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[fujimaru]

Ritsuka Fujimaru | 藤丸 立香
19(?) / F / Who knows!!

This is Ritsuka! Leave a message and I'll get back to you.

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[impostorsyndrome]

[He picks up after her, easily keeping pace. He's never been in this place before, and it's going to be hard not to linger looking at all the wacky things they surely have here. Styrofoam Excaliburs? He might have to get one if he sees one, or at least hit Ritsuka with it.]

So basically a prank with a built-in apology.

[fujimaru]

Those are the best kind!

[ It is entirely possible they will get kicked out of this dollar store because of a stupid and badly executed toy swordfight in the aisles, but that's a problem for future them to worry about. For now, Ritsuka looks around when she enters, before making a beeline to the toy section. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

I'm gonna go look at the party favors.

[He gives her a wave and darts off that way, because he's still imagining some kind of game where you bake a tiny grail into a cake and whomever gets that slice gets to be King Arthur for a day or something. Damn, they should hire him for their festivals in this town. . . . Like hell. That would require knowing how to have fun.

But he's also keeping an eye out for any convenient Excaliburs hanging around to whap a girl with. Just in case.]

[fujimaru]

[ Frankly speaking, there are probably some Excalibur-themed decorations; regardless of anything else about Arthur's reign, he's still king here. Surely capitalism has seized upon this.

Ritsuka does in fact find a brightly-colored package that appears to be a "Galahad action set," which a rather unfortunate-looking doll, complete with sword and tiny plastic cup. It barely looks like the Grail as she would recognize it, but surely it counts. She picks it up, then turns to go looking for Kadoc. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

[She may have won this round; there aren't actually any bags full of tiny plastic grails the way Kadoc had hoped. But he did find an Excalibur-shaped inflatable giant party balloon, so who really wins here? He does, because when she approaches, he turns around with it and bops her on the head.

Look, he couldn't resist once the idea got into his skull.]

[fujimaru]

--?!

[ It doesn't hurt, but it does startle her, enough that she makes a high-pitched ridiculous little peeping noise when he does it. Her eyes go wide as she stares at him. Did he really--?! ]

W, what, hey--

[impostorsyndrome]

[Oh no. He's both extremely amused at that sound, and extremely embarrassed that he did that and she seems more confused by it than . . . happy to play or anything. Of course she wouldn't be! It was just a dumb and embarrassing whim! He turns around to put the sword back and . . . pretend it didn't happen, maybe.]

. . . You find anything?

[fujimaru]

I did. Hey, let me see that for a moment.

[ Without waiting for him to answer, she leans forward, trying to tug the sword from his hand. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

Hey, c'mon—

[MOOOOOOM SHE'S TAKING MY SWOOOOOOORD! He tries to get it away from her, but he's too late. Oh no. His punishment is surely forthcoming?!]

[fujimaru]

[ NOPE. SHE'S TAKING IT.

And she's bopping him right back, laughing outright as she does. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

Ugh, come on!

[As if he didn't start this. He is just shamelessly pretending he didn't start this! He ducks away to grab another one, since he's being forced and all to defend himself!]

[fujimaru]

You started it, you gotta finish it!

[ She whaps at him again. It is clear that she has no real idea of how to use a weapon, even a fake one, and that is only exaggerated by the fact that she isn't trying hard at all. It's mostly similar to how a kid might hit another kid with a pillow than any actual fighting stance. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

Your form sucks!

[That said? He's doing the same thing in "attacking" her back, half because it started on this note and he has no desire to make it any less stupid, and half because Kadoc also has no idea how to use a sword. He can shoot a gun, but in this, he's totally lost. And would technique really mean anything anyway, when these are party balloons, that whiff stupidly through the air and thunk into one another with rubbery squeaks?]

[fujimaru]

Like yours is any better!

[ She's giggling as she says it, following up with a (clumsy) flurry of blows. Whether any of them really make contact with him or with his weapon doesn't matter. They're definitely drawing a small crowd, but who cares! This is a lot more fun! ]

[impostorsyndrome]

[This is not remotely a sword fight. It's just the two of them swinging stupid balloons at one another. Every time Kadoc's actually makes contact with Ritsuka, or anything else he accidentally hits in his efforts—luckily this particular end of the aisle doesn't have anything fragile or easily scattered hanging around—it just bends stupidly, making a little squeak. It's impossible not to smile at it, even for him, who is definitely trying to take this all very seriously, thank you!!

