[ She whaps at him again. It is clear that she has no real idea of how to use a weapon, even a fake one, and that is only exaggerated by the fact that she isn't trying hard at all. It's mostly similar to how a kid might hit another kid with a pillow than any actual fighting stance. ]
[That said? He's doing the same thing in "attacking" her back, half because it started on this note and he has no desire to make it any less stupid, and half because Kadoc also has no idea how to use a sword. He can shoot a gun, but in this, he's totally lost. And would technique really mean anything anyway, when these are party balloons, that whiff stupidly through the air and thunk into one another with rubbery squeaks?]
[ She's giggling as she says it, following up with a (clumsy) flurry of blows. Whether any of them really make contact with him or with his weapon doesn't matter. They're definitely drawing a small crowd, but who cares! This is a lot more fun! ]
[This is not remotely a sword fight. It's just the two of them swinging stupid balloons at one another. Every time Kadoc's actually makes contact with Ritsuka, or anything else he accidentally hits in his efforts—luckily this particular end of the aisle doesn't have anything fragile or easily scattered hanging around—it just bends stupidly, making a little squeak. It's impossible not to smile at it, even for him, who is definitely trying to take this all very seriously, thank you!!
It's not going to take long for an employee to step in, though.]
[ It's not too hard to dissuade her, though she's still clutching at her fake Excalibur, giggling helplessly through the brief lecture. After a bit of (sincere! really!) apologizing and paying for both of the swords--as well as the little Galahad playset--they... aren't exactly kicked out, but it is still strongly implied it would be better if they left immediately.
She's still laughing as they leave, wiping at her eyes. ]
At least they're not like the real thing from our world... I'd hate to see what the actual Noble Phantasm would have done to that poor shop.
[They ended up buying the swords . . . now he owns one . . . at least he can whap Ritsuka in peace with it now, legally, though he doesn't at this moment. The moment has passed. And also, he needs to get a photo of this playset before it's too late. Kadoc had almost forgotten the entire reason they needed it, and it's good fortune that he remembers in enough time to take the photo before the timer counts all the way down and they lose the game. Only four minutes to spare! Geez! They got distracted . . . ]
The universe would've been destroyed ages ago if you could just go buy a Noble Phantasm from the dollar store in the kids' party section.
Maybe! But it's also the kind of thing that would totally show up in a story.
[ She's waving the balloon Excalibur around, idly; it might swing wide enough to bop his side now and then, but she's no longer actively trying to hit him with it. ]
Some powerful artifact gets lost, and no one knows where it went, then years and years later, it turns up in a dollar store like that... I'm pretty sure I've watched that movie.
[He waves his arm back at her, not really trying to bash it away either, just reflexively; he's mostly looking at his phone, because the button to push for the next item has popped up, and he's trying to decide when to push it.]
Sounds like a movie that would have The Rock in it or something.
[ She would! He's still her favorite movie actor! (Because Ritsuka watched a fair amount of both American and Japanese movies, and she liked the schlocky actiony ones the best. Of course.) ]
You've gotta watch it with me, if I ever find it. For solidarity.
There's no way The Rock exists here to make movies.
[DOES HE?! Who knows the ways of the multiverse?! Maybe there is a Lostbelt Dwayne Johnson here in Camelot, entertaining the masses—no, they would've found him by now, surely. His films, anyway.
Kadoc holds up his phone.]
So should I do the next one? We've got like two minutes.
There's probably someone like him. You could probably look it up on the google equivalent.
[ But when he holds up his phone, she leans in eagerly. She's feeling good, enjoying herself--turns out, doing something silly and fun like this is a mood booster! Who could have guessed? ]
You can just go back at a later time! Not for this, but if you ever feel like you desperately need something small and cheap.
[ Sometimes dollar stores have good things! But even at their most expensive, it's still cheaper than stuff she's found in department stores. She glances at him sidelong too, trying to imagine him wearing them... that'd be kind of cute, actually... ]
Maybe a costume shop? They don't do Halloween here, but there's gotta be someone who sells cutesy accessories.
If nothing else, there's gotta be some kinda . . . Lover's Lane place, right? That'd probably have it. I mean . . . I think.
[Why is that the first thing he thought of . . . but come on, it's true! If there's no Halloween, who else wears things like this? Probably girls in sexy costumes, right? Like that strip club they went to for that other mission, which he is also never showing his face in again, thanks.
Kadoc's beginning to run out of establishments in this here city, Fujimaru!
Does. Does he start searching for sex shops? He hesitates, looking at her with open embarrassment at the thought. He can't just do it unless she agrees it makes sense!]
[ Understanding clicks when the question is half out of her mouth. Oh. Ohhhh. He's right... if there's no holiday solely dedicated to dressing up in costumes, then... well, dancers for clubs need to get their outfits from somewhere--
Her face goes slowly bright red, and she stares back at him for a few long seconds before she abruptly turns her head, coughing. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. ]
It's just the first thing I thought of! Shit, now I feel like I said something totally off the wall creepy!
