[He sits across from her, watching all that. What the hell had happened to her? Not that it's a shock, considering; he knows how she operates on the battlefield. He knows she's probably been through hell, however many Lostbelts she's been through, and not from a safe distance. She would have gone through that hell on the front lines and then been whisked away here without any time to recover. Hell, he himself had arrived here literally right after being stabbed, and had possibly only escaped similar consequences because that priest had done at least some healing up of the wound in order to wake him from his coma.
So he watches her like a hawk, but without surprise. It galls him a little, inside himself, that he can't quite turn off his concern even for her—but he's never been good at that. It's always hurt when he's had to force it, which has been frequently enough these days, before Camelot.]
I'm pretty sure this one pulls that kinda crap too. Photos showing up on his social media of places he was never actually seen at and all that. It's insane, having to actually think about things like stalking Merlin's insta.
[Finally, he has to bring it up again:]
You're seriously in pain. You haven't found a healer yet?
[ That gets a little smile out of her, fleeting and slightly wry, before she shrugs. ]
And, no. Not yet.
[ She says it simply, without complaint. For Ritsuka, it's just one of those things that she just accepts and tanks; like with food or sleep, it's mostly the people around her who keep an eye on things and notice before she really has time to start feeling it too hard. Some of those people are even in Camelot, but that's the trick to Ritsuka. If left to her own devices, for her own personal health, she just does her best without thinking to ask. This is how she lived, pre-Chaldea, small and unassuming and content to drift through things without trying to make much of an impression.
It actually worries her a little, to be backsliding into that, but at least she knows why. It helps to be healthy when you're trying to establish yourself, okay. ]
I mean, for one thing, I really don't have any money yet. I've been spending most of my days here sleeping, so far? That's not really great for things like... you know, going out, finding some way to earn a living, whatever.
[ Or eating. Thank goodness for Kipposhi offering to spot her. ]
Pretty shortly before you got here, some grade school kid asked the network if someone would give them a knife for free because theirs was so busted up. . . . What I'm saying is that you could be a lot more shameless than throwing up a post asking someone to take a look at you and explaining you just got here and you're broke.
[It's so easy to say this kind of thing when he's on the outside of the situation. It's logic, and he follows it in a completely straightforward way. There is help out there for Ritsuka, and it's not hard to obtain, and there's no reason she shouldn't make an effort to obtain it. Easy.
. . . Would he do the same thing himself? That's another question. And not relevant here! Ha! Kadoc can be a hypocrite all he wants; he can understand why Fujimaru wouldn't jump to "I should just ask my brand new neighbors if anyone can heal me for free" on a personal level and still needle her about how it's exactly what she should do. Because it is, if she's feeling this rough.
He perches on the edge of his seat, ready to rise again; one of them has to go actually order. And it's going to be him, even if she complains about it, which he hopes she's not dumb enough to do. He can only handle so much promotion of self-care in one day.]
Tell me what you want when you decide, by the way. I'll go put in for it.
[There are little menus on the table, but it's the type of place you go up to the counter at when you're ready.]
[ That's really the most she can say to that. "Huh." Most of the people she's met here have been kind, but there's that, and then there's just taking advantage of someone's generosity.
It's not even that she can't see the point in what he's saying. He knows the pulse of the society here; if he does, in fact, read every post that goes up on the network (that seems like so much work? Kadoc, you really are a workaholic, aren't you...), then he's probably the best resource she has for getting to know what the (social) lay of the land is. If he says people are prone to generosity, then she can believe that.
But that acknowledged... there's still a kind of disconnect going on in her head. Of course it's nice that people are that generous! It's nice that this Camelot has a friendly and helpful (ish? enough) society! But applying it to herself just doesn't click.
Kadoc probably knows that about her. Ritsuka shrugs a little, as if she'd said anything more, and reaches for the menu herself. ]
Maybe the soup of the day... and a sandwich? I feel like I'd want a ham sandwich.
[What a reaction. Kadoc lets out a huff of breath, equal parts amused and annoyed, which is honestly more amused than he might have expected in reaction to Fujimaru. He's primed to pick on her, to notice every little quirk and flaw and amplify it in his head, and he knows that. He's a self-aware man. And along with being equal parts amused and annoyed, he's also equal parts exasperated with himself for being an asshole, and tempted to childishly cling to his pettiness, because it feels good. Like all pettiness, it feels awesome and shitty at the same time.
That's a lot of mixed feelings to go through just for someone asking for a ham sandwich. Get over it, Zemlupus.
He offered, and he's going to get it for her. With a nod, he pushes back from the table.]
I'll be back. In the meantime, skim the network. That's your homework. Not just to look for that specific post, but to get a feel for the way people operate here. Saying this makes me feel like some kinda motivational employee Powerpoint or some crap, but: we're all in this together. Everyone knows that. And people help each other out with less serious issues than yours, just because they know it.
I'm a little surprised you even know what Powerpoint is...
[ He knows why. She's spent enough time going between the two halves of Chaldea's staff--mages and non-mages alike, and while most of the former could rattle off all sorts of complicated equations that went right over her head... she still remembers the first time she had to show someone how to close out of a program by hitting the X in the upper right corner. Technology and mages only uneasily coexist at the best of times, he surely knows that.
