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[fujimaru]

Ritsuka Fujimaru | 藤丸 立香
19(?) / F / Who knows!!

This is Ritsuka! Leave a message and I'll get back to you.

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[impostorsyndrome]

I mean, she's not gonna be wrong. It is weird as hell. But she might need something like that in her life right now anyway. Maybe I do too.

[He'd agreed to go along with this whole hunt thing, and yeah, he has financial reasons, but those wouldn't have been enough for him to make the time for this if he didn't have personal reasons too.]

[fujimaru]

Like a customized little scavenger hunt for her? I think that'd be nice.

[ That's... cute. It makes her smile to think about it, and the fact that he suggested it himself, if in a roundabout sort of way. Now that they've gotten past the initial hurdle, she's seeing more and more why both Da Vinci and Mash called him a kind person. It makes her happy to see for herself. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

I was thinking more like a prank, but a pretty fucking stupid one. I wasn't gonna tell her ahead of time or anything like that.

[But this is still hardly the most unkind of things he could do. A prank, but one he would be hoping would be funny, not frustrating. He just doesn't have casual cruelty in him.]

[fujimaru]

It could be a prank with a prize. If she finds all of them, offer to buy her something nice.

[ There's the Camelot Dollar General or whatever up ahead, and when she sees it, she automatically picks up her pace. Who knows if someone else has had this silly idea? Better to get in as soon as possible. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

[He picks up after her, easily keeping pace. He's never been in this place before, and it's going to be hard not to linger looking at all the wacky things they surely have here. Styrofoam Excaliburs? He might have to get one if he sees one, or at least hit Ritsuka with it.]

So basically a prank with a built-in apology.

[fujimaru]

Those are the best kind!

[ It is entirely possible they will get kicked out of this dollar store because of a stupid and badly executed toy swordfight in the aisles, but that's a problem for future them to worry about. For now, Ritsuka looks around when she enters, before making a beeline to the toy section. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

I'm gonna go look at the party favors.

[He gives her a wave and darts off that way, because he's still imagining some kind of game where you bake a tiny grail into a cake and whomever gets that slice gets to be King Arthur for a day or something. Damn, they should hire him for their festivals in this town. . . . Like hell. That would require knowing how to have fun.

But he's also keeping an eye out for any convenient Excaliburs hanging around to whap a girl with. Just in case.]

[fujimaru]

[ Frankly speaking, there are probably some Excalibur-themed decorations; regardless of anything else about Arthur's reign, he's still king here. Surely capitalism has seized upon this.

Ritsuka does in fact find a brightly-colored package that appears to be a "Galahad action set," which a rather unfortunate-looking doll, complete with sword and tiny plastic cup. It barely looks like the Grail as she would recognize it, but surely it counts. She picks it up, then turns to go looking for Kadoc. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

[She may have won this round; there aren't actually any bags full of tiny plastic grails the way Kadoc had hoped. But he did find an Excalibur-shaped inflatable giant party balloon, so who really wins here? He does, because when she approaches, he turns around with it and bops her on the head.

Look, he couldn't resist once the idea got into his skull.]

[fujimaru]

--?!

[ It doesn't hurt, but it does startle her, enough that she makes a high-pitched ridiculous little peeping noise when he does it. Her eyes go wide as she stares at him. Did he really--?! ]

W, what, hey--

[impostorsyndrome]

[Oh no. He's both extremely amused at that sound, and extremely embarrassed that he did that and she seems more confused by it than . . . happy to play or anything. Of course she wouldn't be! It was just a dumb and embarrassing whim! He turns around to put the sword back and . . . pretend it didn't happen, maybe.]

. . . You find anything?

[fujimaru]

I did. Hey, let me see that for a moment.

[ Without waiting for him to answer, she leans forward, trying to tug the sword from his hand. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

Hey, c'mon—

[MOOOOOOM SHE'S TAKING MY SWOOOOOOORD! He tries to get it away from her, but he's too late. Oh no. His punishment is surely forthcoming?!]

