If nothing else, there's gotta be some kinda . . . Lover's Lane place, right? That'd probably have it. I mean . . . I think.
[Why is that the first thing he thought of . . . but come on, it's true! If there's no Halloween, who else wears things like this? Probably girls in sexy costumes, right? Like that strip club they went to for that other mission, which he is also never showing his face in again, thanks.
Kadoc's beginning to run out of establishments in this here city, Fujimaru!
Does. Does he start searching for sex shops? He hesitates, looking at her with open embarrassment at the thought. He can't just do it unless she agrees it makes sense!]
[ Understanding clicks when the question is half out of her mouth. Oh. Ohhhh. He's right... if there's no holiday solely dedicated to dressing up in costumes, then... well, dancers for clubs need to get their outfits from somewhere--
Her face goes slowly bright red, and she stares back at him for a few long seconds before she abruptly turns her head, coughing. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. ]
It's just the first thing I thought of! Shit, now I feel like I said something totally off the wall creepy!
[He has his phone clutched in his hand still, the timer beginning to count down. The next step is to actually try to look up . . . what, sex shops near me? Can he manage that with her standing right here looking that red?! This is already out of hand!]
It's fine! It's a good suggestion, it--c-come on, the timer's going! We've gotta find...
[ We've gotta find a sex shop--oh god, she can't just say that. Not in general, not in public, and not to him! She glances at him sidelong because she can't really look at him directly, then has to look away again. ]
...the right place. Should I check on my phone instead?
I'm not gonna make you put that in your search history when it was my dumbass idea.
[But he can do it. Fine! He goes to search for sex shop and it autofills with sex shop near me and that's just what they're doing now! He enters the search with a tap of his finger like he's clicking into a jumpscare video or something, holding the phone away from himself.]
[ On the other hand, she would know. That knowledge would be there in her, as a curse. She leans in closer in spite of herself, her head almost on his shoulder, as she peers. Oh boy. This is apparently happening. Good luck to them. ]
[He automatically leans away, as if they didn't literally just discuss what he's doing and why. It's a natural instinct. You can't just let a girl look at your phone when you're looking for sex shops!
But there's something called Castle Megastore not too far from them. What kind of name is that for a sex shop . . . a Camelot name, apparently. Kadoc relents, realizing that hiding this from her is idiotic, and leans back into her field of vision.]
[ When he leans away, she pulls back, mostly because she reads it as him wanting his space, which--fair enough. He's not exactly the most touchy-feely guy.
Oh boy though. It's here, it's real, and WHY is it called that? ]
We've made it this far. I'm not ready to give up, are you?
When you put it that way, it'd be pretty fucking stupid of me to get myself kicked out of a dollar store for this dumb quest and then just give up on finishing it 'cuz I can't deal with seeing a dildo or something.
[Even though that's not the issue! Maybe it's a little the issue. Kadoc can't pretend he'd feel nothing in the way of embarrassment if he were going in alone. But he'd be able to get over it more easily, he thinks, than he can going in with her. Oh boy.]
Yeah. You're right. We don't have to browse or anything.
[He does not yet linger on the thought of why Ritsuka knows this. It's waiting in the wings. It's going to spring into his head and consume his thoughts soon enough. But first, as he nods them along in the direction his map is pointing, at a quick clip so they can get there within the time limit . . .
He's quiet, for a bit. Mulling something over helplessly. Unable to escape the question, and biting it back, refusing to speak it into existence, until finally he just can't anymore:]
. . . You think they have . . . like, Excalibur? Again? Except it's . . . ?
[ She trips over absolutely nothing at all, stumbling some awkward flailing steps before she regains her balance, blinking furiously. Oh god? Oh god. ]
They probably totally do. Oh my god.
[ She doesn't want to think about it! Never mind the tired bearded stranger that sometimes shows up on the network to talk; Arturia is in this Camelot, too. Someday, she'll have to go home to the one(s) that she knows, with the cursed knowledge that someone here has surely made an Excalibur-shaped dildo. ]
[He drops his voice to match hers, even though he's not sure why, and it's a stage whisper at best. It's trembling with the force of having to hold back his shocked laughter. Why! Why is it a vibrator specifically?! Kadoc isn't sure if this is Ritsuka's Insider Excalibur Knowledge or her Insider Vibrator Knowledge talking.
Ohhhhh, there it is. There's the moment he starts thinking about her owning a vibrator. Yep. It was destined from the beginning. God, he's so red, all the way down his neck.]
