[ Between the two of them, they can probably actually finish this bowl. Even if Kadoc doesn't look quite like he's on the verge of keeling over, the way he had when she'd last seen him, there's a part of Ritsuka that still approves. Her love-language is probably best defined as acts of service, and even if she doesn't really like the guy yet--she knows herself well enough to know that it's a yet--she does want him to continue on this apparently-healthier path. ]
I guess this is just my practice run for when I go back to Japan.
[ When, and not if. Because he was right: she does fully believe she will, someday, because that's her only path forward. ]
Between you and me, though, I'm not planning on telling anyone except for the big picture details. Maybe that's just me trying to control what people think about me... but I really don't think it's worth it, either.
[He lets out a little heh type noise around his bread at the comment about going back to Japan. But the truth is, the thought of her winning everything, saving Proper Human History, somehow resetting everything so it all goes back to the way it was and everything's fine and dandy—that's more plausible to him than the thought of Fujimaru going back to Japan to live a normal, non-magical life after this, in which she remembers everything but tells no one anything. Now that's a laugh. Kadoc can hardly conceive the thought. Would they even let her do that? Surely not; she'll have to have her memory erased or something if she plans on rejoining normal human society with the kind of knowledge she has. Right? But would she even want that? Wouldn't she yearn for the truth she knew was out there?
He can't imagine just being content to go back to normal.
But here, it's a different story.]
I don't either, but maybe that was already clear. I'm not gonna be casual about it. No one needs to hear my sob story, or my villain origin story, or however you wanna think about it. It'll help no one to make it public. Some people get real chatty on the network about what they've been through, but it's just . . . talk. We're all from our own circumstances here. Mine don't mean anything to anyone but me.
[ There'd been a point, once upon a time, where Ritsuka would have said she would have been content with that choice--maybe wistful that she couldn't have stayed, or regretful of the bonds she'd have to let go, but still content. Now is an entirely different story, but that's neither here nor there. It can be something to debate later. ]
It means something to me.
[ After all, in a very real way, his circumstances directly changed hers. He wasn't the only actor in that, and hardly the driving force that led to where Ritsuka was before she came to this Camelot... but it's still true.
And also, if he's observed even half as much as he's implied to have seen, then he must know some of how Ritsuka operates. It doesn't matter if someone was trying to kill her only days ago; if they're on the same side now, she's willing to work with them.
It's just that this time, the other person also remembers their history. ]
I know that's not the point you're trying to make. But it does.
[He should have expected she'd say it. Someday he'll learn to brace himself for these things she always says. It doesn't surprise him that she did, but he still didn't actually think she would, and now he's hardly sure how to respond, peering at her over the last of his coffee. But he knows this at least: that it wasn't the point.
She knows too, at least.]
. . . Besides, it's an obvious statement anyway. Our histories are intertwined, like it or not. You know, your Chaldean Servants have been pretty accepting of me, but none of them were there. They don't really know what they're holding out a hand to when they accept truce.
[ Or, perhaps more accurately, that's how Ritsuka works. In spite of her stance in the argument they've just had, she does know that the Servants do look to her for an example of how to respond to things... and time and again, she has always done the same thing. And here she is now, again: different verse, same story.
Saving the world isn't an individual thing; that's something she has known since the very beginning. ]
Especially here... why fight on multiple fronts? That's just pointlessly wearing yourself out.
I'd rather be friends with someone than fight them.
You've got this way of sounding both like a completely naive idealist and like a strict pragmatist at the same time. I wonder how you pull that off? Maybe that's your secret. Damn . . . I dunno. I'll probably never know. I'm just thinking out loud.
[He's not even upset about it. Interesting. She frustrates him, yeah, and it doesn't feel great feeling certain they'll never understand one another, but at least in this, there's no bitterness. It's probably annoying to her that he picks at her idly like this . . . he has mixed feelings about that, but it's not stopping him from doing it, apparently.
