[ through hell... there's a flicker of pained sadness that she has to go through that at all, but... he's not surprised. Of course he isn't. He understands it--every word she's saying resonates with him. ]
... I hope that it does. For you, especially... I hope it makes it worth it.
[ That, too, comes with a sense of deep wistfulness--a loss that she has only just barely begun to process, skirting around the edges of that loss. ]
He hid a lot from me. Not because of anything I did or anything, just... he was so afraid of something. I want to believe he would tell me it was worth it, but I can't know.
... I don't mean to bring up painful memories or anything...
[ he says that gently, a little bit of soft apologeticness bleeding through their connection. ]
I only ask because... you're the only one left who's keeping him alive, you know? You, and... whoever else still remembers him. So I think in that case, sometimes... you just have to guess on what he would say, and hope for the best.
[ But at the feeling of contriteness, she squeezes his hand again. It's all right. There's no real way to avoid this grief, and she doesn't want to forget Roman, either. ]
I think... he'd probably tell me it was. He was kind of a coward sometimes, but I think--I know that in the end, he did want to do the right thing.
[ That, too, is a complicated feeling, but not a bad one: a sort of tentative hope and a little confusion. There's only been two people she's ever felt like she could talk about Roman--and one has been dead at home for over a year, and the other... isn't here. ]
[ That startles her a little. Not even in a bad way, but clearly not something she expected; it's not as if she's spoken about Roman that much, or that often, in the years since the Grand Order. ]
[ She's quiet for a moment, then smiles wistfully. ]
I think he was maybe the first person I ever had a crush on? But even more than that--he was always kind of goofy, but he tried really hard. I didn't even know how much he put into helping me until he was gone.
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Date: 2022-10-11 09:31 pm (UTC)[ That's just said softly, almost gently, but his emotions have settled at a simple, peaceful contentedness. ]
If there's something to hope for and put faith in still, then... sometimes, that's enough.
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Date: 2022-10-11 10:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-11 11:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-12 01:01 am (UTC)It is. ...It can make living through years of hell worth it.
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Date: 2022-10-13 01:42 pm (UTC)... I hope that it does. For you, especially... I hope it makes it worth it.
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Date: 2022-10-14 04:25 am (UTC)[ But. She thinks of Roman, and the things she only learned after he was gone. ]
...there's one person I wish I could ask that. Was it worth it? [ Was I worth it? ] But I don't think I'll ever get that chance.
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Date: 2022-10-14 02:58 pm (UTC)[ that's... a tough one. The people they've lost and left behind along the way... it'd be nice to be able to speak with them again. ]
What do you think they would say? If you just had to take a guess.
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Date: 2022-10-15 02:24 am (UTC)[ That, too, comes with a sense of deep wistfulness--a loss that she has only just barely begun to process, skirting around the edges of that loss. ]
He hid a lot from me. Not because of anything I did or anything, just... he was so afraid of something. I want to believe he would tell me it was worth it, but I can't know.
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Date: 2022-10-15 01:55 pm (UTC)[ he says that gently, a little bit of soft apologeticness bleeding through their connection. ]
I only ask because... you're the only one left who's keeping him alive, you know? You, and... whoever else still remembers him. So I think in that case, sometimes... you just have to guess on what he would say, and hope for the best.
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Date: 2022-10-17 02:49 am (UTC)[ But at the feeling of contriteness, she squeezes his hand again. It's all right. There's no real way to avoid this grief, and she doesn't want to forget Roman, either. ]
I think... he'd probably tell me it was. He was kind of a coward sometimes, but I think--I know that in the end, he did want to do the right thing.
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Date: 2022-10-17 09:40 pm (UTC)Well... I think anyone you respect as much as you respect him would think it was worth it too. That's just how I feel.
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Date: 2022-10-18 03:43 pm (UTC)...Thanks, Minato-kun. I hope--I think you must be right.
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Date: 2022-10-18 09:58 pm (UTC)Those are just my impressions, that's all. It's nothing you need to thank me for.
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Date: 2022-10-19 02:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-22 02:41 am (UTC)[ he rubs the back of his neck a moment with his free hand, before he just shrugs, and flops back against the bed again. ]
I'd like to hear more about him sometime... I like it when you talk about him.
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Date: 2022-10-23 04:36 am (UTC)[ That, too, is a complicated feeling, but not a bad one: a sort of tentative hope and a little confusion. There's only been two people she's ever felt like she could talk about Roman--and one has been dead at home for over a year, and the other... isn't here. ]
I'd like to. Eventually.
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Date: 2022-10-26 01:10 am (UTC)I do. There's no rush, of course... I want you to take your time and only talk about him when you're comfortable.
It's just... you light up when you do, you know...? In a special sort of way.
[ In a way that shows just how special he was, in so many ways. ]
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Date: 2022-10-26 04:45 pm (UTC)[ That startles her a little. Not even in a bad way, but clearly not something she expected; it's not as if she's spoken about Roman that much, or that often, in the years since the Grand Order. ]
...huh. I had no idea.
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Date: 2022-10-27 12:59 am (UTC)[ A tiny smile, and Minato shrugs a bit. ]
I think it's just... because you really cared about him, right? That shines through.
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Date: 2022-10-29 05:18 pm (UTC)[ She's quiet for a moment, then smiles wistfully. ]
I think he was maybe the first person I ever had a crush on? But even more than that--he was always kind of goofy, but he tried really hard. I didn't even know how much he put into helping me until he was gone.
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Date: 2022-10-29 07:37 pm (UTC)... That makes sense to me. He was your Sun, after all... right?
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Date: 2022-11-01 08:13 pm (UTC)[ She takes a deep breath, holding it for a few beats and then letting it out slowly. ]
In spite of everything, I admired him a lot.
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Date: 2022-11-04 02:30 pm (UTC)[ he doesn't think that's so strange. ]
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Date: 2022-11-04 07:27 pm (UTC)But he was also kind of oblivious and bad at reading the mood. He got petty and distracted by little things.
But he also gave more than anyone else I know, to make sure I could succeed.
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Date: 2022-11-08 06:02 pm (UTC)[ that's just how it is, and it's endearing. That humanity... he thinks that's precious too. ]
I wish I could've met him too... but I'm glad I was able to see him through your memory. I'm lucky I could.
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