When you put it that way, it'd be pretty fucking stupid of me to get myself kicked out of a dollar store for this dumb quest and then just give up on finishing it 'cuz I can't deal with seeing a dildo or something.
[Even though that's not the issue! Maybe it's a little the issue. Kadoc can't pretend he'd feel nothing in the way of embarrassment if he were going in alone. But he'd be able to get over it more easily, he thinks, than he can going in with her. Oh boy.]
Yeah. You're right. We don't have to browse or anything.
[He does not yet linger on the thought of why Ritsuka knows this. It's waiting in the wings. It's going to spring into his head and consume his thoughts soon enough. But first, as he nods them along in the direction his map is pointing, at a quick clip so they can get there within the time limit . . .
He's quiet, for a bit. Mulling something over helplessly. Unable to escape the question, and biting it back, refusing to speak it into existence, until finally he just can't anymore:]
. . . You think they have . . . like, Excalibur? Again? Except it's . . . ?
[ She trips over absolutely nothing at all, stumbling some awkward flailing steps before she regains her balance, blinking furiously. Oh god? Oh god. ]
They probably totally do. Oh my god.
[ She doesn't want to think about it! Never mind the tired bearded stranger that sometimes shows up on the network to talk; Arturia is in this Camelot, too. Someday, she'll have to go home to the one(s) that she knows, with the cursed knowledge that someone here has surely made an Excalibur-shaped dildo. ]
[He drops his voice to match hers, even though he's not sure why, and it's a stage whisper at best. It's trembling with the force of having to hold back his shocked laughter. Why! Why is it a vibrator specifically?! Kadoc isn't sure if this is Ritsuka's Insider Excalibur Knowledge or her Insider Vibrator Knowledge talking.
Ohhhhh, there it is. There's the moment he starts thinking about her owning a vibrator. Yep. It was destined from the beginning. God, he's so red, all the way down his neck.]
Have you seen what Excalibur can do?! If you're gonna make it a sex toy, it's definitely going to be a vibrator!!
[ She hisses at him, still low, though when she sees him blushing, it occurs to her that it was probably... probably too much information? His blushing triggers the same response in her, and she would call it sympathy embarrassment, but she knows better. It's just the realization catching up to her. Ahhhhhhhhh?! ]
[He has no idea what to say in response to that. She's not wrong, but come on. Come on! He just gapes at her as they walk, which is threatening to break into a run any time now, ostensibly so they can get there faster but realistically so that he can try to outrun his embarrassment. The faster he goes, the more he's breathing hard to keep up and has an excuse not to talk. Ha! Perfect.
But he can't help himself, after a minute. He's cursed. This conversation has cursed him.]
[It's the first person he thinks of, being a Knight of the Round and also a woman, and he has much more experience with her than he does anyone else who fits that description.]
Oh. Shit, yeah, I knew that, just slipped my mind . . . there's no way she's really listening, right? Isn't she not even your Servant? It's not like you have a mental connection with her?
[And yet, in this moment, it feels like both of them could spontaneously open one with her out of the sheer force of black comedy.]
[ But frankly, she's also concerned about this possibility. What if they turn a corner and she's right there?! That would be--well, honestly, that would be hilarious, but only in the aftermath. Right now, it would be horrifying. ]
[HE JUMPED RIGHT AHEAD TO THAT. His mind is off the rails and going here and there without his input at this point. But he has a point, doesn't he? Saber or otherwise, what if someone they know sees them go in together?!]
Are we? Are we being normal? I don't feel it, do you?
[ What even counts as normal, in a situation like this? Her steps slow as they approach the shop, and she has to look upon it and faintly despair. Oh no. Oh no, there's no way to be discreet about going into a place like this, is there... ]
I said it in the future tense for a reason. We're gonna be normal about this starting . . . now.
[Now. Right now is the moment they're normal! Kadoc looks up at the shop. It looks huge. Intimidating. This baby can fit so many sex toys in it, and they're about to step into that world, and it's cool. Because they're normal. They can be chill about it.
[ She takes a deep, considering breath, and then--shakes her head, her shoulders slumping. For now, she's mostly keeping her eyes on the floor, though she does keep glancing up and around in quick flashes before staring at their feet again. ]
Shit. Okay. Then we're gonna have to be abnormal about this.
Wanna be invisible?
[It only just now occurred to him that he could do this. And it's probably not a great idea! It's suspicious as hell! Who goes into a store invisible? Shoplifters, that's who. They probably have alarms or something that alert security to invisible shoppers, because in this world, who wouldn't try it if they had Light magic and criminal inclinations?