[He has his phone clutched in his hand still, the timer beginning to count down. The next step is to actually try to look up . . . what, sex shops near me? Can he manage that with her standing right here looking that red?! This is already out of hand!]
It's fine! It's a good suggestion, it--c-come on, the timer's going! We've gotta find...
[ We've gotta find a sex shop--oh god, she can't just say that. Not in general, not in public, and not to him! She glances at him sidelong because she can't really look at him directly, then has to look away again. ]
...the right place. Should I check on my phone instead?
I'm not gonna make you put that in your search history when it was my dumbass idea.
[But he can do it. Fine! He goes to search for sex shop and it autofills with sex shop near me and that's just what they're doing now! He enters the search with a tap of his finger like he's clicking into a jumpscare video or something, holding the phone away from himself.]
[ On the other hand, she would know. That knowledge would be there in her, as a curse. She leans in closer in spite of herself, her head almost on his shoulder, as she peers. Oh boy. This is apparently happening. Good luck to them. ]
[He automatically leans away, as if they didn't literally just discuss what he's doing and why. It's a natural instinct. You can't just let a girl look at your phone when you're looking for sex shops!
But there's something called Castle Megastore not too far from them. What kind of name is that for a sex shop . . . a Camelot name, apparently. Kadoc relents, realizing that hiding this from her is idiotic, and leans back into her field of vision.]
[ When he leans away, she pulls back, mostly because she reads it as him wanting his space, which--fair enough. He's not exactly the most touchy-feely guy.
Oh boy though. It's here, it's real, and WHY is it called that? ]
We've made it this far. I'm not ready to give up, are you?
When you put it that way, it'd be pretty fucking stupid of me to get myself kicked out of a dollar store for this dumb quest and then just give up on finishing it 'cuz I can't deal with seeing a dildo or something.
[Even though that's not the issue! Maybe it's a little the issue. Kadoc can't pretend he'd feel nothing in the way of embarrassment if he were going in alone. But he'd be able to get over it more easily, he thinks, than he can going in with her. Oh boy.]
Yeah. You're right. We don't have to browse or anything.
[He does not yet linger on the thought of why Ritsuka knows this. It's waiting in the wings. It's going to spring into his head and consume his thoughts soon enough. But first, as he nods them along in the direction his map is pointing, at a quick clip so they can get there within the time limit . . .
He's quiet, for a bit. Mulling something over helplessly. Unable to escape the question, and biting it back, refusing to speak it into existence, until finally he just can't anymore:]
. . . You think they have . . . like, Excalibur? Again? Except it's . . . ?
[ She trips over absolutely nothing at all, stumbling some awkward flailing steps before she regains her balance, blinking furiously. Oh god? Oh god. ]
They probably totally do. Oh my god.
[ She doesn't want to think about it! Never mind the tired bearded stranger that sometimes shows up on the network to talk; Arturia is in this Camelot, too. Someday, she'll have to go home to the one(s) that she knows, with the cursed knowledge that someone here has surely made an Excalibur-shaped dildo. ]
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fujimaru
no subject
Date: 2022-06-05 04:42 am (UTC)[ She whaps at him again. It is clear that she has no real idea of how to use a weapon, even a fake one, and that is only exaggerated by the fact that she isn't trying hard at all. It's mostly similar to how a kid might hit another kid with a pillow than any actual fighting stance. ]
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Date: 2022-06-05 05:58 am (UTC)[That said? He's doing the same thing in "attacking" her back, half because it started on this note and he has no desire to make it any less stupid, and half because Kadoc also has no idea how to use a sword. He can shoot a gun, but in this, he's totally lost. And would technique really mean anything anyway, when these are party balloons, that whiff stupidly through the air and thunk into one another with rubbery squeaks?]
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Date: 2022-06-05 06:16 am (UTC)[ She's giggling as she says it, following up with a (clumsy) flurry of blows. Whether any of them really make contact with him or with his weapon doesn't matter. They're definitely drawing a small crowd, but who cares! This is a lot more fun! ]
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Date: 2022-06-06 03:07 am (UTC)It's not going to take long for an employee to step in, though.]
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Date: 2022-06-06 03:19 am (UTC)She's still laughing as they leave, wiping at her eyes. ]
At least they're not like the real thing from our world... I'd hate to see what the actual Noble Phantasm would have done to that poor shop.
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Date: 2022-06-06 04:54 am (UTC)The universe would've been destroyed ages ago if you could just go buy a Noble Phantasm from the dollar store in the kids' party section.
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Date: 2022-06-06 05:00 am (UTC)[ She's waving the balloon Excalibur around, idly; it might swing wide enough to bop his side now and then, but she's no longer actively trying to hit him with it. ]
Some powerful artifact gets lost, and no one knows where it went, then years and years later, it turns up in a dollar store like that... I'm pretty sure I've watched that movie.
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Date: 2022-06-08 03:52 am (UTC)Sounds like a movie that would have The Rock in it or something.
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Date: 2022-06-08 04:00 am (UTC)[ She would! He's still her favorite movie actor! (Because Ritsuka watched a fair amount of both American and Japanese movies, and she liked the schlocky actiony ones the best. Of course.) ]
You've gotta watch it with me, if I ever find it. For solidarity.
