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[fujimaru]

Ritsuka Fujimaru | 藤丸 立香
19(?) / F / Who knows!!

This is Ritsuka! Leave a message and I'll get back to you.

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[impostorsyndrome]

I mean, I don't, as a general rule. I've got my personal space, and I stick to it. But . . . I don't mind if it's you. I trust you.

[That feels as intimate as anything else he could say right now, and Kadoc can feel the heat in his ears, though he doesn't look away from her, even though it's tempting to do just that. It feels like he just told her he loves her or something. But it's true, and he wants her to know it. There's just no way he'd ever have come this far with her if he didn't trust her by now.]

. . . It's not creepy.

[fujimaru]

[ She blinks at that, then laughs again, another breathlessly happy sound. It does feel like he's told her he loves her--but maybe even more important, because the fact that he trusts her, all things considering how their relationship started... it does mean a lot. It feels like a weight rolling off of her shoulders. ]

Good! Good--I trust you too, you know? You should. I do.

[impostorsyndrome]

I don't know how the hell that happened. I figured you'd never go out with a guy you didn't trust, but I'm the last person in the world you oughta trust. . . . That's still how it feels after everything. I know I'm being a hypocrite, but whatever.

[But he squeezes her hand. And then they're heading up to the restaurant and inside, and he doesn't let go of it then, either, when the hostess asks for their reservation.]

[fujimaru]

[ Ritsuka lets him field that exchange, since the reservation is in his name, but she swings their hands just a little as they're led to their table. She only lets go when they take their seats. Once the hostess has departed, she gives him a shy little smile. ]

You're not the first person who's said something like that to me... but I really wanted to try, with you.

[impostorsyndrome]

[Here they are. This is a date night. They're sitting at a table in a fancy restaurant and Kadoc is grabbing his menu, and he's already braced for these prices by having looked it up online previously, so it's fine. It's worth it! This is absolutely a date spot. Hadn't he gone and picked it for that reason? He looks at her rather than his menu, soft.]

Which part . . . ? What're people saying to you?

[fujimaru]

The part where it's a bad idea to trust them. I get that a lot, for some reason.

[ "For some reason." She knows why, and she knows that her Servants aren't necessarily wrong... but she doesn't really believe she is, either. In the end, no matter what else might be said about the Servants who come to her, they've still chosen it. They've agreed to help her, and she's willing to put her faith in them in return.

She has not looked at the menu yet, because she is too busy looking at his face. Oops, ]

[impostorsyndrome]

Yeah, I think you might know why if you dig down deep.

[He smiles at her now, over his menu, which he's also not really looking at. It even pops into his head to touch her somehow, in a friendly way, but it's the kind of thought he has that he can't easily translate into action, and so he just sits on it. It'd be nice to do it, but how? How could he possibly?]

[fujimaru]

Ehhhh, I'd probably have to think about it for a bit. And I'm not great at that, as you might've noticed.

[ On a whim, more thoughtless than anything--which maybe just illustrates her point--she stretches a leg out, gently knocking her foot against his. It isn't footsie, not really, but it's a point of friendly contact, because she wants it too, even if she isn't thinking too deeply about it. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

[Oh thank goodness, she did it. That's how it goes, doesn't it? Count on Ritsuka to take action when it's needed, and Kadoc to overthink things until it's too late. He moves his foot to lean against hers. It's not especially sexy. Just a touch.]

You're not supposed to talk a dude into negging you, Fujimaru. Asshole guys do that all on their own.

[fujimaru]

[ It's just a touch, but Ritsuka likes it. She likes that he returns the gesture, and after a moment of fidgeting, she ducks her head slightly, peeking at him through her bangs. ]

Yeah, but... uh, not related to asshole guys or anything, but...

[ But. She takes a breath. ]

...since we're on a date, and we agreed, you could use my name...?

[impostorsyndrome]

[Oh, yeah. Kadoc's used to using family names with most people when he knows them, but that's not appropriate for a date, huh? And he wants to. It feels like a big step. He looks up at her with a little nod, fidgeting with his menu, like he's totally going to look at it any moment now.]

. . . Ritsuka.

[fujimaru]

[ She'd actually been holding her breath a little, silly as it was--just a moment of anticipation to see if he would or not. Ritsuka is familiar with using family names too, though she's long since gotten into the habit of using given names, and she'd really wanted to hear it from him.

So when he says it, she lets out a sharp little breath, and then laughs, embarrassed but glowingly pleased. ]

...Yeah. Thank you.