An idealistic pragmatist. Maybe that really is the secret of having gotten as far as she has, even knowing what horrors she's committing, and being able to look him in the eye even knowing the same about him.
He finishes his coffee, and grabs one more bite of bread.]
[ She just shrugs, a gentle roll of her shoulders. She's less worried about his declaration--there are plenty of people out there who have started out not understanding her, but have become close to her regardless. In her experience, it doesn't have to be a perfect meeting of minds for people to understand each other... but that feels condescending to point out, too. That's not the sort of thing you force, especially when the other person is so wary. ]
I don't know what my secret is, to be honest. Your guess is as good as mine. I just know what I want to do, and I try to remember what I've learned along the way to get it.
So... sorry not sorry, but I guess you're gonna get the chance to learn, too.
I'm the one who's sorry you decided on that for some reason. You're only gonna end up frustrated.
[Sigh. Literally, he does sigh, sitting back from the table some, arms crossed over his chest. But still, he's as comfortable right now as he's likely to ever get at this early stage with her. This is more bickering than arguing, and more reflexive body language than active discomfort. . . . Also, he's full. That was too much bread.]
. . . Who could ever eat a whole one of those things?
You say that now, but you'll just have to wait and see.
[ At least his threats to her life were more of a concentrated blitz, a distant enemy that had been stuck in a slowly-closing circle with her. It's not the same as a Servant casually telling her that she would be an easy snack, or the threat of Kiyohime's mad, uncontrollable rage. Kadoc is at least a human being that can be reasoned with, who isn't as beholden to the stories that shape him as a heroic spirit would be.
But when he says that, she reaches out to snag the last little bit of the bread bowl, shrugging. ]
I could! I did, sometimes. That was in Chaldea, though, so I needed everything I could get.
[ She had to generate resources somehow, and eating was probably the best and easiest way for her to do that. But even then-- ]
...Or, I guess I did it sometimes when we were in competition season, back in school.
What competition? Don't tell me you were a jock. Who am I kidding, of course you were.
[This is as close to good-natured teasing as Kadoc can manage as a person at this point, really. Back in school . . . she'd been an entirely normal person. She was just a normal high school girl who was on the softball team or something, competing alongside her friends, with no idea of what the world was hiding from her.
His thoughts are repeating themselves, he knows. Someday he'll get the fuck over it. That day isn't today. Today, his brain still has to remind him at every opportunity that this girl who'd saved the world was an absolutely ordinary nobody whose training had consisted of softball (maybe it was football?).]
[ The effect doesn't carry over, in a world where things are surely being translated automatically, but to Ritsuka's own ears, she says ball or bust! in English. As it is, it probably comes across as a little more stilted in her accent than normal. ]
I wasn't the best on my team, but I worked hard with everyone. There's a lot that goes into it! You've gotta have endurance.
[What the hell? Kadoc hears the strange intonation and can't place what's causing it; his brow furrows and he tips his head, but he can't make himself ask. Maybe if it happens again. Is he just hearing things?! He'll sound like an idiot if he asks and it was nothing!]
That's the most normal thing I've heard in what feels like forever. It really is exactly what I'd expect of you in that sense.
[ She huffs at him, but there's no heat or offense to it. She's interacted with the mage half of Chaldea's staff to know where some gaps might exist. And to be honest, she can't really imagine a class of magus children doing a sports festival.
(To be more honest and accurate, her first thought at "a classroom full of magus children" just brings to mind rows and rows of copy-pasted miniature sour-faced Kadocs. Terrifying.) ]
Just in the sense that you're one of the most normal damn people I've ever met. Aside from being completely insane, aside from everything you've done and been through, you're still like that. So I should know to expect it from you by now.
[This isn't a compliment, and nor is it an insult. It's an observation of reality. The reality feels twisted and complex, sure, but it still is what it is: she is both the most extraordinary human in the world, by virtue of everything that's happened, and painfully ordinary. One might not think those things can coexist in one person, but the evidence is right here.]
