what even is this

[fujimaru]

Comment with a Servant* and I will write an IC Servant-shaming sign for them, as provided by Master. YOU CAN RESPOND OR NOT, but I'll do it.

* Servants do not have to actually be canon as long as we've threaded before/I'm familiar with the canon.

Comments

[weiyingdown]

I am thinking about Fou! Fou deserves a friend that won't jeopardize his position as the cutest, fluffiest mascot. A zombie is the perfect companion. Zombies don't need to eat, and they only give off a little bit of resentful energy. They're as low maintenance as you can get!

[fujimaru]

It tried to eat that one guy's brains! That part wasn't a lie! Fiction isn't always made up!!

[weiyingdown]

It was under control!

[he says it with such confidence that it might be believable]

No one's brains were actually eaten. Don't be such a party-pooper, Master.

[fujimaru]

You know I'd get in trouble if something happened to the staff, right?! Please! Have some mercy on your poor overworked Master!!

[weiyingdown]

Have a little more faith! Would I ever let someone be killed by a zombie? I'd lose all face if that happened. And surely they know better than to blame you for the actions of others. Otherwise you'd be blamed for everything that happens here. If you hadn't noticed, you have a lot of rowdy Servants.

[fujimaru]

Trust me.

I've noticed.

[weiyingdown]

Maybe you just naturally attract that kind of person.

[fujimaru]

"Maybe"... as if I have any control over the situation...

[weiyingdown]

[wagging a finger at her]

Take some responsibility for that magnetic personality of yours, Master!

[fujimaru]

Why is this about me?! I don't have anything magnetic at all!

[weiyingdown]

That oblivious nature of yours is cute, Master, but there's no need to be humble with me. You're the one who summoned all of the Servants here, troublesome or otherwise. You have a gift for attracting trouble in its many forms. Embrace it!

[fujimaru]

No. No, I refuse.

The moment I accept that maybe I attract trouble is the day everything goes really wrong, for absolute real.

[weiyingdown]

You already know that you attract trouble, you're just denying it for the sake of denying it.

[sage nod]

[fujimaru]

Because acknowledging it is like drawing more attention! Come on! You know how it is, don't you?!

[weiyingdown]

I don't know what you're talking about. I've never attracted unwanted attention in my life!

[fujimaru]

...

God and the Buddha both hate liars, Wei Wuxian.

[weiyingdown]

[PUTTING A HAND OVER HIS HEART]

I'm wounded! Would I ever lie to you? All of the attention I attract is attention I want.

[fujimaru]

...

[ She reaches up, slowly, to squish his face. ]

Uh-huh. Sure.

[weiyingdown]

[allows this unjustified face-squishing, but retaliates by reaching down to squish her cheeks in return]

This was all a clever ploy to get your attention. See, it's working.

[fujimaru]

Have you ever considered just... asking?

[ She says, without protesting the face squishing. This question is half rhetorical, anyway. ]

[weiyingdown]

But wasn't this more fun?

Besides, Kiyohime would definitely roast me alive if I said I wanted to spend time with you. That is attention I could do without.

[fujimaru]

She's gotten better!

...Mostly! Ish! Or maybe I've gotten better at dodging.

[weiyingdown]

You've gotten better at dodging. Fear gives you strength!

I haven't gotten better at dodging, and her fire burns just as much as it did the first day that I got here.

[fujimaru]

What's that? Should we work on your agility training? I could ask Sensei to draft a regime for you.

[ Surely Li Shuwen is a good choice for this kind of thing..................., ]

[weiyingdown]

No! I don't want to be agile! I want to be lazy.