[impostorsyndrome]

[She's so beautiful when she smiles that glowingly. Kadoc is just kind of staring dumbly at her, Gone, when the server comes up to ask for their drink order and he has to fumble with the menu like an idiot and scan hurriedly for a vodka drink.]

[fujimaru]

[ Sometimes, when you actually give yourself permission to think about things in a specific light, it's difficult to turn off. Ritsuka also fumbles with her menu, her face pink; she picks a soda rather than an alcoholic drink (still, even now), and manages to keep her voice steady as she orders. No embarrassing cracks here!

But when the server leaves, she lets out a tiny little whine. ]

Oops...

[impostorsyndrome]

. . . Heh.

[Okay, he feels better if they're both being idiots, and gives her a broad smile over his menu. Oops!]

Guess we should actually look at the menu before we get all distracted. I'm just glad I wasn't the only one. You still don't drink?

[fujimaru]

I still don't.

[ She shrugs a little, giving him a crooked grin in response. ]

...Kipposhi said he'd buy me my first drink, but... he left before my birthday rolled around. But since I said I'd go through with it, it felt wrong to just give it a shot without him.

[impostorsyndrome]

. . . Yeah. I get it. It's been weird. Probably way weirder for you than for me, but even for me.

[People leaving had just been kind of weird in a sympathetic way until it was Gareth, honestly, and then it had suddenly changed everything. How must Ritsuka feel when it's a Servant? Or several?]

[fujimaru]

...It's pretty weird. I don't know if it's weirder for me than anyone else, though.

[ After a second, she slides her hand across the table. It's not so far that she can take his hand, because that would require more leaning than is comfortable or natural, but it's there. An offering, if he's willing. ]

But I also have to believe they're looking for a way to help me, too. Us. We're going back to the same place, right?

[impostorsyndrome]

[He reaches out to take it immediately, feeling a tiny rise of relief. He does want to touch her. What does that mean, anyway? That he feels more comfortable having contact with her than not? That his eases his nerves about all this, when he's so often nervous about touch? But it feels good to take her hand in his.]

Yeah. We are. I've got no plans to do anything different. Even if I had the chance, I couldn't make myself do it. . . . The place I'm supposed to be is the place I helped destroy. I don't get another one.

[fujimaru]

So we'll fix it.

[ She says that with a steady confidence that is less faked than she would have thought, even of herself. Bravado is easy to come by in her situation, especially when it comes to the fate of their own world--but to her surprise, she feels a lot more certain of that than she might have even a few weeks ago. Maybe it's just having someone else willing to go with her--someone who isn't a Servant, but still agreeing to this. Even if it's mostly because it's his world too... it's nice to think that maybe it's a little bit because of and for her. ]

I'm sure we can.

[impostorsyndrome]

. . . Yeah. We will. Sorry you got stuck with the worst possible ally, but . . . I know what we've gotta do. I'll just have to do it, no matter what the odds are.

[He rubs a thumb over her hand, looking down at that before he finally meets her eyes. He, too, sounds and feels more confident than he usually does about anything, really. There's a steel behind this promise.]

[fujimaru]

You will. We will.

[ She can only smile back, squeezing his hand when he looks up. It feels good to say it and really feel it, for the first time in... a long time, perhaps. Maybe ever. Nothing about the Grand Order was guaranteed from the beginning, but now it feels more like there's a real promise in those words. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

I've got no idea where you get your confidence from, but I'm not gonna complain about it when it comes to this. Maybe some of it'll rub off on me one of these days. . . . And me, I'll just get on your ass if I think you're being stupid about it, so maybe we're actually a good match.

[You know, as a team. Surely just as that. But maybe in other ways too. He squeezes her hand, which is exactly when the server comes back with their drinks and to take their orders, and again Kadoc is left fumbling to choose something quickly off the menu he's barely glanced at.]

[fujimaru]

[ She doesn't jerk her hand back entirely, though she does startle at the server's reappearance, glancing briefly at the menu before she just picks a sandwich and salad deal. When the server is gone, she lets out a breathless little laugh. ]

I need someone like that, I think. But I've been doing this on my own for so long... having anyone else around to help makes me feel better about it. Why shouldn't I feel confident?

[impostorsyndrome]

. . . It doesn't feel like I deserve to be the guy making you feel like that. Not when I'm also the guy who's part of the reason you felt like that in the first place.

[He stares into his drink and then takes a sip. Really, he's trying to present this as neutrally as possible and not spiral into guilt, and he's managing, which says a lot about how far he's come. But it's a struggle all the same.]