way she wants, but all she manages is a high-pitched squeak before her hand darts out, grabbing Kadoc's sleeve and shakes it. He's the smart one! Surely he can think of something as a cover story, right??
This is probably not helping, because the employee's smile only goes wider.
"It's fine," she says. "It can be pretty overwhelming when you're not used to it. Why don't you tell me what you're looking for?" ]
[Unfortunately, the cover story here is being a couple. And they don't need a cover story! That's stupid! The actual reason is completely legitimate! Kadoc could literally just say that they're doing the scavenger hunt and need a cat ears headband. That's not even embarrassing. But he's so caught up in the embarrassment he's feeling anyway, and in Ritsuka's equally embarrassed reaction, that his brain is convinced they need to lie their way out of this, and unfortunately the easiest lie to yank out of his head is the worst possible thing.]
—She promised me she'd dress up like a catgirl for me!
[ The employee laughs, a polite tittering giggle behind one hand, which thankfully means she misses the look of sheer overwhelmed embarrassment Ritsuka shoots at Kadoc. That's his idea of a cover story?! For real?! She trusted you, Kadoc!!
But it's too late. He's said it, and she doesn't want them to look suspicious! So after a second, she clears her throat and gently ("gently") smacks his arm with her free hand, because she's still holding onto his wrist. ]
Y, yeah. And she looks super hot in costume. So . . . she's gonna do it for me.
[The part about her looking super hot in a costume . . . he doesn't have to act for that. He remembers the ball where they'd ended up in costumes! She had been hot! Of course he hadn't been about to say that to her, but he hasn't forgotten that, or their awkward kiss.
He moves his hand to hold hers properly, because it's convincing that way and stuff. The employee gives them a warm, supportive smile.
[ She shoots him a startled look when he says that, something genuinely confused and bewildered in her gaze. "Super hot"? What?! Isn't that going a little too far?! She knows she can clean up decently if she puts time and effort into it (or someone does it for her, thanks faerie magic), but even then, that has to be an exaggeration...
At least the employee has already turned to walk away. Ritsuka doesn't know what else to do than follow. Her hand grips Kadoc's tightly in response, because of reasons she is choosing not to think about too deeply. If questioned, she'd say it was for solidarity, because they're both embarrassed and saying stupid shit.
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fujimaru
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 12:07 am (UTC)[ She hisses at him, still low, though when she sees him blushing, it occurs to her that it was probably... probably too much information? His blushing triggers the same response in her, and she would call it sympathy embarrassment, but she knows better. It's just the realization catching up to her. Ahhhhhhhhh?! ]
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Date: 2022-06-21 01:35 am (UTC)But he can't help himself, after a minute. He's cursed. This conversation has cursed him.]
. . .
Maybe it's a strap-on.
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Date: 2022-06-21 01:38 am (UTC)Kadoc, never say that kind of thing ever again--what if she heard us?!
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Date: 2022-06-21 03:54 am (UTC)[It's the first person he thinks of, being a Knight of the Round and also a woman, and he has much more experience with her than he does anyone else who fits that description.]
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Date: 2022-06-21 03:58 am (UTC)[ Oh god. Oh god?! Wow this is maybe the first time she's been happy that Gawain is no longer here!! ]
But you realize that Arturia herself is here too, right?! That's her sword we're talking about.
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Date: 2022-06-23 03:37 am (UTC)[And yet, in this moment, it feels like both of them could spontaneously open one with her out of the sheer force of black comedy.]
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Date: 2022-06-23 03:53 am (UTC)[ But frankly, she's also concerned about this possibility. What if they turn a corner and she's right there?! That would be--well, honestly, that would be hilarious, but only in the aftermath. Right now, it would be horrifying. ]
Let's just--if we do see her, pretend we don't...
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Date: 2022-06-26 05:03 am (UTC)[HE JUMPED RIGHT AHEAD TO THAT. His mind is off the rails and going here and there without his input at this point. But he has a point, doesn't he? Saber or otherwise, what if someone they know sees them go in together?!]
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Date: 2022-06-26 05:08 am (UTC)[ Why is that where your mind went, Kadoc?! She stares at him, aghast, still bright red. ]
I just meant, if, if we run into her or something along the way, or if she's nearby, or--whatever! Just like that! Not in the shop!
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Date: 2022-06-26 05:53 am (UTC)[They're coming up on the shop, and he does not feel normal about it. It looks like a gaudy palace on the outside, oh no. Oh dear.]
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Date: 2022-06-26 06:01 am (UTC)[ What even counts as normal, in a situation like this? Her steps slow as they approach the shop, and she has to look upon it and faintly despair. Oh no. Oh no, there's no way to be discreet about going into a place like this, is there... ]
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Date: 2022-06-30 04:01 am (UTC)[Now. Right now is the moment they're normal! Kadoc looks up at the shop. It looks huge. Intimidating. This baby can fit so many sex toys in it, and they're about to step into that world, and it's cool. Because they're normal. They can be chill about it.