But she's usually good at doing what she's told, so whenever he returns, she's on her phone, her chin on one hand and the thumb of the other idly scrolling.
Without looking up, she says: ]
I dunno, I still don't think I'd wanna just throw it out there, "hey, I'm recovering from a really specific rare thing, who wants to experiment with me and find out if they can help"? I can't put out like that on a first date.
[The trip up to the counter and brief wait for the food gives him a little time to clear his head, so he's feeling relatively settled by the time he reappears with a tray: two soups, one with a sandwich and one in a bread bowl, and two coffees with accompaniments. Kadoc sets that down and is moving to sit again when Fujimaru comes out with that crack, which gets a little scoff out of him that isn't quite a laugh, but is at least related to a laugh, distantly. A third cousin. He refuses to smile at her crude joke!]
It's your loss. But I'll point out I've got no idea what this "really specific rare thing" is. I didn't think it was gonna be anything so beyond the pale that you couldn't even explain it to a healer. I'm pretty sure the healers don't need to know the exact mechanism behind anything they heal, or else it'd be a useless skill for a layman.
...Between Da Vinci and Holmes, the only solution we had was going to the Chinese Lostbelt.
[ That can give him at least some idea of where they are right now, with Chaldea, though that has some obvious gaps. The Scandinavian Lostbelt had been just as hard as the other two, but--in the end, the grief for that feels more like something that belongs to Mash, not her. She hasn't asked too much about the relationship between Mash and Ophelia--maybe someday, but not yet. ]
It's not like we were operating with full resources, but if those two couldn't synthesize it, I'm not sure I'd trust a random healer, you know? It's not like my life is in danger anymore. I'm just recovering.
[ He probably doesn't know about the poison immunity she has--had--from Mash. Did he get anything like that from Anastasia? Hell, it's worth asking. ]
...When you were--working in your Lostbelt, did you get any kind of... I dunno. Bonus stats? Something that worked in your personal safety's favor?
[Kadoc rests his chin on his hand, elbow on the table, grabbing his spoon in his free hand—but he listens to this rather than start to eat. Geez. Fujimaru is just the worst about leaving gaps in what she comes out with; he's getting that about her by now, as he slowly learns what kind of person she actually is to talk to. Synthesize it? Synthesize what? She just left that part out. But he can tell she must mean a cure, though he can't be sure whether it was an antidote, a medication, or something else. And he definitely can't tell how it relates to whatever she's getting at with the last question.]
I'm gonna make you go back to that to explain it like a normal person in just a minute. But before that, what kinda thing do you have in mind here? You've obviously got something you're basing that question on. You mean something from the Alien God? From Animusphere? Or something else?
[ She says it as clinically as possible. There's no way for her to know how fresh that is, for him; no matter what he might say or do, she'd been there. She'd watched the Lostbelt Anastasia fade in his arms, and the immediate fallout from that. In spite of all the awkward things between them, she doesn't actually want to pour salt in the wound, no matter how close to healed it is. ]
Like... because of my bond with Mash, I was usually immune to poison. Or, at least, I could function pretty well until it got cleared out of my system properly.
[ That's another clue right there, isn't it? She isn't aware of the gaps she's leaving--for her, these are just The Things That Have Happened, and it's hard to remember where more context is needed. But he knows more than most, and he can surely put more of the pieces together. ]
[That is definitely another clue. He has to pick up these puzzle pieces, but he can, as she scatters them about, and slot them into the complete picture. Kadoc watches her from across the table, grabbing his coffee now with his free hand, eyeing her keenly through his bangs.]
So you're recovering from poison. Kyrielight isn't here, so the last of it hit you harder than you're used to. But you're not actively poisoned anymore, just working it out of your system. Am I on the right track?
[He hadn't answered her question, and he knows it. Part of him wonders if she even really wants to know, or if it'd just been a way of getting to the point. But after a beat, he shrugs; maybe she really was curious.]
. . . And yeah. I could handle the cold in Russia better than I would've been able to without my contract. It wasn't the difference between life or death, but it was there.
[ That would be the most useful thing for him, wouldn't it? Just like being shielded (ha!) from status effects was useful for her. She tears off a piece of her sandwich, nibbling on that as she considers. ]
And, yeah. Koyanskaya had one in, and she shot her shot. Didn't really work, as you can see, but... yeah. It wasn't something that Da Vinci could fix on her own, even with Holmes helping her, which meant we had to go for the raw ingredients.
So--if a universal genius and the world's greatest detective couldn't do anything... I dunno, call me superstitious, but I don't know how much anyone here would be able to help me on that.
[He nods minutely to himself as he sips his coffee. There's an aspect of this that's an intellectual exercise too; in a way, that's easier to focus on than actually worrying about Fujimaru. They're tied up together, but one side of it doesn't come with complicated feelings, and it's the side where he gets to think about magic.
Besides, she should actually get this information eventually.]
I get where you're coming from. But take my advice and forget everything you think you know about magecraft from home. . . . For you, that shouldn't be much of a challenge. I'm just saying that nothing about this world's system works the same way. We can't draw correlations between how difficult something is in our world and how difficult it might be here. I've been trying, and they don't exist.