[fujimaru]

[ NOPE. SHE'S TAKING IT.

And she's bopping him right back, laughing outright as she does. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

Ugh, come on!

[As if he didn't start this. He is just shamelessly pretending he didn't start this! He ducks away to grab another one, since he's being forced and all to defend himself!]

[fujimaru]

You started it, you gotta finish it!

[ She whaps at him again. It is clear that she has no real idea of how to use a weapon, even a fake one, and that is only exaggerated by the fact that she isn't trying hard at all. It's mostly similar to how a kid might hit another kid with a pillow than any actual fighting stance. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

Your form sucks!

[That said? He's doing the same thing in "attacking" her back, half because it started on this note and he has no desire to make it any less stupid, and half because Kadoc also has no idea how to use a sword. He can shoot a gun, but in this, he's totally lost. And would technique really mean anything anyway, when these are party balloons, that whiff stupidly through the air and thunk into one another with rubbery squeaks?]

[fujimaru]

Like yours is any better!

[ She's giggling as she says it, following up with a (clumsy) flurry of blows. Whether any of them really make contact with him or with his weapon doesn't matter. They're definitely drawing a small crowd, but who cares! This is a lot more fun! ]

[impostorsyndrome]

[This is not remotely a sword fight. It's just the two of them swinging stupid balloons at one another. Every time Kadoc's actually makes contact with Ritsuka, or anything else he accidentally hits in his efforts—luckily this particular end of the aisle doesn't have anything fragile or easily scattered hanging around—it just bends stupidly, making a little squeak. It's impossible not to smile at it, even for him, who is definitely trying to take this all very seriously, thank you!!

It's not going to take long for an employee to step in, though.]

[fujimaru]

[ It's not too hard to dissuade her, though she's still clutching at her fake Excalibur, giggling helplessly through the brief lecture. After a bit of (sincere! really!) apologizing and paying for both of the swords--as well as the little Galahad playset--they... aren't exactly kicked out, but it is still strongly implied it would be better if they left immediately.

She's still laughing as they leave, wiping at her eyes. ]

At least they're not like the real thing from our world... I'd hate to see what the actual Noble Phantasm would have done to that poor shop.

[impostorsyndrome]

[They ended up buying the swords . . . now he owns one . . . at least he can whap Ritsuka in peace with it now, legally, though he doesn't at this moment. The moment has passed. And also, he needs to get a photo of this playset before it's too late. Kadoc had almost forgotten the entire reason they needed it, and it's good fortune that he remembers in enough time to take the photo before the timer counts all the way down and they lose the game. Only four minutes to spare! Geez! They got distracted . . . ]

The universe would've been destroyed ages ago if you could just go buy a Noble Phantasm from the dollar store in the kids' party section.

[fujimaru]

Maybe! But it's also the kind of thing that would totally show up in a story.

[ She's waving the balloon Excalibur around, idly; it might swing wide enough to bop his side now and then, but she's no longer actively trying to hit him with it. ]

Some powerful artifact gets lost, and no one knows where it went, then years and years later, it turns up in a dollar store like that... I'm pretty sure I've watched that movie.

[impostorsyndrome]

[He waves his arm back at her, not really trying to bash it away either, just reflexively; he's mostly looking at his phone, because the button to push for the next item has popped up, and he's trying to decide when to push it.]

Sounds like a movie that would have The Rock in it or something.

[fujimaru]

Right? I'd totally watch it, even if it was bad.

[ She would! He's still her favorite movie actor! (Because Ritsuka watched a fair amount of both American and Japanese movies, and she liked the schlocky actiony ones the best. Of course.) ]

You've gotta watch it with me, if I ever find it. For solidarity.

[impostorsyndrome]

There's no way The Rock exists here to make movies.

[DOES HE?! Who knows the ways of the multiverse?! Maybe there is a Lostbelt Dwayne Johnson here in Camelot, entertaining the masses—no, they would've found him by now, surely. His films, anyway.

Kadoc holds up his phone.]

So should I do the next one? We've got like two minutes.