Have you seen what Excalibur can do?! If you're gonna make it a sex toy, it's definitely going to be a vibrator!!
[ She hisses at him, still low, though when she sees him blushing, it occurs to her that it was probably... probably too much information? His blushing triggers the same response in her, and she would call it sympathy embarrassment, but she knows better. It's just the realization catching up to her. Ahhhhhhhhh?! ]
[He has no idea what to say in response to that. She's not wrong, but come on. Come on! He just gapes at her as they walk, which is threatening to break into a run any time now, ostensibly so they can get there faster but realistically so that he can try to outrun his embarrassment. The faster he goes, the more he's breathing hard to keep up and has an excuse not to talk. Ha! Perfect.
But he can't help himself, after a minute. He's cursed. This conversation has cursed him.]
[It's the first person he thinks of, being a Knight of the Round and also a woman, and he has much more experience with her than he does anyone else who fits that description.]
Oh. Shit, yeah, I knew that, just slipped my mind . . . there's no way she's really listening, right? Isn't she not even your Servant? It's not like you have a mental connection with her?
[And yet, in this moment, it feels like both of them could spontaneously open one with her out of the sheer force of black comedy.]
[ But frankly, she's also concerned about this possibility. What if they turn a corner and she's right there?! That would be--well, honestly, that would be hilarious, but only in the aftermath. Right now, it would be horrifying. ]
[HE JUMPED RIGHT AHEAD TO THAT. His mind is off the rails and going here and there without his input at this point. But he has a point, doesn't he? Saber or otherwise, what if someone they know sees them go in together?!]
Are we? Are we being normal? I don't feel it, do you?
[ What even counts as normal, in a situation like this? Her steps slow as they approach the shop, and she has to look upon it and faintly despair. Oh no. Oh no, there's no way to be discreet about going into a place like this, is there... ]
I said it in the future tense for a reason. We're gonna be normal about this starting . . . now.
[Now. Right now is the moment they're normal! Kadoc looks up at the shop. It looks huge. Intimidating. This baby can fit so many sex toys in it, and they're about to step into that world, and it's cool. Because they're normal. They can be chill about it.
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fujimaru
no subject
Date: 2022-06-11 05:47 am (UTC)[Why is that the first thing he thought of . . . but come on, it's true! If there's no Halloween, who else wears things like this? Probably girls in sexy costumes, right? Like that strip club they went to for that other mission, which he is also never showing his face in again, thanks.
Kadoc's beginning to run out of establishments in this here city, Fujimaru!
Does. Does he start searching for sex shops? He hesitates, looking at her with open embarrassment at the thought. He can't just do it unless she agrees it makes sense!]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-11 05:52 am (UTC)[ Understanding clicks when the question is half out of her mouth. Oh. Ohhhh. He's right... if there's no holiday solely dedicated to dressing up in costumes, then... well, dancers for clubs need to get their outfits from somewhere--
Her face goes slowly bright red, and she stares back at him for a few long seconds before she abruptly turns her head, coughing. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. ]
M-maybe?? It's, that's probably our best bet?!
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Date: 2022-06-12 05:54 am (UTC)[He has his phone clutched in his hand still, the timer beginning to count down. The next step is to actually try to look up . . . what, sex shops near me? Can he manage that with her standing right here looking that red?! This is already out of hand!]
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Date: 2022-06-12 06:06 am (UTC)[ We've gotta find a sex shop--oh god, she can't just say that. Not in general, not in public, and not to him! She glances at him sidelong because she can't really look at him directly, then has to look away again. ]
...the right place. Should I check on my phone instead?
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Date: 2022-06-15 03:45 am (UTC)[But he can do it. Fine! He goes to search for sex shop and it autofills with sex shop near me and that's just what they're doing now! He enters the search with a tap of his finger like he's clicking into a jumpscare video or something, holding the phone away from himself.]
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Date: 2022-06-15 04:01 am (UTC)[ On the other hand, she would know. That knowledge would be there in her, as a curse. She leans in closer in spite of herself, her head almost on his shoulder, as she peers. Oh boy. This is apparently happening. Good luck to them. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-18 03:28 am (UTC)But there's something called Castle Megastore not too far from them. What kind of name is that for a sex shop . . . a Camelot name, apparently. Kadoc relents, realizing that hiding this from her is idiotic, and leans back into her field of vision.]
It's not far. . . . We doing this?
