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[fujimaru]

Ritsuka Fujimaru | 藤丸 立香
19(?) / F / Who knows!!

This is Ritsuka! Leave a message and I'll get back to you.

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[fujimaru]

If I tell you, doesn't it ruin the surprise?

[ She can't give away all of her secrets! Not yet. But she does tighten her grip where her arm is hooked with his, grinning up at him. ]

I'm doing some of it right now, though. What're your feelings on PDA?

[impostorsyndrome]

. . . I hate it when other people do it, but if it's you . . . maybe I'd like to be the one showing off that I have a hot girlfriend for once.

[PDA is so annoying! When it's not him. Probably. He doesn't have any experience to go on here, but he can make a guess that . . . yeah, it sounds kinda nice.]

[fujimaru]

That's--

[ A startled little laugh bursts out of her, cutting herself off. A hot girlfriend?! Where?

But she can't deny it feels good to hear it. Even if she doesn't agree about her looks, the fact that he's saying it makes her happy. He's not a guy who just needlessly flatters people, after all. ]

Do you really wanna show me off? Are you sure?

[impostorsyndrome]

Yeah, I do. You don't believe me? . . . Maybe you really are like me in some ways.

[After all, he wouldn't get it if she said the same about him. But still! Especially right now, when she laughs like that, because he made her happy . . . yeah, she's a beautiful girl.]

[fujimaru]

It's a little hard to believe.

[ She can say that easily, if a little embarrassed, leaning into him as they walk. ]

Not because I don't trust you... it's just hard to apply that to myself. I've never thought of myself that way.

[impostorsyndrome]

That's what I mean about us being the same . . . I get it.

[He pauses. Kadoc feels like a parody of himself saying this next part, but he just can't help it:]

Except for the part where you actually are hot. Can't relate.

[fujimaru]

You say that, but I'm telling you, I'm worried about your eyes...

[ But she's smiling as she says it. This is probably going to be one of those things that they'll never really agree on, but it's a much nicer feeling than the last rift between them. She'd much rather have a silly, inconsequential disagreement about looks than the divide that had existed between Chaldea's Master and the Cyrpters.

She swings their hands a little, huffing. ]

You're hot to me. Isn't that enough?

[impostorsyndrome]

. . . You really think that.

[Whoa. She's not lying, is she? She said it! She really said that. It's not just that she likes him in spite of his looks, which he still wouldn't truly have understood, but it would have at least made more sense to him than this. But he believes her.

Whoa.]

[fujimaru]

Yes?

[ She gives him a mildly confused look. Of course she means it? She wouldn't say something like that without being sincere; even without the threat of Kiyohime breathing down her neck, she doesn't particularly like being a liar. ]

I don't say what I don't mean.

[impostorsyndrome]

I know. I know that about you . . . it's just me. Being me, as usual. I just can't believe you're into guys like me.

[It's not really that Kadoc thinks he's hideous so much as he knows he has a very specific aesthetic, and he plays to it, knowing that trying to look like anything else would be ridiculous on him. Imagine him deciding to pivot to polo shirts and chinos. Or Hawaiian shirts. No, he was destined to be the scrawny emo punk he is, and while he knows the look has its fans, he's more surprised when someone is one than when they aren't.]

[fujimaru]

I like a lot of things.

[ It's perhaps the most blatant admission she can allow herself about her tastes. This isn't something she could've ever said to a Servant, even one that she was actually attracted to; there are too many who would take it as permission to pursue.

And as nice as that might've been... in the end, Ritsuka is interested in another human like her. That's her bigger confession. ]

But I don't know what you thought I'd be into. Do I seem like the kind of girl who likes a preppy boy?

[impostorsyndrome]

. . . I dunno.

[When she asks it like that, Kadoc really isn't sure. Does she seem like that type? She doesn't, but she also doesn't not. He can imagine her with . . . all kinds of people, if he tries, though he'd rather not, thanks. He has before and hasn't liked the thought much!]

I guess I can see you with different types. If I wanted to think about that.

[fujimaru]

So you're saying you think I'm easy.

[ But she's smiling as she says it. The joke is as much at her expense as his, though she's not surprised at his comment. Ritsuka has always been at her happiest to scatter her attentions and affections in a platonic sense, and she's never had either reason or pull to come to earth and focus.