. . . But even with that aside, what I'm suggesting isn't an antidote for the poison. You've already got that, I gather. I take it you managed to take down Akuta in the process. I'm suggesting treating the symptoms, since they're nothing but holdovers from a status you've already cured.
[ She shrugs. It's not even her belief in the magic system where they came from versus this place, it's more--maybe there's a part of her that doesn't want to believe that people could do something Da Vinci couldn't. Especially with how tenuous her existence is right now. ]
I'll think about it, at least. And I'm already feeling better, so it might not even be necessary. --The food is definitely helping, though.
[ Another piece of her sandwich gets carefully torn off and nibbled on. ]
Hinako is... uh. I think this is the kind of thing that I shouldn't actually tell you about? But if you're going to come back to Chaldea someday, then...
[Mmmmmm, all right. Good enough. Kadoc can tell something's going on there; he can't guess at what it is, but it at least seems more complicated than just her being weird about getting help anymore, and he's not going to pry any deeper than that. It's her decision in the end. It was weird of him to even push it this far! Like he gives a shit!
. . . But, eugh, Koyanskaya. He'd let that little tidbit of information roll off him initially, but now it's stuck in his mental shoe. Whatever he may feel about Fujimaru, he is not terribly conflicted about feeling relief that she didn't die thanks to Koyansyaka of all people poisoning her to death. Koyanskaya failing at anything, especially something Kadoc had also failed at, brings a little smile to his heart. Thank fuck she hadn't gotten away with it!
That's an aside. He doesn't say anything about it, at least not yet. Instead he sets his coffee aside with a frown and grabs his spoon again without eating.]
Is that what you think's gonna happen? There's a lot standing in the way of that right now. Our situation here is only the tip of the iceberg.
[ That is one of Ritsuka's secrets to success: that she does believe, wholeheartedly, in living through her trials and coming through them. Maybe it's stupidity, or maybe it's to spite people who believe otherwise... but even when she understands and respects the stakes, she commits to success as hard as she can.
In the end, that was part of why he'd come so close to breaking her--and why Paxti's words had snapped her out of it, in the end. ]
Like what's going on at home is that simple? Maybe it wasn't like, dozens of different universes or whatever, but it's not like Chaldea's mission was simple even at the beginning.
It's because of the combined complication of here and our world that it's hard for me to even imagine the road from A to B. I'm not saying this to put you off. I'm just thinking about it realistically.
[Another sip of coffee. Does he want to put her off? Well . . . no. He's committed to surviving this too, even if he doesn't have Fujimaru's faith that things will work out that way. All he has is his will that he'll make it so for as long as he possibly can. But Kadoc knows well that he's only alive because he's been allowed that luxury—not just once, but at least three times over, at this point. And more will have to come if he's going to make it through this.
Knowing that, defecting to Chaldea is the most realistically safe option for him, but that doesn't make it an easy plan to execute.]
Not only do we have to see this calamity through to success—and I dunno how good the odds are of that—even if that happens as planned, it's not like I can just get out from under the thumb of the Crypters. They have good reason to want me alive, and it's not because we're comrades.
[ Given what she's seen that priest do, the fact that he didn't kill Kadoc is significant, somehow. She knows that. It's just that she's neither deductive enough, nor has enough of the information, to actually make a good guess at the reason. Surely if they'd just wanted to keep him from telling any secrets, it would have been better to kill him, therefore--
But then she fixes him with a mildly quizzical look, head cocked, brows furrowed. It's honestly more confused than anything. ]
But you know what, it's kind of funny to hear you telling me that you don't know how good the odds are for beating this. It's not like Chaldea ever had great chances for success, did it?
[Because it's hard to think of them as the same entity. Kadoc runs into this over and over again in his head: Chaldea Before and Chaldea After, two different things entirely. Even notwithstanding the Lostbelt situation, or this Novum Chaldea she's mentioned that he wants to know about . . . the aspects of the facility that had remained constant before and after Lev Lainur's sabotage were very few. Dr. Roman, Da Vinci, the handful of other surviving staff. Mash Kyrielight, but her role and nature had changed so drastically from everything that had been planned to that point. Fujimaru herself had not been a presence in Chaldea Before in any sense of the word.
There had been a group of people with a culture, relationships, an understanding of how things were meant to go if they went according to plan. And all of that had been replaced very quickly when everything had happened all at once that day.
Kadoc doesn't even say it with any bitterness. Bitterness isn't precisely what he feels about it. It's a tangle of things he hasn't managed to unravel in himself yet, including a strong rope of grief he's just never dealt with. And he doesn't explain what he means, either, wondering if she'll know. Maybe she thinks of it the same way. But maybe she doesn't. He wonders, so he watches her levelly, hand curled around his cup, just waiting to see.]
[ She might not know exactly what he means, but she thinks she understands, at least to a degree. During that first year, no one really talked about what Chaldea had once been, except maybe a passing comment about missing some specific restaurant, or perhaps mourning the scarcity of resources. If people talked about the other Master candidates, including Team A, they did so outside of Ritsuka's hearing.