I feel like you're calling me two completely contradictory things in the same breath...
[ He's not even the first person who's done something like this, and yet it still confuses Ritsuka every time. How is she supposed to be both "one of the most normal" and also "completely insane"? That makes no sense. Ritsuka crosses her arms, raising an eyebrow. ]
Of course I am. That's the point. That's what kinda person you are. I can't believe you don't see it yourself. . . . And I've seen you on the battlefield, so I know all about how you operate under pressure.
[It was really that reckless behavior that made the greatest impression on Kadoc of the kind of person Fujimaru is—well, that, and now the fact that she wants to be his friend. She wants to spend time with him; she's happy he's alive, despite it all.
Between that and her throwing herself onto the front lines, how can he not think she's crazy?]
It's not like I like having to be out in the middle of a fight, either.
[ At this point, there's only crumbs left on his plate, but she's still idly picking at the largest of them. It's not even that she's hungry anymore, not really, but it's at least something to look at, now and then, that isn't his face. ]
The first fight, in Fuyuki, I thought I was going to die at any second. I've never really stopped feeling like that. Wouldn't it be crazier to not feel scared?
[ It's easier, to some degree, when Mash is around. At this point, Ritsuka knows exactly how much that shield can protect her from. But as hard as Mash tries, and as hard as Ritsuka tries, there are always circumstances where they're separated--now aside, it's happened plenty of times even back home. She trusts that shield more than anything, but she also doesn't expect its wielder to always be keeping a hawk's eye on her in the middle of a melee battle. ]
It's got nothing to do with you being scared or not. . . . But if you really said you weren't, I'd call you a liar. And if you said you weren't and I could tell you weren't lying about it, I'd be seriously concerned about you.
[As reckless as she is, she is still so very human. If she weren't at all afraid of the situations she throws herself into, it'd be hard to think of her as such. It doesn't at all match the core of what she is. Fujimaru isn't some kind of invincible hero riding into battle without fear. She's just someone who rides into battle anyway.
Kadoc has to respect it. He watches her, too, picking at the plate. No coffee left in his cup to stare at.]
[ As far as digs go, it's not much of one. There's a brief smile as she says it, quickly gone again. ]
Everything in our lives are just--they are what they are. We can't change them, so we have to adapt and do our best. I don't think it's crazy to do that, either. No matter what that leader of yours thinks, or what that alien god wants, I think it's crazier to want to go backwards. Why go back to the Age of the Gods?
[His own lips turn up too at the joke. It was a joke, right? Dry and dark as it was, but Kadoc likes that in a joke. Approved.]
You'd have to ask someone else. I never had any interest in all that myself. But I'm sure you've realized by now that just because we were all on the same side doesn't mean we all had the same goals. It'd be harder if we did.
[ Another joke, dry as it is, and Ritsuka finally leans back in her seat. ]
But that's the thing too. It could've been harder, but it's not, and I'm going to do my best to take advantage of that. And I'm sure the rest of the Crypters aren't going to go easy on me.
But even if they don't, I'm not going to give up. I'll succeed or die trying.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fujimaru
no subject
Date: 2021-09-25 06:23 pm (UTC)I guess this is just my practice run for when I go back to Japan.
[ When, and not if. Because he was right: she does fully believe she will, someday, because that's her only path forward. ]
Between you and me, though, I'm not planning on telling anyone except for the big picture details. Maybe that's just me trying to control what people think about me... but I really don't think it's worth it, either.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-29 04:24 am (UTC)He can't imagine just being content to go back to normal.
But here, it's a different story.]
I don't either, but maybe that was already clear. I'm not gonna be casual about it. No one needs to hear my sob story, or my villain origin story, or however you wanna think about it. It'll help no one to make it public. Some people get real chatty on the network about what they've been through, but it's just . . . talk. We're all from our own circumstances here. Mine don't mean anything to anyone but me.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-29 04:54 am (UTC)It means something to me.