For a romantic relationship, though? She wants to be pulled down into someone's field of gravity. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

N-no! I didn't mean it like that.

[She's smiling, but Kadoc still feels the sting of fear that maybe he seriously misstepped? Even if she's not acting like it?! He said something stupidly blunt again! He half-lifts a hand, placating, but his ears are bright pink with the embarrassment.]

You're messing with me, right? I swear I didn't mean it that way.

[fujimaru]

I'm just teasing, I promise.

[ Her expression softens at his nervousness. It's weirdly charming, seeing the way he flusters and tries to apologize; she hopes that he'll eventually relax enough to take the joking the way she means it... but for now, she squeezes his hand, hopefully soothing. Oh no. She does like him a lot. ]

I've been called that before, you know? But not in a mean way. It's not even untrue. Don't worry, I'm not mad at all.

[impostorsyndrome]

Who the hell is saying something like that to you . . . and "not in a mean way"?

[Soothing accomplished. He knows he's overreacting and embarrassing himself, so he takes a breath, squeezing her hand back lightly with a press of his fingers. But still! Who's saying that to her, huh?!]

[fujimaru]

Most Servants, at least at first...

[ It is what it is. Ritsuka has long stopped caring about that. It had never really bothered her much to begin with--she's always had a reputation for being easygoing among her peers--and now it just feels like a rote hurdle to overcome. Even some of the friendlier Servants are disbelieving about her general attitude when they're first summoned to Chaldea. ]

They just don't believe that someone is willing and interested to get to know them as people, you know? I just do my best to prove it by my actions, and that takes time. I can't blame them for it.

[impostorsyndrome]

That's a totally different issue.

[He gives her a flat look. But the effect is maybe just a little ruined by him gently swinging their hands back and forth as they walk. He isn't even really aware he's doing it; it happens naturally, because despite playing devil's advocate here, Kadoc's feeling more and more comfortable with the reality of walking down the street hand-in-hand with her and chatting.]

They think you're easy just because you're not an ass to them?

[fujimaru]

It happens more often than you'd think.

[ He might not be very aware of what's going on with their hands, but Ritsuka is. Oh boy, she very much is. It's such a small everyday cute thing to do, and it's the exact sort of thing she has fantasized about before, with an amorphous Potential Partner. And now it's here! It's happening! ]

Even a lot of the ones who are rough around the edges want kindness. But they don't know how to handle it, once they get it.

[ Like some boys she could mention, ]

[impostorsyndrome]

That feels like a jab at me.

[But a good-natured one, and also one he can't argue with, so his lips twitch into a little smile as he catches her eye. Damn, he really is some cliché kind of guy like that, huh? It's not his fault!!]

[fujimaru]

It's just the truth.

[ She smiles back without hesitation, leaning a little into him. Her hand squeezes his, brief but tight. ]

You've got me now. I'm gonna be nice to you no matter how much you complain.

[impostorsyndrome]

I don't wanna be some huge asshole who doesn't deserve his girlfriend.

[Still hard to wrap his head around that one. Girlfriend!! He has one! Here she is, squeezing his hand! If his hand could blush, he's pretty sure it would be right now. At least it's not all sweaty.]

So I'll try not to complain about something like that.

[fujimaru]

I think a lot of people don't know how to handle people being nice to them. Even I have trouble sometimes.

[ Because it is overwhelming, sometimes, to be the recipient of kindness you don't feel like you deserve, or you've earned, even when you intellectually know and understand the sincerity of it. Ritsuka has experienced that plenty, over her time as Chaldea's Master. ]

But as long as you can try to believe that I mean it, then I'll be happy.

[impostorsyndrome]

Do you really? You sure seem to handle people being shitty to you just fine.

[But he gets it. Of course he does. He's that guy too, the guy who can't handle kindness but is very used to cruelty and has built up his defense mechanisms for that to a much greater extent. It's just hard to imagine Fujimaru as that type, too. Hard, and sad.]

[fujimaru]

I've had a lot of practice.

[ She smiles, lopsided and small, when she says it. It is what it is, these past few years operating as Chaldea's Master. ]

...with Servants, it's easier in some ways. Of course they're gonna judge me. I'm barely a human, and I'm the one "in charge." I've gotten kind of used to it.