And even now... even now, Mash only brings up her former teammates on practically a need-to-know basis. The awkwardness between her and Ophelia hadn't solely been because of Ophelia's own emotional stunting. Ritsuka can only guess what sort of gulf exists between the Mash that she knows, and the one that had been given to Team A like an extra piece of equipment.
But in answer to his question, she shrugs. ]
Both, I guess. You guys had all of the resources and help and everything, but--no one even knew what was supposed to be the event that kicked everything off, right? Even with all of the technology and magecraft and whatever stuff that the Director and her family poured into it... no one knew. I don't know why anyone thought you guys could deal with an enemy before it became a problem, if they couldn't even tell you what it was.
[ It's all half-formed conjecture for her, things that she has thought about, on dark nights during the first year of the Grand Order, before the "Solomon" had revealed himself. How was anyone supposed to take out an enemy whose identity and location remained unknown? Especially someone powerful enough to gather seven Holy Grails to scatter them across the span of human history--never mind someone who had been powerful enough to do what he'd done in the first place. Maybe Kadoc's right, that Team A could have handled things with less casualties, but at the same time... had their odds ever really been over 50-50? ]
[Kadoc listens to this, sipping his coffee, and idly reaches down inside himself for the dregs of anger at hearing her say something like that. . . . But they aren't there. Fujimaru isn't right, but neither is she wrong. How could she know? No one had. The rest of mage society had looked down upon Chaldea very openly for that very reason, and Kadoc had never been able to muster offense at that, either. If anything, it had made the whole affair feel more like a secret club. A dark horse team that knew they were going to rise above and win, and the members knowing that had always been what mattered.
If anything, thinking about this now, he feels more akin to Ritsuka than he ever has before. They have many similarities—but this is the one he feels deep.]
I never doubted us. And I doubt myself all the damn time, as you well know. But when it came to Chaldea and Team A dealing with what we knew was coming, I believed, because I knew there wasn't another option. At the time, it was us or nothing. The Plan B that ended up being you and Kyrielight was no plan at all—nothing we could rely on. It wasn't even a twinkle in the Director's eye. No . . . we had to win, and I knew we would. And I know you feel the same way. Even now, you know you can take down Wodime and the others, even though you can't imagine what's in store for you. Why? Because you know you have to. Everything rides on it.
When that's the situation, even when you're someone who obsesses over failure the way I do, you push through it.
[ She says it simply, because there's no need to argue it. She doesn't have to guess that he understands; no one talks like that without knowing the exact way she felt--and still feels, even here in this place. ]
Maybe I'll wind up being wrong. I don't know that yet. But right now, what I know is that I have to do whatever I can to make it through.
[ There's a longer pause, a thoughtful one, as she fiddles with the remains of her sandwich, eaten slowly as he spoke. Part of her wants to tell him about what it was like, at the very end, alone at the Temple of Time and staring Beast I down. She wants to tell someone about that time.
I want to live, she'd screamed into the unyielding dark. And somehow, despite all the odds, she still is. ]
So that's why I think that, whatever is happening here, it'll be solved. We'll all make it through, and after that... I still have our own history to save.
[He works on his soup while she talks. . . . Why is it that he doesn't feel the same way about what's going on here as he did back then? Kadoc's got to admit that the parallel is obvious. He'd basically described their exact current situation. But this time, that certainty isn't there. Is it him, or Camelot?
Of course he hadn't felt it in Russia either, even though that had been another do or die situation. The difference had been as stark as the Russian Ice Age wasteland he'd been given to nurture. Thinking about it, he'd always chalked that lack of hope up simply to The Wodime Issue: no matter what he managed to pull off in his Lostbelt, it always would have come down to a showdown between himself and Wodime, and Kadoc had barely even entertained the dream that that might swing in his favor. He knew better. As Team A, he and Wodime had been on the same side, and that had surely also factored into Kadoc's confidence in the eventual success of Chaldea's mission.
And now he isn't here. He's a non-entity, frozen in time outside of this place, doomed to be devoured by the Calamity if they don't succeed here.
God, does it suck to think that Wodime's mere presence here or there or over there has that kind of influence over Kadoc's mission confidence. He frowns down into his soup, which he's now just kinda looking at as he thinks. It isn't the only factor in his feelings, but it's a more major one than he likes to admit. Just sitting here zoning out thinking about the guy like a huge loser with a chip on his shoulder!
He grumbles and sets his spoon down, leaning on his elbow now.]
. . . It's just not that easy to feel like we have any control over this situation the way we did back in our world. For better or for worse, the pressure was more squarely on our shoulders back there. For me, that's for the better. I can't deal with lax expectations when the stakes are high.
[That does not involve Wodime at all. But it's all also true, and more of what Kadoc is willing to admit to as a factor in why he never feels like he's actually getting anywhere in Camelot.]
[ She cocks her head, quizzical as she looks at him. ]
I think that was more the case for you guys. You said it yourself, right? You guys were meant to take care of everything, and the rest of us were just for a quota. I probably wouldn't have ever even had a Servant, never mind anything else. It was all riding on you directly.
But with me... it wasn't like that. I might have been the only Master, but I had a lot of backup. There were more Servants than there would've been if every candidate got their own, when I went through it. So it really was just like--a whole community making it happen.