[ She spends entirely too long weighing this. The fact that there are probably safeguards to prevent invisible shoplifting crimes, and if they do it, they're going to be flagged as suspicious, and get kicked out... getting kicked out of a sex shop is probably more embarrassing than getting kicked out of a dollar store? Probably?! But also--but then--but--
She clears her throat, inching closer to him. ]
Maybe not... invisible, but could you just make it so like. No one looks at us?
That'd be Cognitive magic, I'm pretty sure. Wait, isn't that you? Can't you do something like that? Just brainwash everyone or whatever.
[Their time is running out. The clock is counting down, but he has to snipe at her over this first. He simply has no choice. Ritsuka, learn brainwashing already! What kind of mage are you! (He knows the answer to that.)
But even bickering, when she shifts close, he finds himself shifting closer, and he tells himself it's just so he can throw up an invisibility cloak at a moment's notice.]
It's not like I'm good at it! I usually just... ask people and they'll do things without any effort, because they're nice. "Please" and "thank you" work just as well!
[ She ducks closer to him automatically when she senses him moving, her voice a low hiss. They probably don't need to stand this closely together, but here they are. ]
Look, let's just--do a quick look around and make no eye contact, and we should be fine.
If people start staring, you brainwash them and I'll blind them with a flash of light. That's teamwork.
[But okay. Okay! They've got this! They're just . . . going to walk in super casually, standing very close together and looking completely bewildered and skittish, and that's definitely going to work out for them just fine, no questions asked.
Ritsuka does not actually latch onto Kadoc's arm, though she considers it. It would probably help with the illusion, right? Like they're some nervous couple venturing into a sex shop for the first time--
No, wait, wait, back up! Not a couple! Not a couple!!
But she does stick close, looking around and doing her best to avoid making any eye contact. That doesn't stop an employee from zeroing in on them, but look. They're trying. ]
It's too late. They're a young pair walking into a sex shop standing very close together and looking nervous, and the employee circles subtly once before approaching them. She's at least very, very gentle and soothing about this. She probably deals with it at least once a day.
"Welcome in. Is it your first time? Don't worry. I help nervous couples like you all the time."
She's all smiles about it.
Couples like them?!
Kadoc makes an indescribable choked sound, straightening up and looking helplessly over at Ritsuka.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fujimaru
no subject
Date: 2022-06-20 05:37 am (UTC)[Even though that's not the issue! Maybe it's a little the issue. Kadoc can't pretend he'd feel nothing in the way of embarrassment if he were going in alone. But he'd be able to get over it more easily, he thinks, than he can going in with her. Oh boy.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-20 05:42 am (UTC)[ Please don't ask her how she knows this. Please don't read too much into it. ]
We can just duck in, ask a clerk, and run out again. Simple.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-20 06:07 am (UTC)[He does not yet linger on the thought of why Ritsuka knows this. It's waiting in the wings. It's going to spring into his head and consume his thoughts soon enough. But first, as he nods them along in the direction his map is pointing, at a quick clip so they can get there within the time limit . . .
He's quiet, for a bit. Mulling something over helplessly. Unable to escape the question, and biting it back, refusing to speak it into existence, until finally he just can't anymore:]
. . . You think they have . . . like, Excalibur? Again? Except it's . . . ?
no subject
Date: 2022-06-20 06:13 am (UTC)They probably totally do. Oh my god.
[ She doesn't want to think about it! Never mind the tired bearded stranger that sometimes shows up on the network to talk; Arturia is in this Camelot, too. Someday, she'll have to go home to the one(s) that she knows, with the cursed knowledge that someone here has surely made an Excalibur-shaped dildo. ]
...
I bet it's a vibrator.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 12:02 am (UTC)[He drops his voice to match hers, even though he's not sure why, and it's a stage whisper at best. It's trembling with the force of having to hold back his shocked laughter. Why! Why is it a vibrator specifically?! Kadoc isn't sure if this is Ritsuka's Insider Excalibur Knowledge or her Insider Vibrator Knowledge talking.
Ohhhhh, there it is. There's the moment he starts thinking about her owning a vibrator. Yep. It was destined from the beginning. God, he's so red, all the way down his neck.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 12:07 am (UTC)[ She hisses at him, still low, though when she sees him blushing, it occurs to her that it was probably... probably too much information? His blushing triggers the same response in her, and she would call it sympathy embarrassment, but she knows better. It's just the realization catching up to her. Ahhhhhhhhh?! ]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 01:35 am (UTC)But he can't help himself, after a minute. He's cursed. This conversation has cursed him.]