It's not going to take long for an employee to step in, though.]

[fujimaru]

[ It's not too hard to dissuade her, though she's still clutching at her fake Excalibur, giggling helplessly through the brief lecture. After a bit of (sincere! really!) apologizing and paying for both of the swords--as well as the little Galahad playset--they... aren't exactly kicked out, but it is still strongly implied it would be better if they left immediately.

She's still laughing as they leave, wiping at her eyes. ]

At least they're not like the real thing from our world... I'd hate to see what the actual Noble Phantasm would have done to that poor shop.

[impostorsyndrome]

[They ended up buying the swords . . . now he owns one . . . at least he can whap Ritsuka in peace with it now, legally, though he doesn't at this moment. The moment has passed. And also, he needs to get a photo of this playset before it's too late. Kadoc had almost forgotten the entire reason they needed it, and it's good fortune that he remembers in enough time to take the photo before the timer counts all the way down and they lose the game. Only four minutes to spare! Geez! They got distracted . . . ]

The universe would've been destroyed ages ago if you could just go buy a Noble Phantasm from the dollar store in the kids' party section.

[fujimaru]

Maybe! But it's also the kind of thing that would totally show up in a story.

[ She's waving the balloon Excalibur around, idly; it might swing wide enough to bop his side now and then, but she's no longer actively trying to hit him with it. ]

Some powerful artifact gets lost, and no one knows where it went, then years and years later, it turns up in a dollar store like that... I'm pretty sure I've watched that movie.

[impostorsyndrome]

[He waves his arm back at her, not really trying to bash it away either, just reflexively; he's mostly looking at his phone, because the button to push for the next item has popped up, and he's trying to decide when to push it.]

Sounds like a movie that would have The Rock in it or something.

[fujimaru]

Right? I'd totally watch it, even if it was bad.

[ She would! He's still her favorite movie actor! (Because Ritsuka watched a fair amount of both American and Japanese movies, and she liked the schlocky actiony ones the best. Of course.) ]

You've gotta watch it with me, if I ever find it. For solidarity.

[impostorsyndrome]

There's no way The Rock exists here to make movies.

[DOES HE?! Who knows the ways of the multiverse?! Maybe there is a Lostbelt Dwayne Johnson here in Camelot, entertaining the masses—no, they would've found him by now, surely. His films, anyway.

Kadoc holds up his phone.]

So should I do the next one? We've got like two minutes.

[fujimaru]

There's probably someone like him. You could probably look it up on the google equivalent.

[ But when he holds up his phone, she leans in eagerly. She's feeling good, enjoying herself--turns out, doing something silly and fun like this is a mood booster! Who could have guessed? ]

Go on, I'm ready. What'll it be?

[impostorsyndrome]

I'll get right on googling "someone like The Rock, but worse, and in freaky alternate Camelot."

[He's smiling, though, as he snipes at her, hitting the button for the next prompt. It comes up with: CAT EARS HEADBAND.]

Damn. I bet we could've gotten this in the dollar store, but I'm never showing my face in there again.

[fujimaru]

You can just go back at a later time! Not for this, but if you ever feel like you desperately need something small and cheap.

[ Sometimes dollar stores have good things! But even at their most expensive, it's still cheaper than stuff she's found in department stores. She glances at him sidelong too, trying to imagine him wearing them... that'd be kind of cute, actually... ]

Maybe a costume shop? They don't do Halloween here, but there's gotta be someone who sells cutesy accessories.

[impostorsyndrome]

If nothing else, there's gotta be some kinda . . . Lover's Lane place, right? That'd probably have it. I mean . . . I think.

[Why is that the first thing he thought of . . . but come on, it's true! If there's no Halloween, who else wears things like this? Probably girls in sexy costumes, right? Like that strip club they went to for that other mission, which he is also never showing his face in again, thanks.

Kadoc's beginning to run out of establishments in this here city, Fujimaru!

Does. Does he start searching for sex shops? He hesitates, looking at her with open embarrassment at the thought. He can't just do it unless she agrees it makes sense!]