[ And maybe she'd still been a focal point, as the only Master for so many. Maybe things had hinged on her shoulders more directly than anyone else.
But it had never felt like that. Ritsuka doesn't really feel like she deserves all--or even most--of the credit for her accomplishments. If not for the staff, if not for Roman, if not for every Heroic Spirit that had heard her call for help and chosen to answer, she would have never succeeded. ]
Stuff like this doesn't get fixed because of one exceptional person. Even what's his name, your leader. If everyone's world is at stake, then everyone should have the chance to contribute somehow. Right?
[He lets out a surprised laugh, tinged with much more than just humor. God, what a hilarious, twisted accidental counterpoint that makes to his own musings. This is truly the difference between them, for as much as they have in common: Kirschtaria Wodime, to Fujimaru, is just that guy. It's not even like Kadoc doesn't get why. It's just as fucking alien as that creepy silent priestess.
But Wodime's not the point. The whole point, in fact, is that he isn't the point. He wasn't among those chosen by this system, however it does that. Kadoc picks off a chunk of his bread bowl to dip into the soup, mulling on that one now too, not for the first time.]
. . . You know, I knew you'd show up here. I dunno if I mentioned that before. It felt more and more inevitable every month. Not because you're exceptional, though. This place doesn't discriminate about that. That should be obvious by the fact that I'm here myself.
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fujimaru
no subject
Date: 2021-08-20 05:06 am (UTC)So he watches her like a hawk, but without surprise. It galls him a little, inside himself, that he can't quite turn off his concern even for her—but he's never been good at that. It's always hurt when he's had to force it, which has been frequently enough these days, before Camelot.]
I'm pretty sure this one pulls that kinda crap too. Photos showing up on his social media of places he was never actually seen at and all that. It's insane, having to actually think about things like stalking Merlin's insta.
[Finally, he has to bring it up again:]
You're seriously in pain. You haven't found a healer yet?
no subject
Date: 2021-08-20 05:20 am (UTC)[ That gets a little smile out of her, fleeting and slightly wry, before she shrugs. ]
And, no. Not yet.
[ She says it simply, without complaint. For Ritsuka, it's just one of those things that she just accepts and tanks; like with food or sleep, it's mostly the people around her who keep an eye on things and notice before she really has time to start feeling it too hard. Some of those people are even in Camelot, but that's the trick to Ritsuka. If left to her own devices, for her own personal health, she just does her best without thinking to ask. This is how she lived, pre-Chaldea, small and unassuming and content to drift through things without trying to make much of an impression.
It actually worries her a little, to be backsliding into that, but at least she knows why. It helps to be healthy when you're trying to establish yourself, okay. ]
I mean, for one thing, I really don't have any money yet. I've been spending most of my days here sleeping, so far? That's not really great for things like... you know, going out, finding some way to earn a living, whatever.
[ Or eating. Thank goodness for Kipposhi offering to spot her. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-08-31 03:23 am (UTC)[It's so easy to say this kind of thing when he's on the outside of the situation. It's logic, and he follows it in a completely straightforward way. There is help out there for Ritsuka, and it's not hard to obtain, and there's no reason she shouldn't make an effort to obtain it. Easy.
. . . Would he do the same thing himself? That's another question. And not relevant here! Ha! Kadoc can be a hypocrite all he wants; he can understand why Fujimaru wouldn't jump to "I should just ask my brand new neighbors if anyone can heal me for free" on a personal level and still needle her about how it's exactly what she should do. Because it is, if she's feeling this rough.
He perches on the edge of his seat, ready to rise again; one of them has to go actually order. And it's going to be him, even if she complains about it, which he hopes she's not dumb enough to do. He can only handle so much promotion of self-care in one day.]
Tell me what you want when you decide, by the way. I'll go put in for it.
[There are little menus on the table, but it's the type of place you go up to the counter at when you're ready.]
no subject
Date: 2021-08-31 03:41 am (UTC)[ That's really the most she can say to that. "Huh." Most of the people she's met here have been kind, but there's that, and then there's just taking advantage of someone's generosity.
It's not even that she can't see the point in what he's saying. He knows the pulse of the society here; if he does, in fact, read every post that goes up on the network (that seems like so much work? Kadoc, you really are a workaholic, aren't you...), then he's probably the best resource she has for getting to know what the (social) lay of the land is. If he says people are prone to generosity, then she can believe that.
But that acknowledged... there's still a kind of disconnect going on in her head. Of course it's nice that people are that generous! It's nice that this Camelot has a friendly and helpful (ish? enough) society! But applying it to herself just doesn't click.
Kadoc probably knows that about her. Ritsuka shrugs a little, as if she'd said anything more, and reaches for the menu herself. ]
Maybe the soup of the day... and a sandwich? I feel like I'd want a ham sandwich.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-06 03:29 am (UTC)That's a lot of mixed feelings to go through just for someone asking for a ham sandwich. Get over it, Zemlupus.
He offered, and he's going to get it for her. With a nod, he pushes back from the table.]