. . .
Maybe it's a strap-on.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 01:38 am (UTC)Kadoc, never say that kind of thing ever again--what if she heard us?!
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 03:54 am (UTC)[It's the first person he thinks of, being a Knight of the Round and also a woman, and he has much more experience with her than he does anyone else who fits that description.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 03:58 am (UTC)[ Oh god. Oh god?! Wow this is maybe the first time she's been happy that Gawain is no longer here!! ]
But you realize that Arturia herself is here too, right?! That's her sword we're talking about.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 03:37 am (UTC)[And yet, in this moment, it feels like both of them could spontaneously open one with her out of the sheer force of black comedy.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 03:53 am (UTC)[ But frankly, she's also concerned about this possibility. What if they turn a corner and she's right there?! That would be--well, honestly, that would be hilarious, but only in the aftermath. Right now, it would be horrifying. ]
Let's just--if we do see her, pretend we don't...
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 05:03 am (UTC)[HE JUMPED RIGHT AHEAD TO THAT. His mind is off the rails and going here and there without his input at this point. But he has a point, doesn't he? Saber or otherwise, what if someone they know sees them go in together?!]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 05:08 am (UTC)[ Why is that where your mind went, Kadoc?! She stares at him, aghast, still bright red. ]
I just meant, if, if we run into her or something along the way, or if she's nearby, or--whatever! Just like that! Not in the shop!
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 05:53 am (UTC)[They're coming up on the shop, and he does not feel normal about it. It looks like a gaudy palace on the outside, oh no. Oh dear.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 06:01 am (UTC)[ What even counts as normal, in a situation like this? Her steps slow as they approach the shop, and she has to look upon it and faintly despair. Oh no. Oh no, there's no way to be discreet about going into a place like this, is there... ]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-30 04:01 am (UTC)[Now. Right now is the moment they're normal! Kadoc looks up at the shop. It looks huge. Intimidating. This baby can fit so many sex toys in it, and they're about to step into that world, and it's cool. Because they're normal. They can be chill about it.
He looks over at Ritsuka, helplessly.]
You feeling it yet?
no subject
Date: 2022-06-30 04:17 am (UTC)No. Not at all.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-30 05:20 am (UTC)Wanna be invisible?
[It only just now occurred to him that he could do this. And it's probably not a great idea! It's suspicious as hell! Who goes into a store invisible? Shoplifters, that's who. They probably have alarms or something that alert security to invisible shoppers, because in this world, who wouldn't try it if they had Light magic and criminal inclinations?
But, you know. They could.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-30 05:23 am (UTC)She clears her throat, inching closer to him. ]
Maybe not... invisible, but could you just make it so like. No one looks at us?
I LOST THIS
Date: 2022-07-06 04:56 am (UTC)[Their time is running out. The clock is counting down, but he has to snipe at her over this first. He simply has no choice. Ritsuka, learn brainwashing already! What kind of mage are you! (He knows the answer to that.)
But even bickering, when she shifts close, he finds himself shifting closer, and he tells himself it's just so he can throw up an invisibility cloak at a moment's notice.]
(´。＿。｀)
Date: 2022-07-06 05:02 am (UTC)[ She ducks closer to him automatically when she senses him moving, her voice a low hiss. They probably don't need to stand this closely together, but here they are. ]
Look, let's just--do a quick look around and make no eye contact, and we should be fine.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-06 05:51 am (UTC)[But okay. Okay! They've got this! They're just . . . going to walk in super casually, standing very close together and looking completely bewildered and skittish, and that's definitely going to work out for them just fine, no questions asked.
Here they go.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-06 06:02 am (UTC)[ Here they gooooooooooo!
Ritsuka does not actually latch onto Kadoc's arm, though she considers it. It would probably help with the illusion, right? Like they're some nervous couple venturing into a sex shop for the first time--
No, wait, wait, back up! Not a couple! Not a couple!!
But she does stick close, looking around and doing her best to avoid making any eye contact. That doesn't stop an employee from zeroing in on them, but look. They're trying. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-08 04:29 am (UTC)It's too late. They're a young pair walking into a sex shop standing very close together and looking nervous, and the employee circles subtly once before approaching them. She's at least very, very gentle and soothing about this. She probably deals with it at least once a day.
"Welcome in. Is it your first time? Don't worry. I help nervous couples like you all the time."
She's all smiles about it.
Couples like them?!
Kadoc makes an indescribable choked sound, straightening up and looking helplessly over at Ritsuka.]
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