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Date: 2022-06-18 03:34 am (UTC)Oh boy though. It's here, it's real, and WHY is it called that? ]
We've made it this far. I'm not ready to give up, are you?
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Date: 2022-06-20 05:37 am (UTC)[Even though that's not the issue! Maybe it's a little the issue. Kadoc can't pretend he'd feel nothing in the way of embarrassment if he were going in alone. But he'd be able to get over it more easily, he thinks, than he can going in with her. Oh boy.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-20 05:42 am (UTC)[ Please don't ask her how she knows this. Please don't read too much into it. ]
We can just duck in, ask a clerk, and run out again. Simple.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-20 06:07 am (UTC)[He does not yet linger on the thought of why Ritsuka knows this. It's waiting in the wings. It's going to spring into his head and consume his thoughts soon enough. But first, as he nods them along in the direction his map is pointing, at a quick clip so they can get there within the time limit . . .
He's quiet, for a bit. Mulling something over helplessly. Unable to escape the question, and biting it back, refusing to speak it into existence, until finally he just can't anymore:]
. . . You think they have . . . like, Excalibur? Again? Except it's . . . ?
no subject
Date: 2022-06-20 06:13 am (UTC)They probably totally do. Oh my god.
[ She doesn't want to think about it! Never mind the tired bearded stranger that sometimes shows up on the network to talk; Arturia is in this Camelot, too. Someday, she'll have to go home to the one(s) that she knows, with the cursed knowledge that someone here has surely made an Excalibur-shaped dildo. ]
...
I bet it's a vibrator.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 12:02 am (UTC)[He drops his voice to match hers, even though he's not sure why, and it's a stage whisper at best. It's trembling with the force of having to hold back his shocked laughter. Why! Why is it a vibrator specifically?! Kadoc isn't sure if this is Ritsuka's Insider Excalibur Knowledge or her Insider Vibrator Knowledge talking.
Ohhhhh, there it is. There's the moment he starts thinking about her owning a vibrator. Yep. It was destined from the beginning. God, he's so red, all the way down his neck.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 12:07 am (UTC)[ She hisses at him, still low, though when she sees him blushing, it occurs to her that it was probably... probably too much information? His blushing triggers the same response in her, and she would call it sympathy embarrassment, but she knows better. It's just the realization catching up to her. Ahhhhhhhhh?! ]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 01:35 am (UTC)But he can't help himself, after a minute. He's cursed. This conversation has cursed him.]
. . .
Maybe it's a strap-on.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 01:38 am (UTC)Kadoc, never say that kind of thing ever again--what if she heard us?!
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 03:54 am (UTC)[It's the first person he thinks of, being a Knight of the Round and also a woman, and he has much more experience with her than he does anyone else who fits that description.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 03:58 am (UTC)[ Oh god. Oh god?! Wow this is maybe the first time she's been happy that Gawain is no longer here!! ]
But you realize that Arturia herself is here too, right?! That's her sword we're talking about.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 03:37 am (UTC)[And yet, in this moment, it feels like both of them could spontaneously open one with her out of the sheer force of black comedy.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 03:53 am (UTC)[ But frankly, she's also concerned about this possibility. What if they turn a corner and she's right there?! That would be--well, honestly, that would be hilarious, but only in the aftermath. Right now, it would be horrifying. ]
Let's just--if we do see her, pretend we don't...
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 05:03 am (UTC)[HE JUMPED RIGHT AHEAD TO THAT. His mind is off the rails and going here and there without his input at this point. But he has a point, doesn't he? Saber or otherwise, what if someone they know sees them go in together?!]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 05:08 am (UTC)[ Why is that where your mind went, Kadoc?! She stares at him, aghast, still bright red. ]
I just meant, if, if we run into her or something along the way, or if she's nearby, or--whatever! Just like that! Not in the shop!
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 05:53 am (UTC)[They're coming up on the shop, and he does not feel normal about it. It looks like a gaudy palace on the outside, oh no. Oh dear.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 06:01 am (UTC)[ What even counts as normal, in a situation like this? Her steps slow as they approach the shop, and she has to look upon it and faintly despair. Oh no. Oh no, there's no way to be discreet about going into a place like this, is there... ]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-30 04:01 am (UTC)[Now. Right now is the moment they're normal! Kadoc looks up at the shop. It looks huge. Intimidating. This baby can fit so many sex toys in it, and they're about to step into that world, and it's cool. Because they're normal. They can be chill about it.
He looks over at Ritsuka, helplessly.]
You feeling it yet?
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