I'll be back. In the meantime, skim the network. That's your homework. Not just to look for that specific post, but to get a feel for the way people operate here. Saying this makes me feel like some kinda motivational employee Powerpoint or some crap, but: we're all in this together. Everyone knows that. And people help each other out with less serious issues than yours, just because they know it.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-06 03:54 am (UTC)[ He knows why. She's spent enough time going between the two halves of Chaldea's staff--mages and non-mages alike, and while most of the former could rattle off all sorts of complicated equations that went right over her head... she still remembers the first time she had to show someone how to close out of a program by hitting the X in the upper right corner. Technology and mages only uneasily coexist at the best of times, he surely knows that.
But she's usually good at doing what she's told, so whenever he returns, she's on her phone, her chin on one hand and the thumb of the other idly scrolling.
Without looking up, she says: ]
I dunno, I still don't think I'd wanna just throw it out there, "hey, I'm recovering from a really specific rare thing, who wants to experiment with me and find out if they can help"? I can't put out like that on a first date.
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Date: 2021-09-06 10:25 pm (UTC)It's your loss. But I'll point out I've got no idea what this "really specific rare thing" is. I didn't think it was gonna be anything so beyond the pale that you couldn't even explain it to a healer. I'm pretty sure the healers don't need to know the exact mechanism behind anything they heal, or else it'd be a useless skill for a layman.
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Date: 2021-09-06 10:34 pm (UTC)[ That can give him at least some idea of where they are right now, with Chaldea, though that has some obvious gaps. The Scandinavian Lostbelt had been just as hard as the other two, but--in the end, the grief for that feels more like something that belongs to Mash, not her. She hasn't asked too much about the relationship between Mash and Ophelia--maybe someday, but not yet. ]
It's not like we were operating with full resources, but if those two couldn't synthesize it, I'm not sure I'd trust a random healer, you know? It's not like my life is in danger anymore. I'm just recovering.
[ He probably doesn't know about the poison immunity she has--had--from Mash. Did he get anything like that from Anastasia? Hell, it's worth asking. ]
...When you were--working in your Lostbelt, did you get any kind of... I dunno. Bonus stats? Something that worked in your personal safety's favor?
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Date: 2021-09-07 04:49 am (UTC)I'm gonna make you go back to that to explain it like a normal person in just a minute. But before that, what kinda thing do you have in mind here? You've obviously got something you're basing that question on. You mean something from the Alien God? From Animusphere? Or something else?
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Date: 2021-09-07 04:56 am (UTC)[ She says it as clinically as possible. There's no way for her to know how fresh that is, for him; no matter what he might say or do, she'd been there. She'd watched the Lostbelt Anastasia fade in his arms, and the immediate fallout from that. In spite of all the awkward things between them, she doesn't actually want to pour salt in the wound, no matter how close to healed it is. ]
Like... because of my bond with Mash, I was usually immune to poison. Or, at least, I could function pretty well until it got cleared out of my system properly.
[ That's another clue right there, isn't it? She isn't aware of the gaps she's leaving--for her, these are just The Things That Have Happened, and it's hard to remember where more context is needed. But he knows more than most, and he can surely put more of the pieces together. ]
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Date: 2021-09-09 03:18 am (UTC)So you're recovering from poison. Kyrielight isn't here, so the last of it hit you harder than you're used to. But you're not actively poisoned anymore, just working it out of your system. Am I on the right track?
[He hadn't answered her question, and he knows it. Part of him wonders if she even really wants to know, or if it'd just been a way of getting to the point. But after a beat, he shrugs; maybe she really was curious.]
. . . And yeah. I could handle the cold in Russia better than I would've been able to without my contract. It wasn't the difference between life or death, but it was there.
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Date: 2021-09-09 03:26 am (UTC)[ That would be the most useful thing for him, wouldn't it? Just like being shielded (ha!) from status effects was useful for her. She tears off a piece of her sandwich, nibbling on that as she considers. ]
And, yeah. Koyanskaya had one in, and she shot her shot. Didn't really work, as you can see, but... yeah. It wasn't something that Da Vinci could fix on her own, even with Holmes helping her, which meant we had to go for the raw ingredients.
So--if a universal genius and the world's greatest detective couldn't do anything... I dunno, call me superstitious, but I don't know how much anyone here would be able to help me on that.
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Date: 2021-09-09 03:40 am (UTC)Besides, she should actually get this information eventually.]
I get where you're coming from. But take my advice and forget everything you think you know about magecraft from home. . . . For you, that shouldn't be much of a challenge. I'm just saying that nothing about this world's system works the same way. We can't draw correlations between how difficult something is in our world and how difficult it might be here. I've been trying, and they don't exist.
. . . But even with that aside, what I'm suggesting isn't an antidote for the poison. You've already got that, I gather. I take it you managed to take down Akuta in the process. I'm suggesting treating the symptoms, since they're nothing but holdovers from a status you've already cured.
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Date: 2021-09-09 03:49 am (UTC)[ She shrugs. It's not even her belief in the magic system where they came from versus this place, it's more--maybe there's a part of her that doesn't want to believe that people could do something Da Vinci couldn't. Especially with how tenuous her existence is right now. ]
I'll think about it, at least. And I'm already feeling better, so it might not even be necessary. --The food is definitely helping, though.