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Date: 2022-06-08 05:08 am (UTC)[DOES HE?! Who knows the ways of the multiverse?! Maybe there is a Lostbelt Dwayne Johnson here in Camelot, entertaining the masses—no, they would've found him by now, surely. His films, anyway.
Kadoc holds up his phone.]
So should I do the next one? We've got like two minutes.
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Date: 2022-06-08 05:20 am (UTC)[ But when he holds up his phone, she leans in eagerly. She's feeling good, enjoying herself--turns out, doing something silly and fun like this is a mood booster! Who could have guessed? ]
Go on, I'm ready. What'll it be?
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Date: 2022-06-10 04:06 am (UTC)[He's smiling, though, as he snipes at her, hitting the button for the next prompt. It comes up with: CAT EARS HEADBAND.]
Damn. I bet we could've gotten this in the dollar store, but I'm never showing my face in there again.
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Date: 2022-06-10 04:09 am (UTC)[ Sometimes dollar stores have good things! But even at their most expensive, it's still cheaper than stuff she's found in department stores. She glances at him sidelong too, trying to imagine him wearing them... that'd be kind of cute, actually... ]
Maybe a costume shop? They don't do Halloween here, but there's gotta be someone who sells cutesy accessories.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-11 05:47 am (UTC)[Why is that the first thing he thought of . . . but come on, it's true! If there's no Halloween, who else wears things like this? Probably girls in sexy costumes, right? Like that strip club they went to for that other mission, which he is also never showing his face in again, thanks.
Kadoc's beginning to run out of establishments in this here city, Fujimaru!
Does. Does he start searching for sex shops? He hesitates, looking at her with open embarrassment at the thought. He can't just do it unless she agrees it makes sense!]
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Date: 2022-06-11 05:52 am (UTC)[ Understanding clicks when the question is half out of her mouth. Oh. Ohhhh. He's right... if there's no holiday solely dedicated to dressing up in costumes, then... well, dancers for clubs need to get their outfits from somewhere--
Her face goes slowly bright red, and she stares back at him for a few long seconds before she abruptly turns her head, coughing. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. ]
M-maybe?? It's, that's probably our best bet?!
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Date: 2022-06-12 05:54 am (UTC)[He has his phone clutched in his hand still, the timer beginning to count down. The next step is to actually try to look up . . . what, sex shops near me? Can he manage that with her standing right here looking that red?! This is already out of hand!]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-12 06:06 am (UTC)[ We've gotta find a sex shop--oh god, she can't just say that. Not in general, not in public, and not to him! She glances at him sidelong because she can't really look at him directly, then has to look away again. ]
...the right place. Should I check on my phone instead?
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Date: 2022-06-15 03:45 am (UTC)[But he can do it. Fine! He goes to search for sex shop and it autofills with sex shop near me and that's just what they're doing now! He enters the search with a tap of his finger like he's clicking into a jumpscare video or something, holding the phone away from himself.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-15 04:01 am (UTC)[ On the other hand, she would know. That knowledge would be there in her, as a curse. She leans in closer in spite of herself, her head almost on his shoulder, as she peers. Oh boy. This is apparently happening. Good luck to them. ]
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Date: 2022-06-18 03:28 am (UTC)But there's something called Castle Megastore not too far from them. What kind of name is that for a sex shop . . . a Camelot name, apparently. Kadoc relents, realizing that hiding this from her is idiotic, and leans back into her field of vision.]
It's not far. . . . We doing this?
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Date: 2022-06-18 03:34 am (UTC)Oh boy though. It's here, it's real, and WHY is it called that? ]
We've made it this far. I'm not ready to give up, are you?
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Date: 2022-06-20 05:37 am (UTC)[Even though that's not the issue! Maybe it's a little the issue. Kadoc can't pretend he'd feel nothing in the way of embarrassment if he were going in alone. But he'd be able to get over it more easily, he thinks, than he can going in with her. Oh boy.]
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Date: 2022-06-20 05:42 am (UTC)[ Please don't ask her how she knows this. Please don't read too much into it. ]
We can just duck in, ask a clerk, and run out again. Simple.
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Date: 2022-06-20 06:07 am (UTC)[He does not yet linger on the thought of why Ritsuka knows this. It's waiting in the wings. It's going to spring into his head and consume his thoughts soon enough. But first, as he nods them along in the direction his map is pointing, at a quick clip so they can get there within the time limit . . .
He's quiet, for a bit. Mulling something over helplessly. Unable to escape the question, and biting it back, refusing to speak it into existence, until finally he just can't anymore:]
. . . You think they have . . . like, Excalibur? Again? Except it's . . . ?
no subject
Date: 2022-06-20 06:13 am (UTC)They probably totally do. Oh my god.
[ She doesn't want to think about it! Never mind the tired bearded stranger that sometimes shows up on the network to talk; Arturia is in this Camelot, too. Someday, she'll have to go home to the one(s) that she knows, with the cursed knowledge that someone here has surely made an Excalibur-shaped dildo. ]
...
I bet it's a vibrator.
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