[ After all, in a very real way, his circumstances directly changed hers. He wasn't the only actor in that, and hardly the driving force that led to where Ritsuka was before she came to this Camelot... but it's still true.
And also, if he's observed even half as much as he's implied to have seen, then he must know some of how Ritsuka operates. It doesn't matter if someone was trying to kill her only days ago; if they're on the same side now, she's willing to work with them.
It's just that this time, the other person also remembers their history. ]
I know that's not the point you're trying to make. But it does.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-03 03:14 am (UTC)[He should have expected she'd say it. Someday he'll learn to brace himself for these things she always says. It doesn't surprise him that she did, but he still didn't actually think she would, and now he's hardly sure how to respond, peering at her over the last of his coffee. But he knows this at least: that it wasn't the point.
She knows too, at least.]
. . . Besides, it's an obvious statement anyway. Our histories are intertwined, like it or not. You know, your Chaldean Servants have been pretty accepting of me, but none of them were there. They don't really know what they're holding out a hand to when they accept truce.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-03 04:22 am (UTC)[ Or, perhaps more accurately, that's how Ritsuka works. In spite of her stance in the argument they've just had, she does know that the Servants do look to her for an example of how to respond to things... and time and again, she has always done the same thing. And here she is now, again: different verse, same story.
Saving the world isn't an individual thing; that's something she has known since the very beginning. ]
Especially here... why fight on multiple fronts? That's just pointlessly wearing yourself out.
I'd rather be friends with someone than fight them.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-04 03:32 am (UTC)[He's not even upset about it. Interesting. She frustrates him, yeah, and it doesn't feel great feeling certain they'll never understand one another, but at least in this, there's no bitterness. It's probably annoying to her that he picks at her idly like this . . . he has mixed feelings about that, but it's not stopping him from doing it, apparently.
An idealistic pragmatist. Maybe that really is the secret of having gotten as far as she has, even knowing what horrors she's committing, and being able to look him in the eye even knowing the same about him.
He finishes his coffee, and grabs one more bite of bread.]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-04 04:51 am (UTC)I don't know what my secret is, to be honest. Your guess is as good as mine. I just know what I want to do, and I try to remember what I've learned along the way to get it.
So... sorry not sorry, but I guess you're gonna get the chance to learn, too.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-05 03:31 am (UTC)[Sigh. Literally, he does sigh, sitting back from the table some, arms crossed over his chest. But still, he's as comfortable right now as he's likely to ever get at this early stage with her. This is more bickering than arguing, and more reflexive body language than active discomfort. . . . Also, he's full. That was too much bread.]
. . . Who could ever eat a whole one of those things?
no subject
Date: 2021-10-05 03:44 am (UTC)[ At least his threats to her life were more of a concentrated blitz, a distant enemy that had been stuck in a slowly-closing circle with her. It's not the same as a Servant casually telling her that she would be an easy snack, or the threat of Kiyohime's mad, uncontrollable rage. Kadoc is at least a human being that can be reasoned with, who isn't as beholden to the stories that shape him as a heroic spirit would be.
But when he says that, she reaches out to snag the last little bit of the bread bowl, shrugging. ]
I could! I did, sometimes. That was in Chaldea, though, so I needed everything I could get.
[ She had to generate resources somehow, and eating was probably the best and easiest way for her to do that. But even then-- ]
...Or, I guess I did it sometimes when we were in competition season, back in school.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-06 03:40 am (UTC)[This is as close to good-natured teasing as Kadoc can manage as a person at this point, really. Back in school . . . she'd been an entirely normal person. She was just a normal high school girl who was on the softball team or something, competing alongside her friends, with no idea of what the world was hiding from her.
His thoughts are repeating themselves, he knows. Someday he'll get the fuck over it. That day isn't today. Today, his brain still has to remind him at every opportunity that this girl who'd saved the world was an absolutely ordinary nobody whose training had consisted of softball (maybe it was football?).]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-06 03:54 am (UTC)[ The effect doesn't carry over, in a world where things are surely being translated automatically, but to Ritsuka's own ears, she says ball or bust! in English. As it is, it probably comes across as a little more stilted in her accent than normal. ]
I wasn't the best on my team, but I worked hard with everyone. There's a lot that goes into it! You've gotta have endurance.