[ Another piece of her sandwich gets carefully torn off and nibbled on. ]
Hinako is... uh. I think this is the kind of thing that I shouldn't actually tell you about? But if you're going to come back to Chaldea someday, then...
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Date: 2021-09-09 04:35 am (UTC). . . But, eugh, Koyanskaya. He'd let that little tidbit of information roll off him initially, but now it's stuck in his mental shoe. Whatever he may feel about Fujimaru, he is not terribly conflicted about feeling relief that she didn't die thanks to Koyansyaka of all people poisoning her to death. Koyanskaya failing at anything, especially something Kadoc had also failed at, brings a little smile to his heart. Thank fuck she hadn't gotten away with it!
That's an aside. He doesn't say anything about it, at least not yet. Instead he sets his coffee aside with a frown and grabs his spoon again without eating.]
Is that what you think's gonna happen? There's a lot standing in the way of that right now. Our situation here is only the tip of the iceberg.
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Date: 2021-09-09 04:49 am (UTC)[ That is one of Ritsuka's secrets to success: that she does believe, wholeheartedly, in living through her trials and coming through them. Maybe it's stupidity, or maybe it's to spite people who believe otherwise... but even when she understands and respects the stakes, she commits to success as hard as she can.
In the end, that was part of why he'd come so close to breaking her--and why Paxti's words had snapped her out of it, in the end. ]
Like what's going on at home is that simple? Maybe it wasn't like, dozens of different universes or whatever, but it's not like Chaldea's mission was simple even at the beginning.
And this place is nice, but it's not home.
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Date: 2021-09-10 03:09 am (UTC)[Another sip of coffee. Does he want to put her off? Well . . . no. He's committed to surviving this too, even if he doesn't have Fujimaru's faith that things will work out that way. All he has is his will that he'll make it so for as long as he possibly can. But Kadoc knows well that he's only alive because he's been allowed that luxury—not just once, but at least three times over, at this point. And more will have to come if he's going to make it through this.
Knowing that, defecting to Chaldea is the most realistically safe option for him, but that doesn't make it an easy plan to execute.]
Not only do we have to see this calamity through to success—and I dunno how good the odds are of that—even if that happens as planned, it's not like I can just get out from under the thumb of the Crypters. They have good reason to want me alive, and it's not because we're comrades.
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Date: 2021-09-10 03:14 am (UTC)[ Given what she's seen that priest do, the fact that he didn't kill Kadoc is significant, somehow. She knows that. It's just that she's neither deductive enough, nor has enough of the information, to actually make a good guess at the reason. Surely if they'd just wanted to keep him from telling any secrets, it would have been better to kill him, therefore--
But then she fixes him with a mildly quizzical look, head cocked, brows furrowed. It's honestly more confused than anything. ]
But you know what, it's kind of funny to hear you telling me that you don't know how good the odds are for beating this. It's not like Chaldea ever had great chances for success, did it?
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Date: 2021-09-11 02:48 am (UTC)[Because it's hard to think of them as the same entity. Kadoc runs into this over and over again in his head: Chaldea Before and Chaldea After, two different things entirely. Even notwithstanding the Lostbelt situation, or this Novum Chaldea she's mentioned that he wants to know about . . . the aspects of the facility that had remained constant before and after Lev Lainur's sabotage were very few. Dr. Roman, Da Vinci, the handful of other surviving staff. Mash Kyrielight, but her role and nature had changed so drastically from everything that had been planned to that point. Fujimaru herself had not been a presence in Chaldea Before in any sense of the word.
There had been a group of people with a culture, relationships, an understanding of how things were meant to go if they went according to plan. And all of that had been replaced very quickly when everything had happened all at once that day.
Kadoc doesn't even say it with any bitterness. Bitterness isn't precisely what he feels about it. It's a tangle of things he hasn't managed to unravel in himself yet, including a strong rope of grief he's just never dealt with. And he doesn't explain what he means, either, wondering if she'll know. Maybe she thinks of it the same way. But maybe she doesn't. He wonders, so he watches her levelly, hand curled around his cup, just waiting to see.]
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Date: 2021-09-11 03:08 am (UTC)And even now... even now, Mash only brings up her former teammates on practically a need-to-know basis. The awkwardness between her and Ophelia hadn't solely been because of Ophelia's own emotional stunting. Ritsuka can only guess what sort of gulf exists between the Mash that she knows, and the one that had been given to Team A like an extra piece of equipment.
But in answer to his question, she shrugs. ]
Both, I guess. You guys had all of the resources and help and everything, but--no one even knew what was supposed to be the event that kicked everything off, right? Even with all of the technology and magecraft and whatever stuff that the Director and her family poured into it... no one knew. I don't know why anyone thought you guys could deal with an enemy before it became a problem, if they couldn't even tell you what it was.