He looks over at Ritsuka, helplessly.]
You feeling it yet?
no subject
Date: 2022-06-30 04:17 am (UTC)No. Not at all.
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Date: 2022-06-30 05:20 am (UTC)Wanna be invisible?
[It only just now occurred to him that he could do this. And it's probably not a great idea! It's suspicious as hell! Who goes into a store invisible? Shoplifters, that's who. They probably have alarms or something that alert security to invisible shoppers, because in this world, who wouldn't try it if they had Light magic and criminal inclinations?
But, you know. They could.]
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Date: 2022-06-30 05:23 am (UTC)She clears her throat, inching closer to him. ]
Maybe not... invisible, but could you just make it so like. No one looks at us?
I LOST THIS
Date: 2022-07-06 04:56 am (UTC)[Their time is running out. The clock is counting down, but he has to snipe at her over this first. He simply has no choice. Ritsuka, learn brainwashing already! What kind of mage are you! (He knows the answer to that.)
But even bickering, when she shifts close, he finds himself shifting closer, and he tells himself it's just so he can throw up an invisibility cloak at a moment's notice.]
(´。＿。｀)
Date: 2022-07-06 05:02 am (UTC)[ She ducks closer to him automatically when she senses him moving, her voice a low hiss. They probably don't need to stand this closely together, but here they are. ]
Look, let's just--do a quick look around and make no eye contact, and we should be fine.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-06 05:51 am (UTC)[But okay. Okay! They've got this! They're just . . . going to walk in super casually, standing very close together and looking completely bewildered and skittish, and that's definitely going to work out for them just fine, no questions asked.
Here they go.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-06 06:02 am (UTC)[ Here they gooooooooooo!
Ritsuka does not actually latch onto Kadoc's arm, though she considers it. It would probably help with the illusion, right? Like they're some nervous couple venturing into a sex shop for the first time--
No, wait, wait, back up! Not a couple! Not a couple!!
But she does stick close, looking around and doing her best to avoid making any eye contact. That doesn't stop an employee from zeroing in on them, but look. They're trying. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-08 04:29 am (UTC)It's too late. They're a young pair walking into a sex shop standing very close together and looking nervous, and the employee circles subtly once before approaching them. She's at least very, very gentle and soothing about this. She probably deals with it at least once a day.
"Welcome in. Is it your first time? Don't worry. I help nervous couples like you all the time."
She's all smiles about it.
Couples like them?!
Kadoc makes an indescribable choked sound, straightening up and looking helplessly over at Ritsuka.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-08 04:36 am (UTC)Her lips move, to deny the way she wants, but all she manages is a high-pitched squeak before her hand darts out, grabbing Kadoc's sleeve and shakes it. He's the smart one! Surely he can think of something as a cover story, right??
This is probably not helping, because the employee's smile only goes wider.
"It's fine," she says. "It can be pretty overwhelming when you're not used to it. Why don't you tell me what you're looking for?" ]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-08 06:02 am (UTC)[Unfortunately, the cover story here is being a couple. And they don't need a cover story! That's stupid! The actual reason is completely legitimate! Kadoc could literally just say that they're doing the scavenger hunt and need a cat ears headband. That's not even embarrassing. But he's so caught up in the embarrassment he's feeling anyway, and in Ritsuka's equally embarrassed reaction, that his brain is convinced they need to lie their way out of this, and unfortunately the easiest lie to yank out of his head is the worst possible thing.]
—She promised me she'd dress up like a catgirl for me!
no subject
Date: 2022-07-08 06:07 am (UTC)But it's too late. He's said it, and she doesn't want them to look suspicious! So after a second, she clears her throat and gently ("gently") smacks his arm with her free hand, because she's still holding onto his wrist. ]
I-it's his birthday soon, so...!!
no subject
Date: 2022-07-09 05:14 am (UTC)[The part about her looking super hot in a costume . . . he doesn't have to act for that. He remembers the ball where they'd ended up in costumes! She had been hot! Of course he hadn't been about to say that to her, but he hasn't forgotten that, or their awkward kiss.
He moves his hand to hold hers properly, because it's convincing that way and stuff. The employee gives them a warm, supportive smile.
"Follow me. I think I have just the thing."]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-09 05:22 am (UTC)At least the employee has already turned to walk away. Ritsuka doesn't know what else to do than follow. Her hand grips Kadoc's tightly in response, because of reasons she is choosing not to think about too deeply. If questioned, she'd say it was for solidarity, because they're both embarrassed and saying stupid shit.
In reality, who knows? Not her! ]
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