what even is this

[fujimaru]

Comment with a Servant* and I will write an IC Servant-shaming sign for them, as provided by Master. YOU CAN RESPOND OR NOT, but I'll do it.

* Servants do not have to actually be canon as long as we've threaded before/I'm familiar with the canon.

Comments

[fujimaru]

["I tried to bring home a zombie from a mob fight and tried to convince the staff it was a new friend.

I am very lucky that zombie infection doesn’t actually transfer via biting."]

[weiyingdown]

How rude! He didn't even bite anyone. It was more of a friendly nibble.

[fujimaru]

Do you know how popular zombies were in pop culture a few years ago? We're lucky the poor guy didn't die from a heart attack on the spot.

[weiyingdown]

It's exactly because they were so popular that it should've been fine! Most people would think that it's just someone really eccentric, not an actual zombie. It was a good plan.

[fujimaru]

No one's figured out yet how you even managed that! We can't just adopt everything that catches our eye! Fou will lose his mind in jealousy -- think about Fou too!

[weiyingdown]

I am thinking about Fou! Fou deserves a friend that won't jeopardize his position as the cutest, fluffiest mascot. A zombie is the perfect companion. Zombies don't need to eat, and they only give off a little bit of resentful energy. They're as low maintenance as you can get!

[fujimaru]

It tried to eat that one guy's brains! That part wasn't a lie! Fiction isn't always made up!!

[weiyingdown]

It was under control!

[he says it with such confidence that it might be believable]

No one's brains were actually eaten. Don't be such a party-pooper, Master.

[fujimaru]

You know I'd get in trouble if something happened to the staff, right?! Please! Have some mercy on your poor overworked Master!!

[weiyingdown]

Have a little more faith! Would I ever let someone be killed by a zombie? I'd lose all face if that happened. And surely they know better than to blame you for the actions of others. Otherwise you'd be blamed for everything that happens here. If you hadn't noticed, you have a lot of rowdy Servants.

[fujimaru]

Trust me.

I've noticed.

[weiyingdown]

Maybe you just naturally attract that kind of person.

[fujimaru]

"Maybe"... as if I have any control over the situation...

[weiyingdown]

[wagging a finger at her]

Take some responsibility for that magnetic personality of yours, Master!

[fujimaru]

Why is this about me?! I don't have anything magnetic at all!

[weiyingdown]

That oblivious nature of yours is cute, Master, but there's no need to be humble with me. You're the one who summoned all of the Servants here, troublesome or otherwise. You have a gift for attracting trouble in its many forms. Embrace it!

[fujimaru]

No. No, I refuse.

The moment I accept that maybe I attract trouble is the day everything goes really wrong, for absolute real.

[weiyingdown]

You already know that you attract trouble, you're just denying it for the sake of denying it.

[sage nod]

[fujimaru]

Because acknowledging it is like drawing more attention! Come on! You know how it is, don't you?!

[weiyingdown]

I don't know what you're talking about. I've never attracted unwanted attention in my life!

[fujimaru]

...

God and the Buddha both hate liars, Wei Wuxian.

[weiyingdown]

[PUTTING A HAND OVER HIS HEART]

I'm wounded! Would I ever lie to you? All of the attention I attract is attention I want.

[fujimaru]

...

[ She reaches up, slowly, to squish his face. ]

Uh-huh. Sure.

[weiyingdown]

[allows this unjustified face-squishing, but retaliates by reaching down to squish her cheeks in return]

This was all a clever ploy to get your attention. See, it's working.

[fujimaru]

Have you ever considered just... asking?

[ She says, without protesting the face squishing. This question is half rhetorical, anyway. ]