[ It's all half-formed conjecture for her, things that she has thought about, on dark nights during the first year of the Grand Order, before the "Solomon" had revealed himself. How was anyone supposed to take out an enemy whose identity and location remained unknown? Especially someone powerful enough to gather seven Holy Grails to scatter them across the span of human history--never mind someone who had been powerful enough to do what he'd done in the first place. Maybe Kadoc's right, that Team A could have handled things with less casualties, but at the same time... had their odds ever really been over 50-50? ]
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Date: 2021-09-11 05:04 am (UTC)If anything, thinking about this now, he feels more akin to Ritsuka than he ever has before. They have many similarities—but this is the one he feels deep.]
I never doubted us. And I doubt myself all the damn time, as you well know. But when it came to Chaldea and Team A dealing with what we knew was coming, I believed, because I knew there wasn't another option. At the time, it was us or nothing. The Plan B that ended up being you and Kyrielight was no plan at all—nothing we could rely on. It wasn't even a twinkle in the Director's eye. No . . . we had to win, and I knew we would. And I know you feel the same way. Even now, you know you can take down Wodime and the others, even though you can't imagine what's in store for you. Why? Because you know you have to. Everything rides on it.
When that's the situation, even when you're someone who obsesses over failure the way I do, you push through it.
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Date: 2021-09-11 05:18 am (UTC)[ She says it simply, because there's no need to argue it. She doesn't have to guess that he understands; no one talks like that without knowing the exact way she felt--and still feels, even here in this place. ]
Maybe I'll wind up being wrong. I don't know that yet. But right now, what I know is that I have to do whatever I can to make it through.
[ There's a longer pause, a thoughtful one, as she fiddles with the remains of her sandwich, eaten slowly as he spoke. Part of her wants to tell him about what it was like, at the very end, alone at the Temple of Time and staring Beast I down. She wants to tell someone about that time.
I want to live, she'd screamed into the unyielding dark. And somehow, despite all the odds, she still is. ]
So that's why I think that, whatever is happening here, it'll be solved. We'll all make it through, and after that... I still have our own history to save.
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Date: 2021-09-12 04:55 am (UTC)Of course he hadn't felt it in Russia either, even though that had been another do or die situation. The difference had been as stark as the Russian Ice Age wasteland he'd been given to nurture. Thinking about it, he'd always chalked that lack of hope up simply to The Wodime Issue: no matter what he managed to pull off in his Lostbelt, it always would have come down to a showdown between himself and Wodime, and Kadoc had barely even entertained the dream that that might swing in his favor. He knew better. As Team A, he and Wodime had been on the same side, and that had surely also factored into Kadoc's confidence in the eventual success of Chaldea's mission.
And now he isn't here. He's a non-entity, frozen in time outside of this place, doomed to be devoured by the Calamity if they don't succeed here.
God, does it suck to think that Wodime's mere presence here or there or over there has that kind of influence over Kadoc's mission confidence. He frowns down into his soup, which he's now just kinda looking at as he thinks. It isn't the only factor in his feelings, but it's a more major one than he likes to admit. Just sitting here zoning out thinking about the guy like a huge loser with a chip on his shoulder!
He grumbles and sets his spoon down, leaning on his elbow now.]
. . . It's just not that easy to feel like we have any control over this situation the way we did back in our world. For better or for worse, the pressure was more squarely on our shoulders back there. For me, that's for the better. I can't deal with lax expectations when the stakes are high.
[That does not involve Wodime at all. But it's all also true, and more of what Kadoc is willing to admit to as a factor in why he never feels like he's actually getting anywhere in Camelot.]
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Date: 2021-09-12 05:08 am (UTC)[ She cocks her head, quizzical as she looks at him. ]
I think that was more the case for you guys. You said it yourself, right? You guys were meant to take care of everything, and the rest of us were just for a quota. I probably wouldn't have ever even had a Servant, never mind anything else. It was all riding on you directly.
But with me... it wasn't like that. I might have been the only Master, but I had a lot of backup. There were more Servants than there would've been if every candidate got their own, when I went through it. So it really was just like--a whole community making it happen.
[ And maybe she'd still been a focal point, as the only Master for so many. Maybe things had hinged on her shoulders more directly than anyone else.
But it had never felt like that. Ritsuka doesn't really feel like she deserves all--or even most--of the credit for her accomplishments. If not for the staff, if not for Roman, if not for every Heroic Spirit that had heard her call for help and chosen to answer, she would have never succeeded. ]
Stuff like this doesn't get fixed because of one exceptional person. Even what's his name, your leader. If everyone's world is at stake, then everyone should have the chance to contribute somehow. Right?
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Date: 2021-09-12 08:44 pm (UTC)[He lets out a surprised laugh, tinged with much more than just humor. God, what a hilarious, twisted accidental counterpoint that makes to his own musings. This is truly the difference between them, for as much as they have in common: Kirschtaria Wodime, to Fujimaru, is just that guy. It's not even like Kadoc doesn't get why. It's just as fucking alien as that creepy silent priestess.
But Wodime's not the point. The whole point, in fact, is that he isn't the point. He wasn't among those chosen by this system, however it does that. Kadoc picks off a chunk of his bread bowl to dip into the soup, mulling on that one now too, not for the first time.]
. . . You know, I knew you'd show up here. I dunno if I mentioned that before. It felt more and more inevitable every month. Not because you're exceptional, though. This place doesn't discriminate about that. That should be obvious by the fact that I'm here myself.
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