[ There it is, that use of English again. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-08 04:50 am (UTC)That's the most normal thing I've heard in what feels like forever. It really is exactly what I'd expect of you in that sense.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-09 02:32 am (UTC)[ She huffs at him, but there's no heat or offense to it. She's interacted with the mage half of Chaldea's staff to know where some gaps might exist. And to be honest, she can't really imagine a class of magus children doing a sports festival.
(To be more honest and accurate, her first thought at "a classroom full of magus children" just brings to mind rows and rows of copy-pasted miniature sour-faced Kadocs. Terrifying.) ]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-11 05:09 am (UTC)[This isn't a compliment, and nor is it an insult. It's an observation of reality. The reality feels twisted and complex, sure, but it still is what it is: she is both the most extraordinary human in the world, by virtue of everything that's happened, and painfully ordinary. One might not think those things can coexist in one person, but the evidence is right here.]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-11 05:50 am (UTC)[ He's not even the first person who's done something like this, and yet it still confuses Ritsuka every time. How is she supposed to be both "one of the most normal" and also "completely insane"? That makes no sense. Ritsuka crosses her arms, raising an eyebrow. ]
What's so insane about me, huh?
no subject
Date: 2021-10-12 11:09 pm (UTC)[It was really that reckless behavior that made the greatest impression on Kadoc of the kind of person Fujimaru is—well, that, and now the fact that she wants to be his friend. She wants to spend time with him; she's happy he's alive, despite it all.
Between that and her throwing herself onto the front lines, how can he not think she's crazy?]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-13 05:09 pm (UTC)[ At this point, there's only crumbs left on his plate, but she's still idly picking at the largest of them. It's not even that she's hungry anymore, not really, but it's at least something to look at, now and then, that isn't his face. ]
The first fight, in Fuyuki, I thought I was going to die at any second. I've never really stopped feeling like that. Wouldn't it be crazier to not feel scared?
[ It's easier, to some degree, when Mash is around. At this point, Ritsuka knows exactly how much that shield can protect her from. But as hard as Mash tries, and as hard as Ritsuka tries, there are always circumstances where they're separated--now aside, it's happened plenty of times even back home. She trusts that shield more than anything, but she also doesn't expect its wielder to always be keeping a hawk's eye on her in the middle of a melee battle. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-18 04:28 am (UTC)[As reckless as she is, she is still so very human. If she weren't at all afraid of the situations she throws herself into, it'd be hard to think of her as such. It doesn't at all match the core of what she is. Fujimaru isn't some kind of invincible hero riding into battle without fear. She's just someone who rides into battle anyway.
Kadoc has to respect it. He watches her, too, picking at the plate. No coffee left in his cup to stare at.]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-18 04:50 pm (UTC)[ As far as digs go, it's not much of one. There's a brief smile as she says it, quickly gone again. ]
Everything in our lives are just--they are what they are. We can't change them, so we have to adapt and do our best. I don't think it's crazy to do that, either. No matter what that leader of yours thinks, or what that alien god wants, I think it's crazier to want to go backwards. Why go back to the Age of the Gods?
no subject
Date: 2021-10-19 05:15 am (UTC)You'd have to ask someone else. I never had any interest in all that myself. But I'm sure you've realized by now that just because we were all on the same side doesn't mean we all had the same goals. It'd be harder if we did.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-20 12:56 am (UTC)[ Another joke, dry as it is, and Ritsuka finally leans back in her seat. ]
But that's the thing too. It could've been harder, but it's not, and I'm going to do my best to take advantage of that. And I'm sure the rest of the Crypters aren't going to go easy on me.
But even if they don't, I'm not going to give up. I'll succeed or die trying.